March 5, 2010

Notes from Manhattan:

Walking near Columbus Circle, I pass two women, very well dressed, about 30 or so and maybe 50+. The older woman says 'I told him he made me do it' and the younger woman says 'ooo that's a good one', laughing.

Near MOMA, two men, both well dressed and prosperous looking, in their 50's. As I walk by I hear 'he deserves it' and 'I blame him for everything'.

Near the NY Public Library, as I pass a small gathering on and near the front steps, a group detaches and catches me up in their walking. Around me I hear 'he is an idiot' and 'he has such an ego' and 'she's fooling nobody'.

Little sound-bites of real lives, folks in the course of their lives, their emotions and thoughts and reactions and decisions. What struck me about all of them was the tone of cynicism and bitterness that I heard in the words, the framework as it were, of their feelings and thoughts. Bitterness is a feeling that has tried for years to make inroads with me, and I have had to jump through some pretty tall hoops to avoid being tinged or worse by it. As  a child I remember how odd I felt around bitter people, and as I have grown up I have come to meet very bitter people who have no idea how toxic their bitterness is to those around them. Maybe people are like tofu, and the longer they soak in something, the more they take on it's flavor. That is surely how bitterness appears to me. Cynics that I have met, without exception, are angry folks. Bottling up all that anger makes them bitter day by day, moment by moment, until the bitterness has penetrated to the core of their being. Sad folks, those.

At one point earlier this week I held open a door for a guy and as he passed he very quietly whispered 'Fuck you' as I passed. I was so taken aback that I burst out laughing, and turning to him and said 'I wish you better'. He blankly walked away. Poor man.

Bitterness begs for displacement. Sadly, though, many people just keep trying to bottle that terrible feeling inside of themselves. To me, this is the start of uneasiness, and will result in disease, literally and figuratively. As I have learned about the nature of cellular structure, time and again it has been made clear that each impact on a cell has an impact on the cells longevity. That alone is enough for me to seek displacement for my anger and upset, to make sure that any negativity that I feel in my body is expressed by my body, in release of the toxins that negativity creates.

For me it's not about how long I live, it is the quality of the life that I am living. And if that helps me to live a long life, so much the better.

 ~~~and later that same day...

wow oh wow, what a day, what a day....never, no not ever, have I had such opportunities to speak to the bigger question (why are we/I here?) and the lesser (what do I do now?) and to really, really get it...

the big reason, and answer to it all...

LOVE

love love love love love, and love some more. The hardest thing, and paradoxically, as is so very approrpriate, the easiest, is to just let go and trust and love. That's it in a nutshell.

as I have spent time here on this rough little rock, called Planet Earth, rhymes with birth, time and time again I have been confronted by the negative and nasty, the ugly and horrible, the worst and ever more worst. And worse than that, even.

Each and every encounter an opportunity to be a better person, one who chooses from love, from a higher sense of self, a greater whole, more love.

and somehow, through all of my confusion, my doubt and fear, I have prevailed and still love.What a day.

remember, if you will, a while back that I was reaching out through this wonderful interconnected web-based emerging world of ours to locate folks from times before.

This is where I plotz, if you will. and take a breath, or three, and maybe a few more.....pant pant pant,,,,,not just yet...

waitaminute.....

ah..

ah..

ah....

that's better...

so, there I was, innocent as a lamb, maybe even Bambi, and so calm and peaceful I was, reading my e mail and all, and as I go up, because I believe in starting at the beginning if at all possible, there is a message from some site I don't recognize, but I know that my security software has sniffed it so I click on it, and up opens up a message in reply to a posting I had put on Classmates.com when I came across a woman whose name I remembered from those times (1975-1980). So, here it starts, reaching into my past and connecting dots yet un-connected. Having travelled in so many circles, so many different strata, business and social and now trying to put them all together, to harvest the synergy of them and their energies and jump into the future.

methinks my ruling planet, Mars, is coming out of retrograde...

  

March 4, 2010

Came home Tuesday and went to bed. Slept well, with a loving kitty curled up next to me. Returned to work yesterday, glad to be of service to those I work with.

The quick trip to Manhattan charged me up wonderfully, and now I am plunging into a new video venture. I tried out some of my ideas while I was in New York, and really like the results. So watch this website for some new media material coming shortly...finger's crossed.

Today is a day of interviews, one with a student and another with a woman doing research on psychics. Not sure what to expect in either case, but my guts told me that both were the right thing to do, so here goes.

If more people understood that we are all intuitive and have so many answers in ourselves to the problems in our lives, that would be great. That why I agreed to these interviews, to spread that message. Another time of crossed fingers.

Off to the gym to invigorate myself for the day ahead. Here's to the joy of life!

 

March 2, 2010

What a whirlwind trip this has been. Yesterday was spent doing genealogy research and visiting the American Museum of Natural History (www.amnh.org) and what a great building that is. There was so much to see and enjoy, the wonders of the world and stars all in one building, truly a delight. I could have spent the entire day there, but I wanted to get into Central Park and enjoy the snow covered landscape and the nature that abounds there.

Then off to one of my favorite restaurants in Manhattan, the Oyster Bar in Grand Central Station (www.oysterbarny.com) for some wonderful seafood. Over the years I have become a fan of oysters, and this is the best place I know in Manhattan to enjoy them without paying a great deal of money. And one can spend a great deal of money in this town, to be sure.

'Looped' was great fun, with lots of funny lines and a serious edge towards the end. Quite a performance from Ms. Harper, and the crowd loved it. Theater in New York in one of the great joys of this town, and everytime I visit I try to see a play or two. Actors performing live in front of you is such a thrilling thing, especially if they and the work are good, and 'Looped' is all that and more.

Now at JFK waiting for my flight to be called. The snow is melting as it's 47 degrees, but there was enough snow to make my Californian heart glad to have been here.

Sometimes one must step into a new path, and that's what this weekend has been for me, a quick recharge of my batteries. Although some clients in the area knew I was in town they understood that I was too busy for appointments on this trip and wished me a good time. And I had just that, a good time, no, a great time.

My family traces itself to Manhattan in the early 19th Century, to 114 Mulberry in Little Italy. Maybe that is why I feel such a kinship with this town, knowing that at least 2 generations of my ancestors lived here.

Time to run, they're calling my flight. Off I go, homeward bound. Have a great day!

 

February 28, 2010

Well, here I am in my hotel, The Moderne (www.modernehotelnyc.com) on 55th near 8th. Not a bad neighborhood, one I know from having stayed in the area on previous trips. Snow is everywhere and it is below freezing and arriving close to 1AM and just back from a walk up to Columbus Circle and now ready for bed. Great flight here, American upgraded me to Business class which made the journey easy as I slept most of the flight. Sunday in New York! I had better sleep fast...I have a ticket to see 'Looped' with Valerie Harper later today, in a play about Talullah Bankhead that is in previews. Hope it's good.

Even though it is late at night, walking around a bit before heading off to bed was just what I needed. The piles of white, smooth, fluffy snow here and there gave such an air of peace and calm to the streets. Being so late at night, or early in the morning, there were few people out and about, adding to the calm. What a great way to start my Sunday in New York. Hope you enjoy your day.

 

February 27, 2010

Up and at'em early this morning, I've got a big day ahead of me.

Work in the morning, seeing clients, and then a dash to the airport and a flight to New York City.

Every once in a while I receive these notices from various airlines telling me about some great flight opportunity to someplace for very little money. Most of the time the dates or the location do not work or interest me. Last week I got a notice from American Airlines about $95 flights to JFK. That's how much one can pay to fly to Los Angeles from here, so I jumped on it. Then I found a great deal on a hotel and that was that.

So, off I got for a longish weekend in Manhattan. Yippee. The fact that a snow storm is dumping several inches of snow should add to my delight.

Must run for now, more to follow. Have a great day!

 

February 25, 2010

Hello Hong Kong! What a great city! Your cuisine is out of this world! Happy New Year! Thanks for reading me!

Winter seems to be holding on here in California, as the rain keeps coming. Some days are biting cold, and the wind can cut right through whatever you're wearing and chill you to the bone. The streets are covered in blooming trees (Bloomin'  trees!) and the pavement around each of them has a scattering of white or pink petals, a mosaic of color against the grey of the street.

Most folks out and about are dressed in somber winter colors, greys and blacks and darker shades of blue, green and purple. The wind and rain make people move about more quickly, trying to get to where ever they are going. From what I hear from retailers I know, people are indoors when the weather is foul and out when the weather is dry, and everybody is out and about when it is sunny.

Today promises to be a sunny day here. A good day to get out and take in Tulipmania at Pier 39, to enjoy Golden Gate Park, to bask in the sunshine and take it in...

For me, today will be a day of trying to do that which I have never done before. We learn by doing, us humans, and hopefully today I will learn many new things about a new technology I've bought into and hope to make use of. Trial and error, I've heard it called. Damn frustrating, as well, at times. From what I have observed, it is in the 'trying to do new things' mode that we grow as individuals. Not everything goes smoothly at all times, but giving the new a go can be rewarding and exciting. Each and every day can bring something new and wonder-filled into your life, if you let it. Me, I'm gonna let it!

Enjoy your day, try something new!

 

February 21, 2010

My goodness, have I been busy, that's why I haven't been blogging lately, there is so much going on right now, in the world...and in my life. I decided to use this Tiger New Year energy to think about what I could be doing in the world to give more of myself. So I went out my door and onto my feet and walked and walked, and then I started to get public transportation as it went by if I wanted to ride, and I went all over the place. My hat is off to the transportation network that we have here in San Francisco, it is truly one of the best cities I know of to get around in. There are Light Rail trains, subways, a vast bus network, and Cable Cars. And there are jitneys that will run one to even more places in the Bay Area. And taxi's of every color you can imagine. Amazing.

All of this time 'rubbing elbows' was very humbling. To see some of the terrible lives that our fellow beings choose is appalling. And I am not talking about the drug and booze destroyed folks sleeping on the streets of San Francisco, those poor and broken souls. What comes to my mind are the well meaning but clue-less folks who are so caught up in being the star in their self importance that they abuse others, directly and indirectly.

What a world we have today. Incredible wealth and poor judgement.

And at the core of our problems I see a lack of self love, of self acceptance. A hollow core seeking to be filled with the stuff and people around us.

An unfillable void, that lack of self love. Sitting in judgement of ourselves without love is not life, it is loss.

Loss of self. Our common enemy.

My antidote is to do more, to give more of the one resource I have at my fingertips- my fingertips. To do more with them and me.

So that's what I have been up to. Working behind this scene to formulate and develop new outlets for my service here on Earth. Someone this week talked with me about how he had come to imagine a world without the fences that stopped him from trying to do and be more alive. He is in the process of preparing to sell all of the stuff that he owns and move to a foreign country and buy a garage with a house attached, to live his dream. He's nearly 80 and he said it had taken him that long to sort himself out and decide what it is that he really wants to do.

What courage, what a leap he is making. I wish him all the best that this life can bring him, and I know he will be the happiest he had ever been in this life, dear man.

He is my new Mentor, and I am taking a page from his playbook and going out on a limb in so many ways with my new efforts. Only time will tell how well these things will fare, but I am not focusing on that part at this time. My concentration is on giving myself permission to do my best, with my best coaching voice in my head encouraging me forward. Doing new things can be challenging and frustrating and even defeating, and all along the process one has the chance to learn and effort  and try and try again. I am being that one right now, taking a break from my efforts ($%^   and  @##%  and &!$%) to share what's up before returning to my labors. Easier than Hercules they are, thankfully.

Hi - ho, off to work I go...all the best!

 

February 15, 2010

Happy New Year! Again!

Year of the Metal Tiger! Year of big changes and lots of surprises and positive change for all!

This year portends a nostalgic trip for me, and folks from the past coming back. Well, that should be easier for them as I now am a member of www.classmates.com, and have tried to list all of the schools I went to over the years of growing up. I can barely remember living in Mojave, so any kids that show up from those times may not be remembered right off the bat, but give me a bit...

It occurs to me that one of the things that all of this social computerish media provides is the ability to be in contact with folks a life-time over.

This is gonna be interesting, for sure. It has been very interesting to see the evolution of my Facebook.com list of friends. Many are folks from the current times, while others stretch back in time, and some are new and introducing themselves through Facebook. There have been a few shady types, of course, but by and large the vast majority of new FB friends are decent people. A couple have actually been quite touching in their out-reach, and have brought smiles to my face and laughter to my voice.

One of the side effects of social media is the opportunity at transparency that it provides, so that one can be forthright and honest without compunction. The opposite is naturally also true, and is to be remembered at all times. Not all that different from everyday life, just a techie spin to things. I'll give it a go...

in the meantime, work on my books is progressing. Having more than one to work on has turned out to be a very good thing, as it keeps me involved in the writing process, which for me is more about preparation than execution. Without the proper mental attitude I find the act of writing, typing or hand writing, tedious and boring. Either way, my hands begin to cramp up after a while and I have to take a break, usually by getting up and moving about a bit, holding onto my thoughts and refining them before taking up writing again. Time certainly flies when I write.

Writing of which, time for me to fly and get to the gym and on with my day. Here's hoping you enjoy yours!

 

February 13, 2010

What a wonderful start to the Olympics last night was.

And watching television and spacing out was just the thing that I needed. Did I mention we had house guests?

I've known Denise for 45 years.....and our friendship that started way back there in the 9th Grade at Robert A Milliken Junior High School holds fast and strong. Talking over old times with her has sparked my interest in finding kids I knew years ago. Guess I will try www.classmates.com and see what I can learn.

Just to help jog my memory I will dig out my old journals and see what names they contain and start looking for those kids. Wonder who will turn up? This could be interesting and it could be ghastly....

What a wonderful test of karma this can be for me.

This global net that links those on it is a curious thing, and it's potential is just beginning to be seen. There were photos recently of an impromptu snow-ball fight hastily assembled via Twitter, and from someone I know who was there, it was a blast and a half, she says. She ran into 2 friends she hadn't seen in months and they had a great time together. Maybe that's the best application to come from this mobile communications technology.

I've been working with a company that is designing communication devices for future release. It has been interesting and frustrating work, coming up with the proper platform and protocol but the challenge to bring this new technology to the world is very rewarding, and I am confident we will get it right. Fingers crossed!

Tomorrow is Chinese New Years and Valentines Day, a double header of holidays. Chocolates and dim sum! Yum....Enjoy the day!

 

February 12, 2010

Happy Birthday Gregg!

And Hello, Pekanbaru Sumatra!

Watching the 2010 Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony. Sad beauty, with the death on an athlete hours before.

The First Peoples of Canada started the Opening, such beauty and grace and endurance, a wonderful beginning. People of the world over coming together in the spirit of friendly competition.

Wonderful. Enjoy!

 

February 10, 2010

Getting very busy around here, what with work and all. A friend from High School and her husband are coming today for a three day visit. She and I have known each other for three-quarters of our lives....my goodness...

Having friends can be a bit of a chore, and being a friend can be no easier. "Friends do not keep score" I read years and years ago, and to this day I use that as my maxim in my friendships. Statistics say that most people have one, and in fewer cases, two friends. Lucky them.

Winter seems to be kicking the ass on the US East Coast. Folks I know have sent my photos of their cars buried under snow blankets, so soft and inviting looking, until you stop to remember just how cold snow is...so it looks like Phil in Pennsylvania is the clear winner in the American Ground-Hog Contest. Thanks, Phil!

The 2010 Winter Olympics start this coming Friday. Tune in and cheer on some of the best sportsfolk in our world. The spirit of world competition is one of camraderie and co-operation, of one world and one peoples. And the host city of Vancouver is very beautiful, and with snow (hopefully) it will be even more beautiful. Canada has every reason to be proud this year.

Busy week, busy day~ time for me to tear away. Enjoy the day and the skin you're in!

 

February 6, 2010

Sidelined I have been, by a head cold, which felt and sounded a lot more like heaaddd colllldddd....Thanks to all who got to me through www.facebook.com for your help and support!

A man came to see me a while back, and told me of his life, and how he had settled for less than he wanted as a child and settled into a settled rut until one day he came home to find his wife and child gone, along with a note from his wife detailing her unhappiness and blaming him for failing her. He was devastated.

Through the help of friends, none of whom had known of his wife's position, came to his help and got him back on his feet, working and taking care of himself, not in that order. Over the next few months he learned of what had been going on with his wife, of her pent-up projected anger, of her attraction to and dalliances with other men, and he also learned what he was made of, especially when he developed an ulcer. That's what tipped the scales for him. He began to feel worse and worse, and started getting all of these physical occurances of what was happening to him on an emotional level. That's when a work buddy told him about my work.

He came to see me and from our first meeting I asked him to do 'home-work' and to bring the results to our next meeting. He has been an excellent student, and has learned how to work with his emotions and the reactions that he feels in a healthy, positively oriented way.

Displacement.

It worked wonders for him, and today he is a very changed man.

In our work he came to see how he had started to compromise his true desires in life and to accept, usually grudgingly, whatever he did receive. This in turn savaged his self-esteem, and seriously weakened his abilities to deal with problems until they became psychosomatic.

He recently told me of a event, he was in a store and found a sweater (jumper) he liked, and was about to buy it when he noticed a snag. Even though the sales clerk had rung up his order, he told her about the snag and his change of mind. She looked for another to no avail. She then offered to reduce the sales price, which he declined.

'What's the point of having something if it doesn't make you feel better?' he said to her, and she leaned in and whispered 'I agree'.

 

February 1, 2010

Now, please understand, I am not trying to judge anyone, man or animal, but that poor groundhog in Pennsylvania, Phil, and all the others you can find on www.wikipedia.org if you care to look. Old customs die hard.

Mid Winter has been marked on calendars the world over, in varying cultures. Astronomically speaking, Mid Winter occurs on February 4 @ 12:41AM PST. Half way through Winter.

By now, many of us are tired of the snow and the rain and the winds and the cold temperatures. In my childhood, this was the time of year that the older women got the younger women and boys to start cleaning the house, top to bottom, washing the walls and the woodwork, cleaning and repairing and fixing. Early Spring cleaning, my Mom called it. She seldom followed through with it, though, and by then my Grandmother Edith would drop by and clean something. One year she swept the concrete path to our front door, and the porch as well. My Mom tried to stop her but Gramma just kept on sweeping, saying 'It's no bother, dear' as my Mom fussed. Not that I have much of a mind to clean inside right now, having been 'cooped up' due to the rains lately.

These past couple of days have been dry, and a bit sunny as well. The break in the rains gave me a chance to clean up our backyard, watched by squirrels and birds as I sweep and clean. The camellia bushes are in bloom, one white and flawless, the other a whisper of pink shading to bright pink on the petal edges. Lots of bulbs are springing up, the alliums and lillies and quite an abundance of paper-whites in the front planter box. Quite a fragrant show.

The horse chestnut still slumbers at the streets edge, the branches fat buds growing by the day. Still Winter.

Sorry to all the groundhogs that get disturbed by us humans.

 

January 30, 2010

When my Mother died I was uprooted from my Step-Dad JD and my room and my friends and my life.

I moved into a house in a neighborhood of people I knew nothing about.

Early on, I made friends, first with kids in the area, and then, when school started that September, more friends with more kids.

One of them was Mike Gold, a shorter kid who was chatty and friendly from the second we met. He had me over to his house where I met his Mom Harriet, his sister Ellen, and his Dad Frank. Such a bunch they were, the house always alive with sound, be it voices or music or television, usually all three in addition to the sounds from the apartments around them in the building complex they lived in in Sherman Oaks.

Harriet sat me down one afternoon early after our first meeting and asked me about myself. I told her of my newness to the area, the death of my Mom, the difficulty of trying to figure out so many new things, new customs, new social classes, and all the while as I spoke she just sat there and listened. Never had an adult done that with me, ever. I was amazed and told her why. She burst into tears and came to hug me, and told me that talking is always good. I didn't quite understand at the time why she was crying, and I couldn't wait for her to stop hugging me.

From Harriet I learned of the importance of laughter in ones life.

Theirs was a lively household, full of drama and words and bigger than life moments. Harriet loved to tell jokes and laugh and she showed me time and again how humor can lighten ones load in life.

Humor has saved me time and time again, and I can always tell when I have not laughed enough, as my lower back starts to tighten up. That is a sure sign that I need to laugh.  

"If you think you can get away with that, you can kiss my ass and plant a tree for Israel"- Harriet Gold, with original material from Sophie Tucker.

When I first heard Mike's Mom yell the above to her husband I burst out laughing.

Today is Tu Bishvah, New Year for the Trees in Israel. Today is a good day to plant trees and eat dried fruits and nuts. As I do these things, I will remember Harriet Gold with love and affection, and thank her for giving me one of the clues to a better life here on Earth. Thanks, Harriet.

 

January 28, 2010

Hello Gaza! Oy, peace be with you, stand strong in peace! No war, no how!

Today has been rather amazing, in a very special way.

My parents liked being married, a lot, and not always to the same person, so there are lots of Step Moms and Dads in my family tree. Sometimes it looks as if some kind of nasty gall rot has gotten the tree by the roots, and clearly branches, and has twisted the tree into something resembling a Bristolcone Pine, one of the oldest trees on the planet.
 

That's where today comes in, as I was looking on www.ancestry.com for links to my half Brother Roy, and there it was, a small record about a marriage that took place in Nevada, of all places, and the participants were a guy named Bernal Dyas and a woman named Eleanor Hall...Hello, Mom, what are you doing here, duh?

And that led to his Father's Father and his Father and Mother, and wow, what a cool tool this is.

So it turns out that there are living relatives connected with my deceased Brother Roy's family, and I have gone and contacted them. They live in Missouri, in a very small town (248 souls as of 2005). I sent them all the links so that they can see what I am on about, and hopefully they will not think that I am some kind of nut job and will reply....finger's crossed.

Wow, Roy's family. He was 13 years older than I, and left home when I was a small child. I remember him, growing up, he was always around the pretty girls, and married Micky from Bishop, California when I was still in single digits. Must look her up, Micky. A whole new door, much larger than a window, has opened up for me. An opportunity to connect with family. How scary can that this be? Very!!!

My horoscope told me today to trust going forward, and to reach out. And ain't that a kick in the rubber parts? No? Oy! Here I go!

 

January 27, 2010

Whenever I travel I try to schedule a day after my return to do nothing. Nada, zip, zilch. Time off and down, time to sleep or read or cook or clean or space out. This time allows me to re-enter my life's schedule and not leave too big a skid mark, if you know what I mean.

One of the things I do when I get home is to read the newspapers that I subscribe to, to see what was in print. I am noticing, more and more, a shift to digital and usually on-line media. Heaven knows I am not one to knock it, especially as I have a lap-top, a smart phone, a small Nokia device for internet access, and a Kindle. Having technology is a boon, to be sure. If it is used properly.

In Manhattan I saw so many people on some kind of device, cellphone or laptop, many with things in their ears that glowed or flashed. Borg?

Snail mail, the paper and writing bit, with small sticky pieces of paper stuck to a larger piece of paper, and then one must go and find one of the proper receptacles in which to put these pieces of paper, remember that?

In the head-long rush into our future, do we sometimes forgo and forget what was? It is easy to lose track of the past. If you let it. All of the electronica in our lives can separate us and become screens behind which we hide.

A girl I went to High School with is like that today. She was always a bit shy as a kid, and today she works from home and has everything she needs delivered. Medical and dental appointments only happen when necessary. Those of us that know her are concerned, but she assures us all that she is OK and just wants her privacy. Like Greta Garbo, she wants to be alone. And she is, at least physically. In print and other media, however, she is quite the public figure, and can be found on every social media site one can think of, and always seems to pop up somewhere, all the time.

Maybe that's the way of the future, imagery and an electronic presence.

Time for me to go card shopping...

 

Jan 21, 2010

What a wonderful couple of days we have had here in NYC.

Each day we were treated to sunshine, and despite the cold, oy was it cold, the excitement of each day kept us warm.

That and all the food we ate. Did I mention we love to eat? We sure got a great deal of practice these past few days. As I sit here near our boarding gate, waiting for our delayed flight back to San Francisco, I reflect on our trip. What a great trip it has been, and  a good reminder to us both that even a few days away can recharge ones inner battery.

And this town sure charged us up. The Brooklyn Diner (www.firemangroup.com) on West 57th has such great breakfast food. And Central Park is so beautiful at any time of year. And the live theatre in Manhattan is amazing. We saw 'A Little Night Music' with Angela Lansbury (my mentor) and Catharine Zeta-Jones and what a lovely night of art that was. The Tim Burton exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art (www.moma.org) was terrific, such a creative man he is. And we met with Joe's friend, and now mine, Julie Sahni (www.juliesahni.com), a delightful woman who developed and led a cooking tour of India that Joe took. And Manhattan: the sights and lights and sounds, the colors and textures and cooking smells...no wonder folks call it the Capital of the World, it is for us.

Time to board, the rains out West have delayed us. Everyday we have been on this trip it has rained buckets in California. Being home will be good, as will sleeping in my own bed. As much as I love to travel, and goodness knows I do, I also truly relish being home, and am wishing we were already there. 

 

January 17, 2010

oooohhh, it is too early, again. Must be a travel day.

One of the things I learned along the way was the importance of getting on the first flight of the day, as the airplane and crew are fresh and ready. Unlike most of its passengers...

so here we are, long before dawns early light, up and showering and packing and calling a taxi and off to SFO. It is way too early.

Later, at the airport on a drizzly morning, checked in and yahoo! upgraded to Business Class on American Airlines. That is something else I learned along the way: try to fly one carrier as much as you can because airlines reward the frequent customer. Having the benefits of upgrades surely improves travel, especially longish flights like this one.

Security was not as bad as I thought it might have been, and was glad the lines moved quickly. It is 6 AM straight up, and I wish I were supine.

The airport terminal is a bit fullish, and flights are departing for hither and yon, and then they announce boarding for our flight to JFK. Yay!

Due to our upgrades we are not seated together, and Joe asks the woman next to him if she would mind changing seats with me. She instantly agrees and catches my eye and starts moving toward me. Gee, I think, she sure looks like someone I've seen on TV...

and then this nice lady is in front of me and I say 'Thank you very much' and she replies 'No problem' and so soon as I hear her voice I recognize her: Tyne Daly. As I take my seat beside Joe, I ask him if he knows who the woman was, No, he says, and when I tell him who I think it is, he tells me that I'm wrong. Now, this is funny, as he is much more into entertainment than I am, and spots celebrities all over the place. Later in the flight, I ask a flight attendant if the nice lady who changed seats with me isn't Ms. Daly, and they affirm that it is indeed her. When I tell Joe this, he is gobsmacked and relates a brief conversation they had had with a flight attendant.

and then we're landing and it's rainy and cold and we thank Ms. Daly as we pass. She is friendly and funny and off to work that evening. We grab a taxi and zoom into Manhattan. A cold and rainy night, and the stars disappear in the glow of the Big Apple. It is early evening when we arrive at the Buckingham Hotel (www.buckinghamhotel.com) on West 57th, where we have stayed before. Just as we're settling into our room, Joe's cellphone rings and it's our friends Suz and Bernie and before too long we're walking over to their home across from Lincoln Center for pizza and welcomes. The rain is stopping and the city is ablaze with a bit of haze and energy.

Hours later, exhausted, we walk back to our hotel, not too far, and drop into bed. Welcome to Manhattan!

 

January 16, 2010

After a long week, the first full work week of the year, the weekend is finally here.

Granted, this will probably be a wet weekend, with rain and wind and cold and whatnot. There are so many leafless trees along the streets of San Francisco right now, so many that the few evergreens stand out in stark contrast. The past couple of days have been warmer and dry, so that the city has emerged from hiding here and there, with folks out and about as they need be. Those that do not need to venture out stay indoors, warm and dry.

This excludes those with dogs, and the streets are filled with people out with their dogs. So many dogs, it is a bit surprising to see the variety. There is a dog walker that goes through the neighborhood all the time, usually with a crowd of 8 or so dogs briskly moving to keep up with the fast pace he sets. Edy the cat sits in a window and watches the spectacle as it passes, as it does 3 or 4 times a week. The first time she saw this group coming up the street, she jumped down and went to her food bowl. Now she sits and waits for them to pass.

It was pointed out to me recently that cats are the only animal that choose to associate with human beings. All others have to be domesticated to be around us two leggeds. What does that say about cats? Studies say that there are more dogs in the US than cats, and that this has been the case for decades. I know a man who walks his cat on a leash around the 'hood, and is always posing for photos along the way. His cat, Macomber, is a big orange tabby, and loves the attention. They make quite a pair. I suggested matching outfits but he says Macomber refuses to dress up beyond his collar and leash. Smart cat.

Holiday cards are still drifting in, straggling into the mailbox. A woman I know sends out her Holiday cards the day after Thanksgiving, and I envy her her organization. I usually get my Holiday cards out day by day, and am still sending them out...

The recent diaster in Haiti is a reminder of the living nature of our planet. For my part, I have donated to several charities and hope to do more in the coming days to help with the relief effort. Please do what you can to help. We are all in this together.

Happy Weekend! Enjoy!

 

January 13, 2010

Hiya Winnipeg! Great city, such a light on the start to the vast Canadian/Canadien plain. Stay warm!

Sure enough, I heard from the sarcastic hard-core because of my last post. I believe in free choice, one can choose to be one thing or the other. I did not mean to imply that there is only one way to go about in life, and that there is anything wrong in being sarcastic. What I was saying is that we all get to chose, and that each of us is free to chose the facts as we set fit. One view point does not fit all. I know many folks whose last name is spelled Boeckh and they pronounce it Berg. It is a choice born out of ones own sense of self and intention going forward. Sarcasm is a choice. My Great Grandmother pronounced her maiden name 'bok' and spelled it Bach. Individuals get to choose. My question is, is sarcasm reflective of self love or not?

On sarcasm for a moment, tho, have you heard that the US Mortage Association says that walking away and/or not paying your mortgage is a bad thing, and yet, several of the major banks in this country are defaulting on their mortgages? Wow, as an ex-banker (see www.linkedin.com) I was appalled and saddened by the Associations stance, so hypocritical. Where are business ethics these days, anyway?

Me, I vote with my feet. I do not return to bad businesses, ever. And by bad, I mean an individual who is out to cheat me and get the better of me in a transaction. There's a little shop not too far from here, and the only time I went in there, the counterman tried to sell me an expired milk item, and then lied to me and told me the date was stamped wrong. As if...and I put it back and walked out and haven't been back. Life's too short.

And speaking or writing of short, have you noticed how short the days got and how slowly, day by day and usually minute per day, the days are getting longer, more sunlight? Here in the Bay Area, we are expecting about 3 weeks of rain, give or take, the 'storm door' is open, as the weather folks on TV say. And a minute plus more of sunlight each day is half an hour a longer day in less than a month. Spring is on its way!

 Hang in there, and choose lovingly and livingly for yourself.

 

January 10, 2010 

Hello Tallinn! Life on the Gulf of Finland must be chilly and below rightabout now, stay warm!

The Holiday Season is winding down, fewer parties and less gatherings. It has certainly been interesting.

Sarcasm is something I have never been good at. Oh sure, I can make the vocal inflections that indicate sarcasm, but I cannot for the life of me (pun intented) hold that feeling in my heart. It just does not feel good when I have tried, and Goodness knows there have been times when I have wanted to be sarcastic and arch, but it just did not 'ring true' in me and I could not pull it off, even as a pose.

Earlier today, at a small gathering, I met a woman who had been making sarcastic comments from the moment before I met her, her comments not directed at anyone in the room, but chock full, nonetheless, with buried anger and hurt and deep, deep grudge. In the time I listened to her, she disparaged her husband, her ex-husband, both of her children, and her sister. And that was in about 5 minutes. As I moved away to another group in the room I heard her say "who cares?" and I felt her pain, her deep, dark secret torture of not being loved.

Life can and does present events that can literally knock one to ones knees. One can get up or not. If we choose from love, we will rise, easier.

Leaving the party, I reflected on what I had learned, that sarcasm maybe is not something I need to get better at. Maybe my inability to be a 'good bullsh*t artist' is not so bad, after all. Parties and small gathering this season have brought me into contact with more people than I had imagined I would meet. For the most part, most of them felt, to me, happy in their lives, but as I have thought about it more, I come to see that the sarcastic, edgy folks I met were, for the large part, a bit moody and unhappy, and a couple were downright depressing.

Years ago, I learned that I do not have a good poker face, that my facial expressions are hardwired to my thoughts. A man I worked with at the time could BS like a pro, and said some of the most outrageous lies I have ever heard, except maybe from politicians. He thought he was so slick and cool. He was later sent to prison for fraudulent billings to the US Goverment. Karma, I guess. As I well remember, he was one of the most sarcastic folks I have ever known.

A woman I met in Denpasar, Indonesia once told me that she did not understand sarcasm, and found it to be very foreign to her way of being. She was such a wise woman. And a great tour guide. Walking to the temples we visited, she told me how she got a bad taste in her mouth when she lied, even just a white lie, and had asked a priest how people could lie. He had told her that everyone gets a bad taste in their mouth when they lie, and that some people became used to the taste, and some liked the taste.

Does sarcasm ruin ones palate? I know in my heart it does not make life better.

 

January 9, 2009 oops...2010

Wow, is it cold outside in most of North America and Europe.

All this week, folks have been sending me, via the computer, photos of the snow around them. One of my favorites was from a woman in Virginia, with a snap of her car buried under a snow drift, the before, during and after shots revealing her car, frozen shut. Such a contrast to another photo sent to me of a woman making a sand angel on a San Francisco beach...

One of my best memories of snow is standing still in a square in Dushanbe, Tajikistan while the snow came down in swirling columns, soft and white and bitingly frozen, melting in a second as they touched warmth of any kind. The calm, peaceful, wonderful planet we have at the best of times.

When I lived outside of Chicago, I learned to live with snow, and cold, and later humidity and thunderstorms. Paris taught me about freezing mists that hovered just above the pavement in low lying parts of the city, and how the snap of the temperature could sting the skin. Los Angeles taught me about air quality, London about traffic and transportation under grey, leaden skys. Lahore taught me about dust, and how drafty our homes are. San Francisco has been teaching me about micro-climates, and the value of blue skys and fresh air. If we let it, we can learn so much about how to be here on Earth, to learn what is comfortable and good for us. No place is perfect, I have yet to find Shangri-La, and still I keep looking, as everywhere can teach us so much if we pay attention.

Since it is so cold outside right now, I have been concentrating on the inside of my house, and have been ploughing through the stacks of papers and stuff that piles up. Day by day, folder by folder, box by box, the clutter is disappearing and in its place, I find beauty and calm, the home from which I draw part of my groundedness. In spots, I have found the need for repair, and am making a list of next steps. Even though it may seem like it, Spring is just around the corner, and will be here sooner than we think. By the time the weather warms and the rains lessen, our home will feel and look in good nick, in ship-shape or thereabouts (touch wood).

The first week of the New Year is drawing to a close, and ends tonight at Midnight. How was it for you? Good, I hope, and let's hear it for the next 51 to come...Hip, hip, hooray! Another day, another chance to love, live and play! Love on!

 

January 5, 2010

Happy New Year!

So, what's it gonna be? Twenty-ten or two thousand ten? Whatcha think?

Happy Parmahansa Yogananda's Birthday!

He founded an organization named the Self Realization Fellowship, they have sites world-wide today. www.yogananda-srf.org.   When I was 16, tired of being beat by my Dad, and tired of explaining the bruises and marks to teachers and classmates, and especially because a Counselor named Ernie was getting ready to call the cops on my Dad, I ran away from home, and lived rough, as they say, on the streets.

16 and homeless was interesting, scary, cold, weird, and taught me a great deal about me in the world, and the world in general. One of the best places I went was to the SRF temple on Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles. There, the good and kind words of this man with a hard to remember name came to me, like flashes of light, encouraging my soul forward, looking for solutions and a way to finish High School.  Today, his words carry me forward each week, thanks to my friend and client, Helen, who gifts me each year with the SRF calendar.

Let's all hope for a good and new year. I watch, when possible, the Rose Parade from Pasadena, California. www.tournamentofroses.com and this year one of the first floats was from the organization Donate Life www.donatelife.net, and what a great reminder to all of us that the body we have can be useful to another when we are done with it. Stephanie Edwards and Bob Eubanks make my year start with a smile, and I hope that your New Year has started on a 'up' note.

Wisdom from my first Fortune Cookie of the year: Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true.

20 10 or 2000 10

Here it comes. Look up, look sharp, and keep a smile on your lips. The choice is always yours.

 

December 31, 2009

Hello Lampung, Indonesia! What a fascinating country you are, so rich and varied. I hope to see more of you in the coming days!

Well, it's started, so I saw on televison at 5 A.M. local San Francisco time. Another New Year.

There were fireworks on that big bridge in Sydney, very beautiful I must say, and the crowds were festive and the vibe was good. Excellent!

Now on this break from watching more celebrations worldwide, both on TV and computer. The crowds are so energetic, and the shot of someone sitting alone has been popping up from time to time. A reminder, I guess, that each of us has a part to play here on Earth, Home Sweet Home! Day by day, we as a species evolve forward, and although the speed may seem mega-glacial, we do improve, us humans. We are learning more and more of how the planetary ecosystem functions, a very good thing. Change is difficult to watch at times, and can look quite bleak. That is when I will redouble my efforts, knowing that my intention is a good one, and that good will prevail in the end of days.

What a year, huh? Never thought so much of what happened would happen.

The lives lost.

The lives started.

The lives shattered.

The lives made more whole.

No matter how we slice it, each of us learned from this soon to have exited year, anno Dominus 2009.

So here's what I am gonna do:

Sometime today will be a good time to sit and reflect on that which made my head and heart heavy and dark in this year, and write their names and more if I feel like it. This paper I will destroy at some appropriate moment.  Then, when I am ready, I will sit and reflect on that which made my head and heart lighter in this waning year, and I will give thanks.

Out with the old and useless and self defeating, the self hatred and loathing. Begone! 

In with the new and the useful and self loving and good. Welcome!

Happy New Year!

 

December 29, 2009

I just had lunch near Freddy Krueger...the actor Robert Englund, and his wife and daughter. Nice looking folks, and nice energy on a year end noontime. And what a great lunch, www.boulevard.com is the place to go, what a great menu. Lunch with my cousin Mary and her Step-Mom, Margaret, who I had never met. A very interesting and intelligent woman. Having wonderful chow and interesting conversation in a spectacular setting, what with all the suspended ornaments hanging from the ceilings...such a pretty room. Thank you so much, Jess!

Don't quite know what's up, but I've been waking up early, early! the past few days...Mercury retrograde, Winter Solstice, end of an Ox year...do not quite know why. And what days they have been.

After 40 years of wanting family, I now have Family! What a trip, and all the old stories and jokes are true, about any gathering. And what fun it is to be in a room with a dozen and a half family members, closest thing I have had to a Family Reunion in this country. Just wonderful.

Meeting new people who are relatives and feeling a kinship, a kindredness. It has not happened many times in my life, and this past weekend it happened three times, with people I had never met. When it happens, I always remark on it, and pay closer attention thereafter. From learning to do this, I have felt into the connection that I am feeling and just go with it, trust it as long as it feels good. Such a great feeling.

Here I am, a mule in the stable of life, and yet I come from a Family Tree of now more than 63,000 individuals. That's what it took to get here. And, boy, are my arms tired....

My perspective has led me to see the clear and singular importances of life, as we find it. Having been abused, physically and emotionally, homeless and drug addicted, scared and frightened of what life can do to one, and all along the way I kept feeling and thinking and being and becoming. That was the most important thing: Keep becoming, learn, grow and go.

It's worked so far, touch wood.

Just a couple of more days left in the year, and nature has blessed us with a Blue Moon, that is the second Full moon in one calendar month, and ours is on the 31st! What timing. I make it a point each year to see the sky right before Midnight, or as late as I am awake. I saw the other day that the Pope had Midnight Mass at 10 P.M., so I guess it's OK to be flexible in ones timing, especially something as auspicious as the beginning of the New Year. Time to start planning for our feast to usher in the New Year, our family's habit 22 years and counting (t.w), and rustle about in the cellar, such as it is (under the stairs), and come up with a bottle of something special!

 

December 27, 2009

Welcome to the last Sunday of the year.

Happy Yuletide, and may the joy and peace of this Season fill you with love and hope, good intention and health, and laughter.

Lots and lots of laughs, as I have come to see that laughing helps my spirit in so many ways. There is alot of stuff that happens here on Earth that is, frankly, a real bummer. Very depressing and sad. When my Mom died, I told my 14 year old self that I would not live the rest of my life sad and unhappy. Although it has been nip and tuck (pun intended) along the way, I keep on truckin', as R. Crumb wrote. Something else I have learned along the way is the importance of displacement, the expression of anger, sadness, hurt - any feeling that overwhelms me in a not feeling good way, and my body serves as the informer of what feels good and bad. Psychologically speaking: Repression=depression. So I have learned to 'act it out' in a safe and non-threatening way, most often alone, not always quietly. By 'getting it out' of my system, whatever the negative is, leaves me filled with the positivity that is part, just part, of life. The good, loving, healthy part.

Good Yule to you and yours and all those you love, and to all of us. The least and most miserable, especially. There may not be much sunlight in your eyes today, but let the love that you feel see the beauty and joy around you, and share that wonderful wonderfilled feeling.

 

December 25, 2009

Happy and Merry Christmas to all. Love this day! Love yourself and those around you. Love, on and on!

 

December 23, 2009

Hello Stockholm! Hello Sweden!

I have such great memories of my first visit to Sweden, flying in mid-day from Chicago, after a couple of false starts, for which the airline put me up in a nice hotel and gave me breakfast, lunch and dinner before boarding my flight which actually made it to Stockholm,third time being the charm. We all got private cars to take us to our respective hotel. Good old www.aa.com, American Airlines. Great city, Stockholm, and what a beautiful country is Sweden. And the people, so friendly and welcoming. Granted, it is not inexpensive, but none of Scandinavia is or has ever been, so enjoy, already.

Such a festive time of year, so many parties and the streets are full of people. Just walking out this morning to get some milk at the corner store, I bumped, almost literally, into a woman I have not seen in years, a former neighbor. She had come back to the old 'hood to visit a friend, and had decided to walk around a bit. I was the third person she had known from the area that she ran into, and she was delighted to still feel connected to the Castro.

This is a great time of year to feel connected. We should all do what we can to foster the feeling of connectedness. Be a part of it. Connect.

Responding in that vein,tomorrow I will be going to my gym after going to Joe's bakery, Destination Baking Company, in Glen Park, with a buche de noel for all the guys to enjoy. I know, it does seem a bit odd, to be taking such a rich dessert to a location dedicated to physical fitness, but I ask you...what is wrong with underlining, from time to time?

Happy Christmas Eve! Enjoy the day and the night and have fun and share your love. That's all that matters, anyway.

 

December 21, 2009

Hello Trivandrum! Hello Southern India!

Happy Solstice!

Winter for the Northern half of our world, Summer for the Southern half. Enjoy where you are! Celebrate!

What a planet we live on, quite unique among all the worlds in the Universe.

When I noticed this morning that someone in southern India had looked at my blog, it took me back instantly to the exotic beauty in that part of the world. I remember reading how the Romans found their way to southern India two millenia ago, and how that part of our world captivated the Romans for years and years to come. So very unlike northern India in so many ways.

Winter appears to be hitting on a global scale: the East Coast of the northern US freezes shut; the Chunnel between England and the Continent of Europe freezes shut...what's next?

Here on Earth some of our elected officials and interested parties have been meeting in Denmark, trying to address the issue of climate change. Let's go, Ladies and Gentlemen, let's get some solutions in place and fix our broken relationship with Mother Earth.

About broken relationships, have you ever noticed how people in your life drift back into contact at this of year more frequently than at other times of the year? Maybe that is the old, old animal proto-human in us, returning to familiar places and spaces and faces. Whatever it is, I am not surprised when someone from my past suddenly surfaces, and over time, I have learned to seize these opportunities and make the best of them and me. I had a neighbor once, years ago in Los Angeles, and from the day I moved into my house this woman let me know that she did not like me and would ignore me, even if I spoke to her, she'd turn her back. Oh well, I remember thinking at the time, she must me doing me a favor by acting as she did. Fast forward to a couple of years ago, and as I am walking up from the Muni Underground railway I see her, standing in line for a Cable Car. As I walked toward her, she looked up and saw me. At first, I could see on her face she did not recognize me, and when I spoke to her, I saw her face change from puzzlement to recognition to a big smile as she reached out to hug me.

'Just do your best' - Thank you, Jennifer Saunders. Such wise words of wisdom from such a funny context. Absolutely Fabulous!

Happy Solstice!

 

December 18, 2009

My Family Tree now numbers more than 61,000!

Tracing my roots back has been and continues to be an interesting puzzle. I have heard from folks the world over, about our mutual (in most cases) relative that I am researching. There are two ways to look into your ancestry: slow and methodical or fast and onward. I try to do a combination of these two methods, as the balance of them allows me to proceed quickly but accurately, with few unresolved links. There are more than 8700 links to look into, so it is safe to assume I will be working on this for a while longer.

There is a World map given to me years ago by a friend when I started traveling. He had had it backed with foamcore so that I could push pins into it at the cities I had visited.

At first there was just a handful of pins, most in California. Then they started to accumulate, and I was on the road one week per month. Then two weeks, then 3, and eventually, if I went home on the weekends I would fly home Friday after 6PM and fly back to work Monday, first flight out. At the time, I was in my 30's and it was a great life, as I got to see so much of the world, and was exposed to art and history and culture. There was not much culture as a child growing up on a turkey farm near Barstow, California. What a world of contrasts.

Now, when I look at my travel map with more than 1,000 pins representing places I have been, my ancestry comes into play, and I can see that so many of my travels took me to cities when a distant family member had lived and worked and died, at some time in the past. This connection has made so many of my travels even more meaningful.

And some of the folks I am connected to by ancestry, what a list of talented folk, many writers among them. My current favorite is Samuel Clemens, AKA Mark Twain. I have been reading more of his work and enjoy his writers voice, so light and lively.

Of this sixty one thousand I am connected to, there are about two dozen living members, of which I am in contact with a hand full on a regular basis. That is really what it all boils down to: who is there with you? Who has your back? Who can you count on? In the end, I am sure that number will be one, at least. Me. All of my time here on Earth is teaching me how to be a better, more loving, me. A kinder me, a gentler me. Having family allows me to practice being better, and can be challenging.

But, what is life if not challenging? There needs to be something new in our lives everyday so that we feel the newness of the day and the vigor that is living. Remember, it is human being, not human has been. 

 

December 17, 2009

You read it here, first: Prepare for six months of drama.

Just got finished looking into the Stars for the coming year, and it looks like we're all in for a bit of a ride for the first half of next year. What with the Economy still bucking and shifting world wide, throwing emotions into it should just make it messier than it is now.

Here in America, we are struggling with providing health care to our citizens. What a mess, of egos and grandstands and greed and corruption. The Free Market System in brutal action, people be damned. Sad. And valiant, as that's what change takes, the undertaking of the difficult and challenging. No one ever got any where just standing there. You gotta move to grow and become....more! Change is hard work, and the work of a life-time.

Such a year it has been, so many changes, so many deaths and divorces and loves and laughs.

Lots of laughs. And I treasure each and every one, and hope to continue to imbue each and every day with love and understanding.

Life sure gives us interesting choices. When I think of the hundreds of people I sat with this year, and of the variety of lives that are being lived outside my door, daily. Some of them are heroic and some are steeped in mental illness. All of them are opportunities to love ones self more and to forgive ones self more. Life is like a school, there are lessons to be learned. What we learn is up to us, as we all choose to think and feel as we do. The hard part for us as humans is to carry the feelings and thoughts that occur as a result of our choices and the choices of those around us. People will make the choices they do. You are only responsible for the choices you make.

This year, I've seen some of these folks I sat with make terrible, ugly choices, and learn as a result. The up-shot of this has led to my creating a new page here at this website, one I call 'Life Stories', a compilation of some of the lives that I know of that have been inspirational and uplifting.

Equal time to the opposing side of life will continue to appear on this scroll from time to time. Like the Safeway Lady, who took Xanax and gin and learned a whole bunch of lessons, poor thing.

Years ago, I worked with a man who was widely hailed as one of the best journalists in the world. He was a bit of a cynic, as I learned when I asked him what he thought of the future of newspapers. Removing his cigarette from his mouth, he looked up toward the ceiling then around the room and then at me. 'Paper's will always sell as long as they print bad news'. Right then and there, I knew that my days in the Newspaper Game were over, as cynicism is not good for me, nor for most of us.

Attitude is altitude, and what one thinks and feels influences how one acts and says and does. Cynics do not appear to love life or themselves. How can one learn to love life from another who does not exhibit self love? Most of the cynics, and I have known several, all met rather unpleasant ends, and left behind them in their death wake the detrius of defeat and despair. Teachers, is how I see them, folks whose lives have shown me the way NOT to go. 

Upward and onward! Love and learn and let live!

 

December 15, 2009

Mercury, planet of Communication and action, and Pluto, planet of the unexpected, are sure doing a fandango...

This was a day when many of us did not want to stir from our beds...a lazy start to the day, and not really going until nearly 11AM.  Having the Moon in Sagittarius is just the help I need to keep going forward. So many details to attend to, but I know that if I do, all will flow better, today and tomorrow. Somedays, the planets aren't working for us, but we still have to push through, and keep on keeping on, as they say.

Party at my pub this evening, 6:30PM sharp, with invitations in hand, and one is in. The couple behind me, what cool shoes, didn't have an Invite and had to wait, but got in shortly. What a crowd there was, so many familiar faces without names, and so many introductions were made this evening. Quite crowded, but a nice crowd, very well mannered for the most part, and free drinks! What's not to like?

It turns out that a pub-mate of mine is the therapist who wound up seeing the poor woman mentioned yesterday. Such a small world San Francisco is, all 800,000 of us....

She was quite drunk, and have been taking Ambien and something else and all of this conspired to knock her for a loop, and that is what I saw. She was a mess, and eventually after lots of water and a short lie-down she felt much better, and could make sense of where she was and why. Turns out she is a big Lady Lawyer here in the City, and is so mortified by what happened. Mercury conjunct Pluto. What a mess.

It's almost balmy out, a bit of a chill in the air, but not really. Here it is, just a Tuesday evening. Rain in the forecast, and sun peeking through from time to time, rather quite lovely.

Update on the Kindle II: What a cool toy this thing is. I can see myself spending mucho bucks all the time. The battery doesn't seem to last very long, as I found out yesterday in line at the Post Office( 870 million pieces mailed that day) and the screen froze then delivered the battery message. But over all, what a cool toy. Now if it can just expand to book on demand...c'mon, tomorrow! Get here, already...

 

December 14, 2009

The whirl of the days of the end of the year continue. The backyard is paved with yellow Japanese Maple leaves, looking like the scales of some fantastical beast that has trailed through our property. Winter's approach continues as the world turns, and Father Frost drives Autumn away. Most of the trees around us are deciduous, with two big exceptions of pine trees. My ever-green reminders that Spring lives through the depth of Winter, helping me to keep hope alive.

Having been out and about these past few nights and weekends, it looks to me as if we are all huddling against the Winter that is coming. The big, thick coats are out now, and folks are dressing in layers of clothing, the outermost being waterproof to some degree. It is not cold, with temperatures hovering in the 50's F., not bad at all.

Stores and streets are seeing many more foot falls now, and even grocery shopping, a usually mundane event, is changed. Popping into my local Safeway this weekend was an exercise in restraint, many many times. One of the downsides of this time of year is dealing with strangers. Here's an example: A woman is shoving a full shopping cart around narrow aisles crowded with other people and their carts. She goes around a corner too fast and the cart overturns, spilling its contents. She had put bottles of alcohol on top of many packages of paper goods, and the load and the speed were beyond safe physics. She starts screaming, a rant about the cart that expands into a diatribe against her Mother-in-law and then her Husband. All the while most folks have moved on. I and two other folks salvage what we can, three store employees come to condon the area and sweep up the glass and before too long we're done. The woman gives us each a hug, tearing streaming down her face, saying over and over 'I'm sorry' as we move on. Later I see her checking out, she is having a hard time, and then a Security man approaches, and then I hear shouting and raised voices. As I round a corner, I see the woman and she is raising her hand to slap the Checker, a small Asian woman. The Security man stops her and pulls her toward the aisle. More cussing and screaming and then two Police Officers are running in one of the doors and silently they take the woman by the arm and walk her out the door, all the while she is cursing and screaming, trying to raise her arms, but the Police had both of them restrained.

The Holidays can bring out tensions in our lives, family and all that has happened in the past can overwhelm us and make us react in ways that surprise us and others. This time of year for me is one in which I learn to work with my emotions and reactions, and grow from the work.

This time of year is always full of feeling and memory. One of the things I'll do is to take out photos of those I have lost to death this year, relationships that have been forever altered, and I will remember the best of times that we shared here on Earth. There's nothing I can do to stay the hand of death, it is for me to remember the love shared, and the laughter and joy we shared, and the gift of time.

 

December 11, 2009

I started life, as a small child, being told by Mom that I was Finnish and by Dad that I was Scot, Irish, English.

Later my Mom's Brother, my Uncle, said we were part Welsh.

My Mom and Dad never went to Church of any kind, ever. Sunday School was not for me. The first Church I ever entered was a Congregational one in Van Nuys, California when my Sister Melodie got married in 1961, when I was ten years old.

As I grew older, I would ask about my ancestry, and was given the melange above as my answer. Every relative I met had been born in America, and they were from Arizona and Kansas and Missouri and Kentucky. Ethnically caucasian. Average white kid, growing up in Los Angeles, divorced parents, no historical or ethic identification. Vanilla.

Fast (sometimes blindingly so) forward to today. I now have genetic proof that I am American going back to the Pilgrims and Plymouth Rock, Irish (until 1661) Scots (until 1778) Mexican (as of 1895) French (via Canada 1900) and German (1892). 

In discovering where the roots in my Family tree spring from, I discovered along the way that I have Jewish Ancestry, and that if folks had kept their religion I well might have been born Jewish. Knowing of the anti-Semitism that ran in my Family, this revelation is very ironic. Who'd da knew, nu?

This year, as I have now for the past couple, I will celebrate Hanukkah, and bless those Jews who helped me to be here this year, all Jews in the world, practicing and not, and all peoples, that the bright light of truth and right shines from the candle light of each night, until the light shed is bright enough that those of us blind of sight and perception can feel its warmth and bask in its glow.

Happy Hanukkah!

 

December 9, 2009

Woke up to some ugly news, a message on my phone. Horrible, terrible news.

What do you do when someone you know is about to make a terrible mistake?

I have tried every method of communication I know to try to help someone I care about to realize the truth of their situation, to no avail.

Mercury conjunct Pluto - mistakes will be made.

One of the most powerful aspects about being human is our free will, as it can be a godsend or it can be a nightmare. In my lifetime, I have seen some folks make massive mistakes, critical errors in judgement. Sometimes the results have been tragic, like when a death is involved. It is very sad to know that someone has brought about their own death, as I always wonder why they thought they were done living? Right now, what's bugging me, is that the person I care about is being manipulated by themselves and another.

Some folks do not want to see clearly and with clarity, and that is their choice. My love is not conditional, so I will continue to care, but I can feel this will end badly, I just hope no one else is brought into this situation, of bad choices and choosing what looks good and isn't.

The lesson to me is to continue to learn to trust and rely on my own thinking and feeling, and to wish well on all of us.

Along these lines, recently I learned about some powerful information about nature versus nurture. It turns out that nurture is more powerful. An example given was how much better patients in a hospital improved when they were called by their first name and touched more, and interacted with more. It turns out that we respond better to love and care. These studies showed a direct link between being nurtured as a child and the later development of serious illnesses like diabetes and cancer. Powerful information.

There is so much to learn, each and every day. New things are occurring daily, and the one's that feel good and right are the one's to trust. You can feel in it your bones.

 

December 8, 2009

Went to bed last night after hearing on the TV (www.weather.com) that there were very cold temperatures coming into California and that it would be very snowy in Northern California this morning, and from the footage I've seen this morning (www.nbcbayarea.com) , baby, it's cold outside. Like 34 degrees in the City, colder than I have ever known it to be. Hope all the impatiens I've planted make it through this, along with the coleus. Just grabbing the paper (www.nytimes.com) was a shock to the system.

But enough about that, as today is special: 22 years of being in a primary relationship---that is more than both my parents combined, I think, and they had like 11 marriages between them and others, Dad being the most serial in his choices, always tallish and dark haired with dark eyes, like my Mom. Now I think and feel that I understand why so many relationships fail, and it is the lack of love that causes this. And it is from this vantage point I'd like to make an observation:

Love honestly, be understanding, don't let your genitals or heart rule: balance them with your intelligence, forgive and forget when you both hash stuff out, as every relationship has stuff, and never stop loving yourself, for without self love you cannot truly love another and what that kind of love is is called co-dependence (not a good thing). Love on.

Off my soapbox, and on with a busy day, albeit one of many layers, like silk underwear from www.wintersilks.com and clothes from www.landsend.com and elsewhere. Usually my Tuesdays are relatively uncrowded but I can feel that will not be the case today. Ah well, life on Earth...

Twenty two years - and glad and grateful to have enjoyed them. Here's to 22 more!

Love on!!

 

December 7, 2009

This is one of those days....or to quote someone 'Oy the day I've had today'....

learning to accept that which happens is just a little bit of work, sometimes, and this is one of those times.

I thought I had it figured out and knew what was going to happen, on the one hand. I thought I would be flying down to Los Angeles this morning to continue work I've been doing for some time, and had made a list of things to follow through on, and had put my stuff together and had everything planned. Or so I thought....

and on the other hand, I knew that something was going to happen and kept waiting for it to do so, so that I did not have to do additonal work, and kept waiting and waiting and waiting...

and both of these issues collided today.

For some reason, as yet unrevealed, I woke up at 12:34AM this morning. I'd fallen asleep around 10PM or so and had drifted off to sleep, and the next thing I know, I am awake. I turn over and close my eyes and lay there. And lay there. And lay there....

damn, OK, so I get up and get a drink of milk, which usually puts me to sleep. Back to bed, pull up the covers, close eyes and wait for the Sandman. and wait ...and wait...and wait...

Someone is holding him hostage....

Now it is almost 2AM and I am wide awake. Double damn!

OK, time to grab the lavender....breathe deep, relax, and grab covers and close eyes....

Nada...let's do it again, deeper breath....

Zilch....OK time to pull out all the stops! And everything that I do results in me being wide awake. Way awake.

And then it's nearly 4AM, the time I was going to be starting to wake up to make my early morning flight, and I have not slept enough and feel very sluggish and fuzzy and too awake to sleep. Way too damn!

so I get up and stumble, for real, to the shower and feel so sleepy and fuzzy and weird. And hoping that I would wake up is a figment of my imagination, and I am trying to shave and so sleepy I cut myself and oh what the hell, this is not going well.

Off to the telephone and call American (www.aa.com) and cancel my trip. Then  cancel my rental car (www.thrifty.com) .

DAMN, damn, damn!!!

Returning to my bed, I flop down and feel so tired and weird. How unexpected this day is starting out, and oh, what the heck...

the next thing I know it is after 9AM and the sun is playing hide and seek with clouds, dark clouds. The television has footage of snow blanketing cars in Danville, not too far from here. Moving at about half speed, I get up and get some coffee. Walking to get it, I glance at my business phone and notice that it's flashing, I have a message. Checking it, I learn that an appointment  cancellation that I have been waiting for is now occurring. Finally. I had known the evening after making it that it would be canceled, and now it is.

The un-expected and the expected, cheek and jowl. Back to back,side to side.

What a funny day. Snow in the Bay Area and a day I had not planned for. What an excellent opportunity to make use of time that I had not thought I would have. There are piles of things that are calling my attention, all of them interesting.

Life is like that, sometimes. Make the best of your time here, that's my motto for the day, and off I went. 

Now as I write these words, I am surprised at how much I got accomplished today. My book about death is shaping up nicely, and my family research is producing results.

Make use of time and it will make use of you.

 

December 4, 2009

Winter is coming to San Francisco soon, judging by the ambient temperature this early morning, a Friday. Looking down my street I can see drifts of brown leaves, curled up and lifeless, under cars and in driveways and here and there. The street cleaner yesterday as it roared up my street collected masses of them as it went along, leaving clean pavement in its wake.

Maybe that is part of the job of Winter, to help clean and clear our world along, and what it does for the deciduous trees is complemented in what it can do for us, if we let it.

For years, I heard about Spring cleaning as I grew up, and from time to time I would roll up my sleeves and jump in and set my home in order. It was always such a great feeling to have my home clean and orderly and just the way I wanted it to be, albeit temporarily.

So for the past few years now, I have taken the lesson of Spring cleaning to heart and try to do it with the change of season as the year marches along. Summer and Fall and Winter cleaning opportunities is what I call them. They are not promises I've made or any kind of commitment, just an opportunity afforded by the calendar, for me to do a bit more than 'pick up the house' i.e. light cleaning, a 'lick and a promise to return' as my Grandma Bea called it.

Granted, the days ahead are full of things to do and places to go and be and all of that, but there is just a small window coming up when I can devote 4 hours to cleaning my house, and I know already that there are items to give to folks who can use them, and stuff to give to charity, and a thing that may be able to be repaired. I can almost smell the wood soap now, such a delightful smell to me, that I will be using on some furniture that could use it.

Once this is done I can forage for a Christmas Tree and bring in the smell of the forests into our rooms and beings. Maybe it's the pagan in me, but there is something about the smell of some evergreen trees that just makes a smile come to my face, and a lightness come to my heart. One of the bleakest Christmas' for me came years ago, living such as it were, in London. I was so poor and miserable, the crummy weather, the cold and the rain, the lack of job prospects- just awful. Someone I knew who knew of my frame of mind gave me a tiny little tree, about two feet tall, as a gift to cheer me up. I thanked her and later, when the tree was sitting on the floor of my bed-sit (single room), I thought I would toss it out in the morning. The funny thing was waking up the next morning in a good mood, and instantly the smell of a fir tree was in my nostrils and it came to me: tree = good memories. I decorated it with trash I found at one of my 'temp' jobs, some ribbon that had been on someones gift. The ribbon was a gift to me, that's how I saw it. It was a cute little tree, and it was with me for quite a while, until it lost all of its scent. A very long Christmas, indeed. 

On with the Holidays! Cheers to you and yours! 

 

December 2, 2009

Hello to the Gulf of Guinea! Thanks for reading and what are you doing on that boat you must be on?

An early Holiday gift I just heard about:

Years ago, a man came to see me, having been referred by his Mom. He came because he had a bad and power-hungry manager who was abusive and made pointed comments all the time, and let him know that he was a target. I confirmed his worst fears and told him to seek a new job. This he does, his boss tries to scuttle him but isn't able to. He loves his new job and does well and gets promoted and one day finds himself face to face with his former boss, who again starts by making a crude remark about him. Surprising himself, he cuts off what the man was saying and says to him "Let's you and I get to business". Not surprising is what a crook his old boss turns out to be, offering false accounts and fake promises, and Mr. Crooked is rebuffed. Karma - just desserts - balance.

Bad is not good. It never can be. Unless it changes.

When my client called and told me of his exchange, he also told me that he had doubted that there would ever be justice meted out to his former boss, and how surprised he was that it was he who wound up exposing how crooked his old boss was. I told him that he was fortunate and brave to be the one to set things right, and to learn to trust more.

Comeuppance - what a word.

Life can look uncertain and confusing and cloudy and unsure. That perspective is not going to help, if it is the only one that we adopt. I try to balance that negative way of looking at life by remembering all of the good and positive and wonderful things that have happened to me and to others that I know about, and to stand on two legs, as it were. Doubt and will - that's what I call it, this balancing act that I do. What I trust is my motivation, my intention: love, help and do no harm. I will love and do my best. And continue to learn to trust, starting with me.

All of us are psychic. It is a faculty that we all possess, like our other senses, and we can use it or not, as we choose. In trusting ones self, one can learn just how psychic one is, how balanced one is in life, and see how clear one is. Most of us get this perception quickly and with clarity.

I think of life as a classroom, all of us students and teachers. Using this scenario, I work at being a good teacher and a good student, each and every day. And each day brings something new, some good and some bad. And an opportunity for me to grow and learn and keep becoming.

At this time of year, with Winter blowing in and short days and long nights still to come, love on. Just do your best!

 

December 1, 2009

World AIDS Day.

Talking with a client yesterday, I learned that 20 percent of the citizens of San Francisco that have AIDS do not know.

In this day and age of terrible things happening on a global scale, it is all the more shocking to know that people continue to take terrible care of themselves, and sacrifice their health and lives for questionable reasons. The power of ego and the lack of self esteem are a deadly mix.

When I moved to San Francisco in 1983 I reconnected with my best friend in High School, Mike Gold. Mike and I had been friends since I was 14 and had lost touch, so finding out through mutual friends that he was in the same city was great. Shortly thereafter, Mike called me and we got together. He was still the same Mike Gold, sweet and funny and just a bit goofy. He looked me right in the eye and said "I have the plague" and we both had a good cry. We stayed in touch, but Mike had changed in ways that were so subtle and sad. He looked hunted and haunted, and I could imagine the scary scenario that played in his head. Mike's death came quietly one day, and I miss him to this day.

Life is precious. The time we have here is precious. Make the most of this life, and live in love. Everyone around you, including you, will benefit.

 

November 28, 2009

Attention: Single Women

If you are looking to meet men and want to be entertained at the same time, go to a car show.

The Auto Show just opened here on Thanksgiving Day, and judging from the crowds going into the building, the ratio of men to women is about 10 to 1, excellent odds of meeting men. And from having attended car shows myself, I know that men, yours truly included, can lose themselves in the worship of sheet metal. Maybe it's the way men are wired, but whatever it is, car shows draw men. As do sporting events, but car shows allow for more freedom of movement and the chance to meet eyes more than most games. Most of them are held indoors so the weather won't wreck your hair, and there is coat and bag check, and food as well. At last years car show here in SF there were scads of fellahs walking around, the vast majority straight guys with some gay guys thrown in because this is San Francisco and we're tolerant about that sort of thing.

Anyway, check it out if you've a mind to. I plan on going next Tuesday to see what the global auto companies think is the leading if not bleeding edge of the industry. Hopefully more alternative fuels, no more ethanol thank you, and more safety designs and devices. Having read about the ups and downs of car companies this year almost daily, I look forward to what these companies have learned.

On another note, now that I am coming out of my food coma, induced by my mate, I can report that my new Kindle (www.amazon.com/kindle) is a pip. Yesterday I came face to face with Emily Dickinson, at least a drawing of her reproduced on the Kindle screen as I shut it down after having selected a book for free, a Black Friday promotion I guess. Standing waiting the other day, I pulled out my Kindle and turned it on and it went right to the last page I had been reading, how sweet is that? And it holds lots of books, and magazines and newspapers and even blogs. I usually read more than one book at a time, in fact right now I've got four that I am reading, different genres to be sure. Having this slim device, fits in a larger pocket, and holds many more books than I would read at a time is wonderful. Light, no pages to flip, just buttons and a key board. And it turns itself off as well. Easy-peasy!

It will never replace the feel and smell and enjoyment that a printed book brings to me, as can be seen in my Home Office cum Library. Since a small child I have loved books and reading, and credit this ability with helping to have advanced me in life. Surely my educative efforts would not have been made easier by the absence of the printed word.

I remember when my Grandma Edith first saw a color TV. She looked at it for a while then said that it was easier to look at but no better. Grandma would not have thought that about the Kindle.

 

November 27, 2009

Did I mention that I have available for you two, count'em two, wonderful products?

Today is Black Friday and the peoples are shopping. America is on sale, deeply discounted. Come and get it!

Images this morning on TV about folks lining up at midnight to be the first to rush in and find something that they want and plunk down their cash or credit and on and on, one after the other, on and on. This scene is repeated across the land, East Coast to Hawai'i, and maybe even elsewhere too. Retail gurus say that today is the start to Holiday shopping and is an indication of what the year end will look like. From what I saw of it this morning, it looks to be a good retail season. And some of the deals that I've seen advertized have been quite good.

Electronics and toys seem to the leading the discount charge this season, with clothing right behind. If it is not at a good price point it will stay on the rack, period. Consumers have taken and continue to take quite a hit this year, and now they're out there, fiercely shopping, and no measly 20% off is gonna do, you wanna sell it you gotta sales it. Retail road rules. Sell sell sell!

Hence my shameless self promotion at the start.

It's a great day to pump the US of A's economy, and my book and T-shirt are yours for the asking.

Happy Black Friday, and to the start of the Holly Daze. Enjoy the season and you in it. Love on!

 

November 26, 2009

4:15AM---It is way too early but I'm up, for who or what I do not know, just that I'm awake.

6:45AM---A cup of steaming joe (coffee) and I'm up and running and showered and shaved and dressed and cleaning my house. More to do.

11AM-----Well, the house is pretty clean and the self-cleaning oven is doing just that and now is the time time to read the paper and watch the parade on TV.

3:10PM--Did I mention the nap? Time to dress for Thanksgiving dinner.

Family and friends and food and football and fun, that's the aliteration I'm going for this year. And heartfelt thanks, to life and love and all that is.

May this day be thankful for all of us the world over, in bonds of peace and understanding and compassion and forgiveness. Happy ThanksGiving!

 

 

November 22, 2009

Hello Sumatra! I hope to visit your natural beauty and meet your wonderful peoples, someday!

When I was a kid I saw a man sitting on top of a black Cadillac station wagon, just for a flash and then he disappeared. I asked my Mom, who was driving our old 1951 Ford Coupe through the streets of Glendale, California, if she'd seen him, she said she hadn't. But I knew I had, and what was even weirder was that I knew he saw me and waved before he was eclipsed by a truck that blocked him for my view, and when the truck moved the man and the hearse were gone.

Death is not the end of life, just a pause and a chance to reflect on how and who one has been.

I am working on a book about death, about my understanding and experience of it, and have had more than 400 convsations with people who have experienced death. It is fascinating to hear of their encounter with the Grim Reaper and what they have learned from it, as death is quite a teacher.

During my readings I came across this bit: Life is a loan from Death

Quite a thought, isn't it. But if you hold it as true then the value of your life, of all life, increases tremendously. Such is the power of death to teach.

A friend of mine is losing his Mom to Alzheimer's disease, and day by day she slips into the void that resembles death but is not the release of death. It is very painful for both of them. There are times when she is terrified and screams and makes quite a scene. Other times she is cheerful and greets him, although she may not be sure who he is, exactly, and they have a nice time together.

Another friend just lost her Dad to cancer, suddenly and quickly death came for him and he was gone and the shell that was his body was all that was left, and that was soonafter burned up. He lives on in memory, his life and death teaching much to those around him about the true nature of what love is and not what it claims to be. His death is teaching about truth, a good and powerful thing.

None of us gets out of this world alive. It is in living that we leave it.

What we leave behind in the hearts and minds of others is part of our legacy. To this day I think about that man I saw, sitting on the hearse that contained his mortal remains, and how glad he was waving to me, knowing that he was still with us here, just not as he was before. His legacy for me has been to teach me about death and what an amazing disappearing act it is, what magic life truly holds, because of death.

Death is terrible and worst and necessary. Living well, being a good person with good values and a good heart, leads to a good death, from what I have learned. The opposite also holds true.

Yesterday I got a copy of my Mom's Death Certificate having learned of it through Ancestry.com, and this morning as I sat with it I was propelled back to her death and how valiant she had been at the end, torn asunder by her pooly managed 49 year old body and her self destructive habits. Not a good death. A teaching death, however, to me, her legacy being to love ones self and not be so arrogant and pig-headed and full of self deception, never forgiving or forgetting. Teaching me to love and cherish the good and to forgive and forget the pain of the bad.

Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Death.

 

November 20, 2009

The Holly-Daze are upon us!

I'd been working on my writing most of yesterday, and then had an appointment at the end of the day so I took myself out to see what was going on in San Francisco. Woo-hoo! The Holidays are here!

The streets of San Francisco (catchy title) were amass of people moving hither and yon, everybody going someplace, most at a clip pace. Store windows, those without 'For Lease' signs, announced a sale and reductions on merchandise. There were splashes of red everywhere, and at the corner of 5th and Market streets the drummer guy there was beating out Christmas songs. It is clearly the Holly-Daze.

Another year is drawing to a close. Out with the old and in with the new.

Now through year end, and a bit after that, I will be thinking about all that this year has brought me, the good and the bad. Both have taught me more about life and who I am in it.

Yesterday was a great reminder to me of how life is here on Earth for us folks - I saw angry people and sad people and stoned people and grumpy people and happy people and laughing people and smiling people and alert people, all kinds of people in all kinds of moods.

Attitude is altitude.

I personally do not like being angry or sad or stoned or grumpy more than I can help it, and help it I do. While out yesterday, stolling along Herb Caen Way on the Embarcadero, doing a bit of penance for mis-spelling his name in yesterdays blog, since corrected, I passed a couple having a serious discussion about something. They were both gesturing and moving and showing faces of anger and pain and hurt. How I wished I have some magical power to zap them and remind them of the importance of love and the unimportance of ego in the face of love. Alack and alas, my power ends at my skin.

And my skin was having a lovely late afternoon and early evening of it, there along the Bay, the seagulls whirling overhead, the smell of the sea and the clang of old trolley cars. At the Ferry Building the market stalls were winding down for the day, but the colors of the offerings gleamed in the fading sunlight and still drew purchasers. The skateboarders in front of the building were winding down too, but there were still a couple of kids rolling and leaping and laughing.

Happy Holly-Daze! Let's make this year end wonder-filled!

 

November 18, 2009

One of the interesting things about being married to a baker, not a Baker, is to watch the tempo as it picks up as reflected by work hours and jobs. Right now, the march to Thanksgiving has started, as of this morning. Off to the Wholesale Produce Market (www.sfproduce.org) here in San Francisco, where some of the finest ingredients available on Earth are sold daily. Walking through the Market is a clear view to the bounty that we have here in the City (Thank you Herb Caen) and it makes me recall other markets where the pickings are much more slim, as are the vendors. But not here, nothing slim about our Produce Market. This morning is all about pumpkins, what types are for sale and what's best for turning into pies and tarts and cookies and puddings and muffins and maybe even brioche...

I'll tell you, it is not easy, being surrounded on all sides by tempting sweets and savories, and the extra 15 pounds I carry are testament to my will power when it comes to food. In light of some of the other substances I have used over the years to comfort myself, food is the least dangerous for the time being.

How can one refuse a fresh from the oven pain au chocolat? Or a sticky bun? Or a wonderful empanada? And here come the Holidays!

America, being the melting pot that it is, celebrates each and every holiday by eating. Pick a holiday or a festival and there will be food, I assure you. Years ago I went with a friend to an Armenian Festival to watch the dancing. What stopped me in my tracks were the foods on offer, things I had never seen and the smells and the colors were too much for my will power. Later I understood the energy shown by the dancers, working off some of the delicacies they had consumed earlier. Thanksgiving is very much a harvest festival harking back to the days of yore, and a wonderful time to celebrate, for any reason.

The warm glow that is on the face when one is well fed and relaxed and engaged in being and doing and maybe even laughing adds to the glow around us and in our dwelling and the dwellings around and around as happiness spreads.

 

November 17, 2009

My little while fur covered alarm clock woke me up this morning shortly before 3 AM. She has a way of curling up next to me when she's sleepy, and just the warmth of her is enough to put me in slumberland straight-away! But this day started with her touching my cheek, then sitting on my chest upright. This was enough to cause me to open my eyes and pet her a few times. Satisfied, she hopped off the bed to wander to another room...

It was then that I remembered that there is a meteor shower happening right now in the sky above me called the Leonids. So up I get and grab a thick robe and go outdoors (OMG it's so cold!) and look up and there they are, flashes in the sky, every few minutes or so, sometimes quicker, which is a good thing as I do not plan on freezing my behind all that long. But what a sight the meteors are!

Life's like that. Sometimes that step out of ones routine is just what one needs.

Hours later, waking up to the news of the day, and along the way I learn that the Oxford University Press (www.oup.com) has named its Word of the Year and it is: unfriend, the removal of someone from ones social networking websites. How flexible is the English language, I ask you? Out of all the languages that I have tried to learn over the years (Spanish, French, Italian, Portugese, Russian, Finnish, Japanese, Chinese, Bahasa Indonesian, and now German) there is nothing like English. Scholars say that it is the hardest language to learn of the common modern languages, and I believe them.

Now I know what to call what happened a few weeks ago. There was this guy on www.facebook.com who sent me a 'Friend Request'. I looked at his profile and saw that he was a supporter of education in his home country and seemed like a nice enough guy, so I replied in the affirmative. This started a sometimes more than weekly series of exchanges, and early on he asked me to help him with his English which I was glad to do. He sent a couple of cryptic messages, one about 'Trust what you think you know' and another along the lines of being generous. Then he announced that he was looking for a job as he had graduated from something or somewhere, and then sent me a message asking if someday, when he came to America, if he and I could meet. Something felt 'hinky', that is to say, not right, with his message and I did not reply. I looked into him a bit deeper on Facebook and noticed that he had many friends outside of his home country, that he was a Minister of a local Christian Fellowship, and visited Muslim sites. Quite informative it was, so I just waited, and sure enough, the bite came one day when he sent me a message asking for money and telling me that he was in trouble with the local Authorities, all 'bad Muslims' he said, and he needed to bribe his way out of their attention.

My bull-shit meter went off the hook, and I told him so. He protested and then sent me a message telling me I was a bad person and then he was not longer in my friend list on Facebook. Unfriended, I was, and glad of it.

Social networking is interesting to those it interests, and not for everyone. For me, it has helped to underscore my deep seated unspoken knowingness and the role that it plays in my life and the importance of trusting my guts.

 

November 15, 2009

I just had a great phone call and have to write about it!

A guy I kinda knew at my gym and I started talking as we were on adjoining treadmills. He said something about not knowing much about his family. I replied that I could help him find connections through www.ancestry.com. He gave me some data about him and his parents and I went to work.

Months later, last week, I get a note from Ancestry.com concerning a message from another subscriber. I read the message and learn that the woman writing me is a distant relative of my gym buddy. Later that day there's my gym buddy, Jim (no I'm not making this up). I tell him about the woman and he says to give her his phone number, so I do, and this is where the wonderful electronic world we live in kicks into high gear.

Turns out she's a font of family information that Jim had wondered about for more than 70 years of his life. He's got family he didn't know about, and he is thrilled.

So thrilled that he had to call me and tell me all about it, and it brought tears to both of us to feel how deep the connect of family can be.

Good and bad. Just like real life.

and about this electronic world we live in, I was recently gifted with a Kindle. What an interesting device this is. Downloadable books, newspapers, magazines, blogs, and I am sure more to come. From the folks at Amazon (www.amazon.com). It will never replace the feeling of holding a book in ones hands, a feeling I relish. Books have always been special to me, and one look around my book lined office shows how much. But this Kindle is cool, and I look forward to exploring it in the days ahead.

 

November 13, 2009

Hello Madurai and Tokyo! Welcome and Thanks for dropping by.

It is a Friday here on the Left Edge of North America, the last day, for most, of the 5 day Monday through Friday work week.

This Friday is also a 'Friday the Thirteenth', 13 being viewed as an unlucky number. That's how many folks were at the Last Supper and we all know how that turned out---and thirteen has gone from being unlucky at table to being unlucky everywhere. That seems to be the nature of things here on Earth, things slide around. Luck is here and not there, and is elusive and hard to find, so says a woman I know, Mrs. Yiu, one of the residents here in San Francisco I've gotten to know over the years. When luck strikes, grab it, she says, as one never knows where it will strike next.

So, 13 is auspicious and stands out culturally the world over. Make of it what you choose. Just don't ask me to be the 13th person at a gathering...

The end of the year also looms, and Christmas is already on the shelves at the high and low streets, and sales are starting to be advertised. Year end is such a time for all of us on this little blue and white orb spinning in this tiny corner of the Universe. Lately there have been many new photos released by NASA showing some of the sights in the heavens above us. They are amazing to see. Scientists say that there are undoubtedly other planets with life on them. I find that thought comforting, knowing that there is so much more than my eyes see that exists in our lives.

Enjoy the weekend!

 

November 11, 2009

It's Triple Eleven Day! 11-11-2009= 11-11-11! Number sequences were a hobby of Carl Jung's, and they are mine. Thanks to Barb T for being the first to tell me today was coming! Here's hoping numbers do us all good!

Social media sites like www.facebook.com and www.xing.com and www.myspace.com and www.twitter.com are interesting. I have met, cyber-speaking, dozens of folks the world over through these sites, and have met folks I never would have crossed paths with. It's been very cool.

Like the young girl in Zimbabwe who has since moved to South Africa and is doing better in her life because of the encouragement she received cyberly, if that's a word. Or the old woman in Hong Kong who got tired of her Grandson being on the computer all the time and decided to look into what a computer can do for one. In her case, it opened up a world to her that has resulted in her leaving Hong Kong for the first time and visiting her Sister in Singapore. There are so many good stories I have learned of.

To be sure, there have been some icky ones, too. Like the awful guy in Ghana who started to send out anti-Western hate mail after connecting through Facebook. He sure got bombarded by responses, most of them quite crude. Or the woman in Italy who had a 'prayer scam' going on, preying on people is more like what she was really doing.

Just like the mail that comes to ones home, e-mail is to be regarded with a cool, level eye. If it looks too good to be true, it is not true. Always remember to trust your guts, your inner knowing-ness. 

 

November 10, 2009

Hello Edmonton! Hello Munich!

Great to see my readers all over the world on my www.citymax.com dashboard display that shows me statistics and data, and I hope that this website is useful to all of you.

On the subject of useful, have I ever mentioned the importance of education? I taught school for years, from pre-school to college, working on my Educational Psychology program, and to this day I thank all of my teachers, and all teachers.

One of the most impactful things that we can receive is education, and education can and does make a difference in life choices.

Today I support education in a variety of ways, from direct gifts to schools to volunteering to giving money, as I am all too aware of the role that education played in giving me a life I truly enjoy living, even at its darkest moments. Here in the States, we have a website for folks to locate classmates from all the years and all the schools they attended, it's www.classmates.com and it's very interesting.

Having lived in many places during my childhood years (Big Pine, California; Glendale, CA; Mojave, CA; Newberry Springs, CA; Eagle Rock, CA; Highland Park, CA; and that's not counting what I got in Finland as a real little kid) I was exposed, yah, that's the word, to a wide variety of teachers. Most of them cared about teaching and gave it their effort, and I was always struck each time I started a new school, or a substitute teacher came, how different people teach.

I teach by example.

And I learn by example, as there have been so many wonderful people who have crossed my life-path to date, and I look forward to the ones I'll meet in the future. The over-arching truth about life, as I have learned, is that there is a duality expressed in each and every facet of life and living: good and bad, and that we are all faced with a seemingly endless, until the end of this life at least, series of choices to make, several times a day.

Regarding the entry of November 6, 2009, below: I met with the woman involved and explained to her the difficulty I was having with the disparity between her words and her actions toward me, and we had a long discussion over tea. C. S. Lewis said that there was never a big enough cup of tea for him, and this was true for us as well. We went over our differences, point by point, and cleared up many mis-understandings. There were awkward and heated moments, but my resolve was to resolve the continuation of our relationship, on or off. And it's on, of which I am glad.

Sesame Street, as it is called here in the States, turns 40 years old tomorrow. Televised education! What a wonderful world!

One can learn something new, every day, if one wants to...

 

November 8, 2009

I was 10 years old, reading the newspaper in the Los Angeles suburb of Highland Park, near Pasadena, when I learned that they were building a wall in the middle of Berlin. I wasn't clear on all the background and details, but I remember having a gut-wrenching feeling, sitting there at the kitchen table in my Mom's house on Arroyo Seco, and knowing then and there that this wall was the start of what would be scary, terrible times for the world, and it came to pass.

What a lousy way to develop one's psychic sense.

And the Berlin Wall was built and Berlin and Germany and the world divided. Terrible times.

Flash forward to 20 years ago, tomorrow, and the Berlin Wall coming down! Wonderful times, truly wonder filled and full.

This past February, at the invitation of my cousin Wini, I went to Berlin for the first time. Wini was born in what was East Berlin, before WWII and now goes back to Berlin from her home in Ohio every couple of years, and her perspective on the Wall and the city it divided is vivid and sharp. She took me over to her old neighborhood one afternoon. The difference between what was East and West is still clear, with the East part of the city having lots of run down and abandoned buildings.

Where the Wall was is demarcated by rough pavers set into the ground, throughout Berlin. One morning, I set out early and traced the path of the Wall in the center of town. How shocking to realize that the Wall had cut the heart of the city in two, and how wonderful to see that major renovation had taken place in these same areas of the city, knitting it back together, solidly and beautifully.

Tomorrow I will celebrate my German ancestors and their descendants and be thankful that, day by day, we humans grow and learn and evolve and become, most of us for the better and brighter. To the triumph of the human spirit! Let's tear down the walls that keep us from loving and living.

 

November 6, 2009

And then there is the other side, of anything. Everything has an opposite, like up and down, left and right, good and bad...

it's the bad I'm dealing with right now. There's someone I've known for quite a while who has wronged me in the past and has again wronged me.

What a bummer!

The first time I was wronged in our relationship I communicated my thinking and feeling, and received an apology.

When it happened again, I again talked about what I thought and what I felt, and received another apology.

Guess what?!

Now, with this new information about this individuals words and deeds, I am wronged and harmed. Ick!

So I am now preparing my thoughts and feelings so that I can communicate myself correctly, and not lose myself in emotion or the lack thereof.

During my life, both professionally and personally, I have been lied to, lied about, hood-winked, bamboozled, and bullshitted. The audacity of people has never ceased to amaze me. Some folks think, if that is what it can be called, their process, that they have the right to use the people of the world for their own self interest. Wow, are they wrong.

Dead wrong, every time.

I know that some folks think that karmic retribution is hogwash, and those are the kind of folks I try to steer clear of, as they are not dealing honestly from a fair deck, so to speak. I remember the first time I really saw karma kick someone's ass, it was in 6th Grade at Garvanza Elementary School in Highland Park, California. My first day at a new school and this kid comes up to me and asks to borrow a dime. I give him one. The next day I asked for my dime back and he shoved me to the ground and laughed and walked away. After that I saw him do this two more times, to new kids in the school. One was this 5th Grader, a girl named Sally. She gave him a quarter. When she asked for it back he walked away. She went home and told her Mom, who came to school the next day and spoke with the School Principal. The up-shot was that he and his parents met with the Principal and Sally and her parents and he was suspended for one day. After that, he was no longer a bully and repaid us all. His Mom was a bit scary...

Try as I might, I am unable to avoid the not-so-good folks of this world, and like all of us, must deal with some real shnooks. The best I can do is to be honest and clear in my thoughts and feelings, and to communicate them concisely and clearly.

That's what I'll be working on today, as I prepare to resolve this current problem before me. 'Lie down with dogs, get up with fleas'. Great old saying, that. The problem is that there are too many dogs to avoid them, and fleas, i.e. problems with people, are unavoidable. The best one can do is to take care of one's self, honestly and with love.

It may still be a bummer, but it will be clearer and better, later, after the dust settles.

 

November 3, 2009

My friend and client Kathryn is moving from San Francisco today, back to Washington DC where she is from. She came to see me twenty years ago, the second person I saw after placing an advertisement in a local magazine. The first person I saw was later remanded into custody and institutionalized. After that, I wasn't so sure I wanted to work with the public, but Kathryn had already made an appointment so I went ahead with it.

To this day, I am glad I did.

After a few sessions she started inviting me out to events and gatherings, and I went. Our friendship blossomed and grew, and we have weathered many unhappy times and events, and many good and glorious ones as well. I've heard it said that most of us have very few friends, less than a handful, and I know for me that this is true. I continue to reach out to people I know, in hope that we can become better acquainted, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. The right thing always happens...

We, Joe and I, will be taking K'coise to the airport later this morning, and seeing her off on the next part of her life's journey. Her parents did a good job raising a loving and honest person, one who we look forward to visiting. Having lived outside of DC, in Coral Hills, Maryland, for a brief time years ago, I look forward to seeing the changes that the years have brought to the District, and hope that Kathryn settles in well and comfortably.

I will miss our times together, when we would meet for breakfast and talk for a couple of hours. But we still have all the modern means of communication and contact, and goodness knows we'll make use of them.

Durable friendship is a blessing. May you and I always be so blessed!

 

November 2, 2009

Happy Day of the Dead! Happy All Souls Day!

This past year has been a rough one here on 17th Street in San Francisco. Death came to the house, twice.

Physical death is one of the most challenging aspects of being physical. To see a body without its animating force is shocking. The changes that take place to a physical body upon death are shocking. Death is shocking. And leaves a jangle of emotions in its wake, changing forever the moment of death from all the moments that come thereafter.

Death leaves us with memories of the individual during the lifetime that we have shared, and it is in those memories we can find comfort and peace. I know from the very many deaths that have touched my life that death is real and impactful, and I also know that death is not the end of life, that the soul lives on, and on, and that this life time that we are sharing is just one of many slices of time and that there have been lives each of us lived before this life, and that there will be a life after this one.

Love, true love, never dies. 

Tonight, around 7PM or so , there will be a march through the streets of San Francisco, in honor of the dead. People will show up with candles and photos and memories of those that have been claimed by death this year. It is a very touching ceremony, and has helped many folks with their grieving. The loss that death gives us is undeniable, and this simple act has a way of integrating us emotionally. There have been years when I have remembered someone who died years before, and have honored them then. The memories that people leave with us are things we can be sure of, and the good memories are to be cherished. The negative ones are best dealt with through displacement, purging one of the pent up anger and sadness one still feels. Only love is worthy of remembering.

 

November 1, 2009

The remains of Halloween are strewn in my backyard...what a mess. My neighbors on the diagonal in back had a big BIG party last night. It started about 8PM with a DJ and a hanging 2 foot disco ball spinning in their backyard reflecting hundreds of light flashes. What fun!

At 3AM this morning the disco music was louder than ever, and the people at the party had to shout to be heard. I went over and tried to find the owner but was unable to. The party went on until nearly 4AM when the Police showed up and the music suddenly quit and the crowd dispersed, throwing bottles into surrounding yards, along with bongs and other junk.

What fun! not!

I enjoy a good time as much as the next person, but there are limits. My next door neighbor this morning came over and asked me if the party behind his house disturbed me as it had him, and he had called the Cops twice and was delighted when things calmed down. He complained that the house owner is a bit of a jerk and has angered him by tossing stuff into his backyard on occasion. I sympathized as stuff has been tossed into my yard as well, and it's a mess to clean up and sometimes has broken plants. Like it did last night / this morning.

When I walked by my diagonal neighbors house this morning on my daily walk, I noticed that there were dozens of booze bottles scattered in front of and near his house, and passed a man picking bottles up and heard him mutter 'what a mess'. Unfortunately I concur.

It appears that we do not have a good neighbor on our block. Only time will tell what happens next. I've had some wild neighbors...

Years ago, I lived next to a family of thieves. They stole from anyone and anything. I was warned by a neighbor who caught two children in her house and argued with the parents when she went to talk with them. Later I caught the husband in my house and chased him out, only to discover a radio missing. Eventually the husband was arrested robbing a bank and the wife fled, leaving 5 kids, ages 20, 18, 17, 6 and 5. The older ones got jobs and then their mother returned, only to be arrested for Medicare fraud and other crimes and put in prison, as was her husband. The last I heard the kids were making a go of it and doing OK. What a wild life those kids had.

Today is All Saints Day, a day of prayer and intention for me. I'll be adding my neighbor in my prayers. Along with all of you. Have a lovely day!

 

October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween! Between Summer and Winter, the 'ween in the middle.

This is an old holiday for human-kind. Many cultures celebrate at this time of year, some celebrate life, some death, some child-birth.

Up until a couple of years ago, Halloween in my neighborhood was growing numbers of people, peaking at about 500,000 persons when all the trouble began. Shootings one year, stabbings the next, and that was it: San Francisco put the ki-bosh on Halloween. No more pedestrians taking over the streets, no more road closures, no more crowds. Dismal.

So another Halloween looms. The plan this year is for about half a dozen of us, maybe more, to show up at sometime somewhere and get our Halloween on. I will be dressed as a ghoul, complere with scary make-up, ruined, dirt soiled clothing and my camera. For those candid shots, like when I've come out of the crowd and scared someone, or been scared of someone in the crowd...

and there will be crowds of people, some in costume, some not. What will be fun will be to walk into places this evening and night, however many there are of us, and have a bite or a drink and move on to another place and another bunch of folks, most of whom are not in costume. Fun!

BOO!

Happy Halloween!

 

October 29, 2009

Very funny, today. Reading on the Internet that the planet Saturn has moved into the sign Libra, for the first time in 26 years...relationships are up for examination....so be honest and be true and own your feelings and all will be well, all will be well.

Astrology. Old as time and in today's newspapers.

Funny, that.

'Everything old is new again' was written years ago, nearly 100 years. Time is so absolute and at the same time flexible. The feelings of years ago can burn so brightly as if to be of today, so sharp the pain, so intense the feeling. Unresolved energy from the past is a maor contribution to feeling ill at ease, dis-ease, unwell. Resolving one's past is critical to moving forward, with integrity, in clarity and with love.

Today, what a lovely day here in San Francisco. Blue skies, some clouds, high up, and a strongish sun, not of high Summer, a bit weaker, but bright and strong. Windless on my deck, a great place to sit and read.

Writing involves reading, as I have come to learn. Writing, the act of, is not so easy for me. Chaucer's Grandson hasn't got it as easy as he would wish.

Funny, that.
 

Saturn, so big and bright in the night sky. such a bright light. Sign of relationships, rippling outward and back, all alive and clearer.

Libra, sign of balance, of Justice, of clarity and clear thinking.

Imagine all that energy smushing together, into a melted melded mass, one in which relationships become clear and more 'real', so to speak. That is what is ahead.

The last time this came around, I was in a primary relationship with someone descended from a famous painter of one of my distant ancestors, and he was a shnook.
 

Shnook=dishonest dreamer of dreams.

Wow, did I get spun. To the max, and beyond. The reason this came to be was that I needed to learn the truth of what was behind the pleasing, pretty words, and to learn that the truth is durable, and less is less.

To trust my guts, as it were.

There was a period in the life of C. G. Jung when he allowed himself to 'go off the rails' as it were, to become a bit nuts. To learn his guts. Was it Saturn in Libra.......?

It's the start of the weekend here in San Francisco, and Halloween looms. So many folks in costume here and there, at the shop, at the grocer, on the street. Such fun, a sailor and a Show Girl and a farm=boy and such costumes...and it is only Thursday. Tomorrow morning at the Gym oughta be fun, no?

So 

Happy

It's

Thursday. The first letter of each word spells....merde...isn't it the weekend, yet. C'mon, already.

and that would be Thursday, almost Friday, almost the weekend, the Weekend.

Saturn in Libra, 3 years, at least, of relationship truth being made evident. Not always fun, but so necessary and needed now. Let's strip off that which is only the surface appearance of what is real, and get down to it. Let's see what's real and live with it, as it is. Enough bullshit, let's get to it!

Olly-olly oxen, all come free.....

  

October 28, 2009

memories from my last trip, to London and Edinburgh:

Getting to King's Cross Station in London was easy, just $6 and a ride on the Underground Bakerloo line, 20 minutes or so from my hotel. And what a mad-house the station was, streaming crowds of people coming into London by train, thousands of them, a constant steady stream of bodies and briefcases and purses and luggage, all of them, heading out into the streets or onto the Underground lines. There was a steady supply of trains, as well, ready to whisk one off to all points of the globe, anywhere in England, so it seemed.

Having found Track 9 3/4 (Thank you JK Rowling)  and laughed at myself, I set off to find my train to Edinburgh, which I did easily enough on Track 6. A longish train, maybe 15 cars or so, and rather crowded with lots of folks and luggage. At exactly 9:00am we were off, gliding away almost soundlessly into North London and beyond. Four hours later, having seen the colors of Fall reflected in the trees going north, we pulled into Edinburgh. What a great way to travel.

I've always liked trains, ever since I was a kid, especially when I lived in Mojave, California, in the High Desert part of the state. That's where I first saw lots of trains, even passenger ones. Over the years I've taken trains worldwide, and for the most part have enjoyed the experience. What a great way to see the country, at eye-level, as you move along. Cities show themselves differently to trains than to planes, or cars, a raw-ness one seldom sees. Now there is talk of the Obama Administration and of the President's desire to build up America's rail system. Nearly six and a half million people travel each year by air between Los Angeles and San Francisco, and with security and flight times the journey takes more than three hours. The high speed rail system Califonia is building will take 2 hours 40 minutes to make that same journey. To be sure, it will be awhile before your's truly is writing this blog from that train, but I'll be there, G-d willing, as we move forward in time.

Old ideas, new packaging. A good thing, change.

my other memory from this trip is the first honest to gosh out of nowhere hug from an Englishman! I've been going to England since 1980, and have lived there, even, and I never had someone I had just met, a straight man by the way, hug me saying goodbye. What an amazing chap Nick is. Maybe even stuffy at times Ol' Blighty (England) is changing....

 

October 25, 2009

A quiet so far Sunday morning. The birds in the backyard are asleep somewhere, the crows too. No raccoons or squirrels either. Quiet, with a rising sun an hour or so ago, and a blue sky overhead, the kind of morning when you can do whatever you want, or not, just that kind of a morning.

Last night I dreamed of being in a room somewhere, and there was my dearly departed this year cat Madolyn, looking at me and then walking over, she of the run-way model walk, foot in front of foot in front of foot and so-on. So endearing and then there she was, brushing up against my leg as I was looking up at the model railway setting across the room from us. And then I was petting her, running my hand gently along her spine, and the feel of her rising up, like a little grey stripy wave and her sweet sweet face. Such a feeling of boundless and joyous love.

And then I awoke, and left my bed feeling loving and loved, and sat down here and started typing.

Dreams are powerful and wonderful windows into our minds, our lives, our pasts, our futures. C.G. Jung was fascinated by dreams and read and wrote about them most of his life. There is a trove of data available today as to all manner of issues concerning dreams, and much of it is quite useful. The ones that dismiss dreaming need themselves to be dismissed.

As we near Samhain, the old name for Halloween, we near All Saint's Day and the Day of the Dead, all ritualized days in our calendar. I will be celebrating all three this year, I think. Samhain is my favorite of the 3, as it is such an old observance, dating back to pre-history, and surviving to this day in celebrations the world over the last night of October. This year I heard about how Edinburgh will celebrate it, with men and women carrying lit torches down the Royal Mile, with throngs of people lining the street. New Orleans is expecting 500,000 folks to attend their Halloweeen, as it does fall this year on a Saturday night.

Friends are in town from Munich, and two more of their friends, hopefully to become my friends, arrive soon, and everyone is wanting to join in the festivities. To that end, I am secretly amassing some paraphenalia to make this a Holiday to remember. Vampires are all the rage these days, don't you know, what with TV programs and Movies and more about  'the undead' - so I'm going to make myself up as a ghoulish vampire zombie creature, white and black and green facepaint, liquid blood, comfortable fangs, and take some old clothes and rip them up and grind mud into the fabric, as you do, and offer to help anyone of our group so inclined to join me on Saturday NIght. Making fun of death, acknowledging its reality and substance, and having a fun and funny time, laughing and enjoying a wonder-filled life.  

 

October 21, 2009

In this blog and among my pages at www.heikkie.com I have mentioned the significence that I perceive in numbers. Today is a six if you add up the numbers as shown above, and six is about balance and stability.

Fitting as I woke up feeling the importance of my dream of the other night, not last night, and how in this dream I saw the world glowing and alive. It filled me with love and joy to see our planet thus. Folks have told me, and I have read about, the Garden of Eden. There is truth in those words, as our world is a singular and wonderfilled place.

I have a friend who is always looking on the dark side, on the negative, and expects it more often than not. He has been like this since we met when I was 25 years old, and over the years I have watched his roller coaster approach to life and living, and have given him advice when asked, and I am not unhappy about our relationship, as I accept and love him for who he is more than how he is.

I accept that my power ends at my skin, and that the first skin I must save is my own. How can someone in the water push another into the lifeboat?

Compassion is a much needed emotion at all times. Co-dependence is not a good dance.

Being on the road is always such an adventure. This trip, like so many others, reminded me to be gracious and tolerant. That is to say, I met many an a**h#^e along the way, and at each and every encounter I was pleasant but not a sucker, and didn't fall for their games and stuff. My favorite was the guy who pan-handled me, a beggar, at the International Terminal in Chicago. I passed, but the next guy went off on him, and started talking loud. 'How the hell did you get here if you don't have any money?' and 'Are you kidding me?' This of course drew stares and laughter from some, and numb shock from others. The guy just melted into the crowd and disappeared.

Everybody gets to choose here, and the choice we make speaks of our soul, of our inner core, of who we are to ourselves, and how we see our world.

Recent discoveries have introduced Ardi, a 4.4 million year old human. She walked up-right and was a proto-human. It isn't hard for me to imagine her there in Africa, among the trees and bushes of her home, with family and friends and a life she loved. I hope she was happy.

  

October 19, 2009

not wanting to be a slave to this blog, I saved my writings until now, when I could, in the bleary light of a West Coast dawn, post them. Enjoy!

          October 11, 2009

          well, that was nice, First Class here to Dallas...and no upgrade so 8 hours 2 minutes in Coach it is. Tant pis, as the French say. Such

          an interesting idiom, with so many possible meanings...oh well, here goes...

          In flight, packed to the rafters, luggage and people everywhere. My seat mates in this row are a German woman and her African-             

          American boyfriend, and they are the only others in this 5 person row. And it has a couple of more inches of leg room so all in all, not so

          bad, after all. Here comes food and drink and sleep (fingers crossed).

   

          October 12, 2009

          Here I am, in my rather nice room at the Charing Cross Hotel, provided by my Corporate Client. Waiting for his call. And here it is. Later!

          Hello Later. Back at hotel for a quick nap while there is a break in work day. What a great city London is. Now that I know that I have

          ancestors from London, one dating back to the early 1300's, I think/trust that the connection I feel with is city is genuine. I love it here.

         

          October 13, 2009

          Worn out like an old pair of shoes, that's how I feel. Long, long day so far, and out with friends in London, who I'll be staying with later

          this week, Doctor and Judge, nice guys. Off for a night of comedy, and then up early again tomorrow and off to King's Cross Station and

          a train ride to Edinburgh. I know this may seem extravagent, silly, whatever, but Robert Burns was born 250 years ago this year, and he

          is part of the heart of Scotland, and I am part Scottish, on my Mom's side, as her Mom was a Cunningham, a low-land Clan with a bright

          red tartan. This is a Homecoming year for Scots the world over to return to the land, and I am going, just for one night. I have never taken

          a train to Edinburgh, and I hear that the food on board is good, the tea poor, and the sights one of a kind.

          As I am working on writing, I wanted to feel the energy of someone who is a current Writer of Note, and chose J. K. Rowling as my

          Mentor for this trip, and she finished her last Harry Potter book at the Balmoral Hotel (www.roccofortecollection.com) so I am staying

          there, just for a night. Here's hoping for magic!

         

          October, 14, 2009

          Free wi-fi on the train-wow.

          Well, I got magiced! It was the best thing ever, this little jaunt to Auld Reekie, as Edinburgh is called. It was a place of terrible pollution,

          as can be seen by the damaged stone in the Old Edinburgh Cemetary near Prince's Street, currently all torn up as the city is putting in a

          Light Rail system ready in 2011. What a wonderful town, divided in half where Waverly Station is, the upper part called Old Town with 

          Edinburgh Castle and Holyrood Palace, the lower called New Town and 1800 Century forward. My hotel was wonderful, a big room with 

          all the works, and a big black and white marble bathroom with a heated floor. After being escorted to my room and installed, I was out 

          the door and off to the Castle, then a stroll down the Royal Mile, stopping at the Witchery Restaurant (www.witcheryrestaurant.com) to 

          make a reservation for dinner, then on to the Palace and a tour. That was quite an experience, as I had taken certain stones with me 

          to help me feel the times before, and Wow! did it work. I could grab them in their pouch and squint and see people dressed in clothes

          they wore hundreds of years ago. It was quite a rich experience. I now understand something about time, and that is that once created,

          it remains forever, and can be accessed. It's like stepping into a movie and being able to watch and not participate, nor change the 

          past. What has happened is eternal. What has not happened is our choice, our karma, our fate.

          The next three nights will be spent in London, care-free and unfettered. Wish me luck! 

and I got my wish, and London was blue skys and warm-ish and wonderful. The British Library, the British Museum, Canary Wharf, Southwark, Oxford Street, Regent Street, Westminster, Trafalgar Square, Pimlico, and more. I was one busy fellah, let me tell you. I was up and out early each day, sort of, and walked and walked and walked. It was the Doctor and me for two nights, and the three of us the last night, and what a night that was. A friend of theirs named Lucy has arranged invitations for us to attend a Wine Club tasting party, with about 150 different vinters present. There was not one wine from California, nor one from Britian, but some of the wines on offer were wonderful. A couple were terrible, absolutely awful, but that's what makes for a wine club. We ate afterwards, and I got to my bed after 11PM, and up early the next morning, Sunday, to make my way to Heathrow and thank my star's and garters an upgrade to Business and a nice meal and lovely sleep and more food and drink and Chicago and a longish 4 hour flight to San Francisco and a taxi and home and my bed, my real bed, and a sweet little white kitty named Edy and sleep, blessed sleep.

There is much to reflect on about this trip, which I will share with you in the days to come. The one big 'take-away' I got from this trip is the sacredness of life, of being alive. Death is temporaly permanent and brings to an end the evolution of the soul in a specific lifetime, but the soul lives on, and into another life, another opportunity to be, to do, to feel. Life is blessed, as are all of us.

 

October 11, 2009

oooo, it is so early and here I am, up and somewhat about, moving slowly. Today will be a longish day as I am flying to London via Dallas, on American Airlines (www.aa.com) as usual. Luckily I have been upgraded to First Class on the first leg to Dallas, which is going to make the first flight very comfortable. Finger's crossed for the second and longer flight, although I did snag an exit row just in case I am in Coach.

Being more than six feet tall makes air travel a bit challenging, as I do not always fit so well in Coach. I remember one flight, actually 3 flights on one airplane, from Los Angeles to Honolulu to Biak to Jakarta, Indonesia. The air carrier was Garuda and the seats were spaced so close together my knees touched the seat back in front of me. Not fun, especially for 18 hours...

Over the years, I've learned how to maximize comfort on planes, and today travel fairly comfortably. This flight to Dallas will be very comfortable, with lots of room and ease, knock wood.

And this will be a fast trip, as I am in London for two nights, then up to Edinburgh, Scotland for one night, then back to London for three more nights before heading home. Having time at the British Library will be a rare treat for me as I work on my next book. Seeing friends there will also be delightful, and the weather forecast is for sunshine everyday...can you believe it? I am still taking raingear just in case.

Better get myself moving, pack and grab a taxi. Have a great Sunday!

 

October 7, 2009

Hello Idaho!

This day and age we live in is amazing.

Technology continues its relentless advance, and we all benefit from this march, and the future holds so much promise.

I remember the first time I got a computer, sort of, it was an Atari video game. Plugging it into my TV turned my world up side down and up. I found myself intrigued with what technology  could do, and began to work and concentrate more on the future, and how we as tool-makers could change our world.

Today I work in assisting companies in how to bring a beneficial future into being. There are many good ideas out there, and more ideas are needed, everyday. I knew a woman who came up with a good idea once, and showed it to many people, but nothing came of it. When she shared it with me, I gave her an idea which she followed up on, and in time she was paid ten's of thousands of dollars for her idea. What I contributed was not magic or any such lofty thing, just clarity of intention.

Life has a way of dazzling us, of presenting so much so soon so all the time so fast that we can feel out of balance, out of luck, out of time.

It is then that one's core, expressed as a central feeling/thought comes into play, and the result is as it is, based on intention, on what one want's to have happen, based on time and energy.

In short, have a plan that will work for you, then work your plan.

Easy-peasy, as the English say. Effort and intention, combined with focus, and Bob's your Uncle. It all works out perfectly.

Trust and love and go forward.

 

October 2, 2009

Happy October!

Even though it is no longer the eighth month (octo=eight), this month is filled with celebration and festivals and planting and harvesting.

One of the facets that always catches my eye in this month is the quality of the light, how the color and intensity changes dramatically at this time of year, just as it does in April, half a year away. I first noticed this phenomenon when I was a kid of about 10 years old. Looking up one morning, on my way to school in Eagle Rock, California, a suburb of Los Angeles. As opposed to the bright light of Summer, it looked to me that the light intensity had softened, and that the color of the light was a touch more yellow, warm and comforting. This felt in accordance with the waining warmth of Autumn, and the shortening of the daylight each day. 

So many reasons to get out and about, and yesterday was the last home game of the San Francisco Giants, the city's baseball team. Cousin Jess, a big fan, was amazed to learn that I had not been to the ball park here, and offered to treat us to tickets.  Now, let me disclaim that I am not what one would call a big baseball fan, in point of fact. When I was in school I didn't like to play sports that involved visual acuity as my eyesight is poor and I wore glasses. But like all kids, I had to play. This is until Max, my step-Brother, was killed in a freak accident  during a baseball game. After that, I refused to play baseball and stopped watching it altogether. That was 47 years ago.

Recently, working with www.ancestry.com, I came across Max's file, and my mind was flooded with memories of him, of his smile and laugh, and how he loved baseball. I hadn't thought of him in years and years, and that night, to my surprise, I drempt of Max. He and I were kids, sitting on a wooden bench, watching older kids playing, you guessed it, baseball. He turned to me and smiled and laughed and then faded away. The next day, Jess called and offered us tickets to the game. Serendipity, to be sure.

Max would have loved AT&T Park, the setting, the comfortable seating, the amazing variety of foods and drinks on offer. What a great time I had, and the game was exciting and lo and behold, the Giants won! As I was leaving, I saw a young boy of about 8 or so, the age Max was when he died. Wearing his Giants baseball cap and excitedly talking with his Mom, he reminded me so very much of dear Max, and I knew that even though he is gone on, his spirit lives today among us. I stopped and bought myself a Giants baseball cap in his honor.

It's the little things that count so much.

 

September 27, 2009

What a busy week last week was. A cousin of mine and 4 of her friends from 'Uni' in England came to stay with us, and the house was full of 20 somethings. Listening to their conversations, I learned so much. The biggest thing I learned is that we all have similiar experiences in our 20's, as we grow older, and feelings and actions are not always equal. It was quite re-assuring, actually, to hear that their 20's were much like mine, and that listening to them helped them to feel more adjusted and self confident. Self esteem and self love are very important to all of us.

On another front, the research into my family has yielded a very large bombshell: My Grandfather on my Dad's side remarried and maybe...maybe? MAYBE had a second family with children. That would mean that I have Aunt's and Uncles's unknown to me....I am still 'sitting' with this information and as surprised as I feel, somehow part of me feels relieved, as if the fresh air and sunlight of today is cleaning and healing all the lies and shames and guilts of the past. And as it turns out, Sarah Replogle is not my Great Grandmother. More research uncovered the maiden name of 'Edmunds' for her. Back to my digging for roots. 54,000 and counting...

In about two weeks I leave for London and a quick business program and then research at the British Library. Working on my current book, no title yet, and it feels like I am about to get some very important data that will help me to complete this book in the not-too-distant future, hopefully. Research is very important for this effort, and the reading that I have done so far has been very helpful. This brief time in London should allow me to get what I need and get on with it.

And today is Sunday, a day of rest for me. I'll be going to a friend's 75th Birthday Party later today, and helping a friend donate stuff to charity as she prepares to move to Washington, DC. Yard work on my personal oasis is planned, as is another visit from my house painter, Kirk, as we freshen up downstairs for yet another round of house guests next weekend, friends from Oxford, England we met in Rome, Italy.

Here's to your day, and let's all have a good one!

 

September 22, 2009

First Day of Autumn

First Day of Spring

It all depends on where you live. For those of us above the equator, here comes Fall, today at 2:19PM in San Francisco, to be exact. Those of us below the equator will celebrate the first day of Spring. Isn't this an amazing planet?

When you consider that we are hurling through space at more than two thousand miles per hour...and what we notice about this fact is called 'wind'...

When the automobile was invented, some said that speeds above 25 miles per hour would crush the chest and kill. And the car caught on, still.

We have so much to learn about this spinning globe. Just last night on television, I heard that we as a planet are making great strides in reducing 'greenhouse gases' and have lower our output about 30% in the last year. Fantastic.

Our larger brain size is designed so that we can do more with our abilities, our knowledge, our power to learn and remember, to think, to associate, to realize, to become.

That's what's in the title 'human being', as opposed to 'human been'. We can see the latter in museums the globe over, our distant ancestors, the proto-humans that we evolved from. Don't be a Luddite and think less than wisdom and common sense dictate. We all evolve, over time. We all change, that is the nature of life.

The one clear gift, as I understand it, that life gives us is time. Time to be, to do, to become, to produce. What ever one chooses.

Welcome to today! Happy First Day of the Future!

 

September 19, 2009

And now one of the best  'snail mail' s ever....photocopies of photographs of...my Mom, Eleanor Virginia, as a young woman, Marcel-wave in her hair, and maybe earlier, in her early 20s...what a looker...yeowzah!

Digging up these connections of mine is giving me unexpected gifts that I never imagined...and I suspect that it has so very much to do with the power of intention.

I have no agenda in discovering my family roots, I am just curious as to what can be learned about those that helped get me here in this body.

Genetics, if you will.

The body plays such a large part of our existance here, don't you agree, and learning what made up one's body, i.e., one's parents, can be very instructional.

Both of my parents were drunks. Knowing this allows me to choose the proper amount of alcohol for me.

Knowing about my parents lives and how their lives turned out and the make-up of their lives (did they think they were loved? , were they happy often?, those kind of questions) has allowed me to make choices for myself that empower me, in a balanced and loving manner, to go forward in life and 'take it as it comes', trusting that the right thing always happens.

I fully acknowledge that my power ends at my skin.

The rest is up to me. I get to choose. I must remember to choose from love. Love is what made and sustains me.

Thank you, Eleanor, for all you have given and continue to give me. Love never dies.

 

September 16, 2009

I just got the best image sent to me by a cell-phone, ever.

This week, it is Fashion Week in New York City, and I've followed fashion ever since I was a model try-out for Jeans West, back in the day, as they say. Clothing can be fun and funny and lots of stuff, some not so nice. A woman I work with who is a 'biggie' in the 'rag trade', as the clothing business is called, suggested a while back that I make up a T-shirt that folks could wear and enjoy. So I sat down and meditated and ruminated and cogitated and came up with a shirt design. Long story short, it is a product on this website.

There have been lots of sales of the T-shirt as I'm involved in every order. And we've sent them all over the world, and it's been a good deal of fun work.

This morning, an image of a young girl in one of my T's next to 2 beautiful and beautifully dressed models was sent to me. From the message that accompanied the photo I learned that Daughter insisted on wearing her T-shirt when she went with Mom to backstage at a show so Mom could work, and Daughter became the hit of backstage, for her charm and happiness and being such a good example of what the T-shirt says...LIFE Love Intention Focus Effort.

Sure put a smile on my mug, and makes me glad that I can contribute.

 

September 15, 2009

'I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.'

Happy Birthday, Agatha Christie! 1890 was made better by your arrival!

 

September 14, 2009

from the Desiderata: With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Sounds like good advice for me, and I'm taking it.

Someone once asked me when I was a child of about 8 why I was cheerful. I told her that I had read in a book that it took more muscles to frown than to smile, which I perceived as a clear indication from evolution that we humans are positively charged. I remember her delight in my reply, and she told my Mother I was a 'clever little fellow'.

I am still, I hope, a clever fellow, even though I am now more than six feet tall in bare feet. Clever is good, and if combined with cheerful the results should be good as well. Only time will tell.

And about time, yesterday was an interesting time for yours truly. A corporate client and I had been discussing a meeting in London for sometime this Autumn, and yesterday we spoke and hammered out the details, somewhat, of this trip, now scheduled for October 11 through October 18. Hopefully the weather will not be too rainy or cold, touch wood, and I am confident our meetings will be productive in many ways.

The interesting thing for me was that I was hoping to spend some time in London this year, and maybe Scotland, and had been open to the idea all throughout this year, and suddenly the opportunity appeared. And all I have to do is work a few days, which I am going to do probably for the rest of my life, anyway.

Such a gift is time, our life times, an excellent reason to be happy.

 

September 12, 2009

52,217

People in my family tree....and the hits just keep on coming!

The stuff you can learn when you ask questions. Absolutely amazing. Like finding out that my Dad's Dad remarried a woman named Helen...or finding, maybe, the Grandmother of my Mother on her Dad's side. The information that there is another marriage that I didn't know about is so old news, what with every adult in my family having multiple marriages, and the Step-Kids are legion, almost. Just on the surface it appears that my family, bless them, were into sex, money, booze and poverty. How's that for a heady mix?

The stories of my Mom's drunken behavior are numerous, and funny and sad all at once. Hearing stories, new to me, of her antics, and those of my Dad, and his Mother, and others, has elicited something from me that heals these wounds - compassion.

I feel such compassion for those folks, for my Mom. Older and wiser myself now, I can understand the emotional context of their lives, and have learned more of their history as I have learned of my own, shared as it is.

When I first got my DNA results (www.familytreedna.com) I was dumb-stuck to see Hispanic as such a notable percentage. Now I know some of the background stories and wonder as to the paternity of my Mom's Dad, was he the bastard son of a local in the Arizona Territory in 1895? Did his Mom, the Preacher's Wife, sleep with a Mexican descendent? Sure looks like it to me, from what my DNA results tell me.

And just the barest thread about his parents that I got from talking with my elderly Aunt and Uncle in L.A. led me to a woman named Sarah Repogle born in 'Indian County' in Pennsylvania. Except there is no Indian County, there is an Indiana County, however, and a search of the records available from Ancestry.com (www.ancestry.com) led me to the files for a Sarah Repogle and her kith and kin going back a couple of hundred years, most branches trailing off to no further connection. But at least, maybe, I have found one of my Great Grandmothers that I've been looking for for more than 30 years...and the search continues!

And Hello! to Pakistan, the area around Karachi. I was in Karachi, twice. What a huge city! And growing, everyday. Peace be with you, and all of us.

 

September 9, 2009

Whew!!!!! That was fun!!!!!!

Having these house-guests was such a blast. Kathy is living with cancer and living, really living. She is pragmatic and says that each day is a new day, and does what she can with the energy she has in the day. She's giving herself  "chemo" shots and they drag energy out of her, and she needs to rest. "Chemo brain" is another part of it, fuzzy thinking and the like.

My hero!

People who live with adversity, with the struggle of life, are heros for us all.

And my hero had a great time here in the City, eating and shopping and looking and enjoying the lovely weather and family. She loves it here in San Francisco.

Having house-guests was a boon for me as I had to deal with my stuff. Have you ever noticed how stuff accumulates? How a small pile gets to be a bigger pile, and starts to appear in other rooms and before you know it, there's stuff everywhere?

I knew a woman in London who lived in an elegant circle of homes. After months of talking in the park near our houses she invited me into her home. It was filled with furniture, pictures, objects, boxes, stuff. She told me she had had a lovely home and then her parents died and she took in all of their furniture and then her Aunt died and she got all of her stuff, and before she knew it, her house was crammed with stuff. It was a sight to see.

It took her almost two years, but she got rid of the clutter, selling what had value, and tossing the rest save for the momentos she wanted. Her house became a home again, and her children began to visit again, and her husband stopped working abroad and came home as well.

Do you own your stuff or does it own you? That is the important question. If the former, no worries, if the latter--

Fall cleaning, anyone?

That's what I'll be doing this week, as I do twice a year, Spring and Fall, sort through the stuff that has accumulated here and play 'catch and release' with material goods. By actively doing this effort, I manage my home so that I like it, and by not letting stuff pile up, I am not upset or up-tight about how my house looks, to me and others. I remember reading years ago that healthy animals keep neat nests. My turn is up and my work awaits.

 

September 5, 2009

Visitors! Kathy and Shane and Maddie and Zack, here from Kansas City arrived yesterday morningish, and off to Joe's bakery and a great big buttery yummy welcome to San Francisco!

Going with them to Europe last year was such a bonding experience, and we have become very close. Family, in-law, as it were.

The Bay Bridge is closed to all traffic this weekend, and will open on Tuesday @ 5 A.M., and the flow here in the City is a bit slower, so it seems, this weekend. And right after a very warm/hot spell, it is now returning to high foggy mornings and sunny afternoons, and the plants in the yard are in bloom and the living is easy, fish are jumping...

There were photographs I saw last week, in LA, of people I knew but never like the image in the photo. Shocking, to see a picture of my Grandmother Bonnie, as a young woman in her 20's, smiling and dressed quite nicely, gloves and hat. I remember her in in these dresses she made herself, always the same pattern, just with a small change from time to time, and always a bit dowdy, and never, ever smiling, ever.

Turns out her oldest Brother, Frank, was quite the developer in Hollywood in 1915 or so, and made a great deal of money and subsidized his relatives until his death in 1957. Now I understand why she was so upset about his death, and made a big deal out of it, all the time. And belittled the accomplishments of her children, and was a pretty bitter pill to swallow.

Lives make sense, in a fashion, once you get enough information and perspective to understand how human we all are.

Compassion, that's what's required. Not judgement.

It can take a good deal of grappling and wrestling with, but one can come to terms with ones emotions, and not be repressed, depressed, or obsessed.

Displacement = act it out. Don't go all crazy-ass and do stupid stuff, but get it out of your system.

Yelling into pillows helps.

Driving nails in wood helps.

Throwing stones at the water helps.

Whatever you do, get the negative and ugly and mean and hurt out by physical expression, by action.

You'll feel better, and the more you do it, the better you will feel.

And in these waning days of a lazy Summer, here in a city dancing with fog, feeling the sun and the smell of salty air and a wind that's come half way around the world to greet me...good times.

Good times to you and all you do!

 

September 3, 2009

Back to work now for two days thus far. The fire in LA still rages. There is no answer at Ethel's home phone, and my prayers are with her.

It seems as if the heat of LA has come to SF, because the temperature is quite warm, less humid today than yesterday, but still almost hot. Much like LA was, as it was 100F when I was there. I don't think I'm cut out for climate that is above 80F. Being in Cambodia taught me that there is a limit to which my body will function.

My trip to the Southland revealed connections I had dimly heard of, and some surprises. My Father's Mother used to talk about Samuel Clemens aka Mark Twain visiting members of the family, and now I know why: marriage.

And marriage also accounts for connections to Aaron Burr, John Hamilton, and a host of others. So many men, and women, who carved out a life here in America, some going back to the Mayflower in 1620. Lives of walking across country, Pennsylvania to Oregon to California, in Conestoga wagons, losing children and loved ones along the way. And sometimes their lives. So many new people in the tree, I am a bit overwhelmed with all the material I was given on this trip. More than 600 years of living were the resources I drew upon, folks in their 90's, and the stories I heard...

one in particular cracked me up. A cousin who was raised well, in a town, but aspired to greater heights, and moved to Chicago and fortune and looked down her nose at kith and kin, her family, snubbing them repeatedly. Then her shady boyfriend wound up dead in a garage with a machine gun and she was taken in by the same family she had snubbed...and she took off again a couple of years later, again, and was up and mean spirited and snobby and yet again, boyfriend arrested and sent to prison, back home with her Mom, again. She'd learned something, because she got a job in a retail store in town and did well and got promoted and married the owner's Nephew, and had a bunch of kids, 6 I think. Her death notice, published with a handsome photo, showed a younger version of her, and told of her good deeds and how she had been a good woman, wife, mother, sister and friend. No mention of her less than noble efforts was made. But the family knows the story, and keeps it private, and does not write about it, to protect her children and their children and their children.

Lots of stories, and life lessons to take in, knowing as I do that we share family, and in some cases, blood. Is blood thicker than water? Depends.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Each person is different. The best one can do is to learn from each interaction with others, and learn the truth. Not of who one is, but of who the other is. People will reveal the truth of themselves if you allow them this, by not reacting and jumping into your feelings, but instead observing the other, and learning why they are as they are, and then listening to your heart and determining how close to have them in your life.

Not all family members are connected by blood, and they are important in ones journey here on Earth.

Back to work!

 

Sepember 1, 2009

Leaving Glenn + Barb's home last night, as I drove slightly downhill, I pulled over and looked behind me.

There were pockets of glowing red orange in the distance, on the hills. Haze so thick it was around me. Ash fell around me. I was dumb-struck.

This morning, as I sit here at the hotel, writing this down, I look out my window to see a grey sky, and drops of rain on the ground, very few drops. Hooray! Maybe Mother Nature and G-d and all that is is giving LA a break.

Driving to LAX, there is traffic as it is 'rush-hour', when almost no one rushes as there are too many cars, and we all creep along at 15-20 MPH and it's a drive from Burbank to El Seguendo. Thankfully there is radio. Silly radio, smart radio, Vietnamese and Latino and Left and Right and Pop music, Classical, quite a spectrum. "Let's all drive with our car head lights on this Friday to support Firefighters" this one station kept repeating. The fires are the talk of the town. Two Firefighters have died. Many, many homes have been lost, to a spate of fires in the Los Angeles Basin. Very sad.

Drop car, catch shuttle, and American Airlines (www.aa.com) and a few seconds at the kiosk and away I go, upstairs and through security which ran smoothly, and at the gate, typing all this down. Boarding....later....

...later, home, great flight, but as we lifted out of the airport I looked out to see this huge light grey cloud, the base of which was obscured by haze and clouds. A frightening sight, and my heart and best wishes and prayers are with those in LA in danger of this terrible fire that doubled in size in one night. 93 miles, the number being mentioned, of burned land. Horrible.

I spend the afternoon reading up on what Glenn gave my about his family, the Reynolds. Fascinating data, and so detailed. What a great guy.

I have wanted family. Now I'm getting them, and I think they are getting me. Love is glue. Must keep spreading it around, it is doing good.

 

August 31, 2009

Surreal.

That's the only word that fits to describe today.

up early and off to my almost 92 year old Cousin, not sure how many numbers, Ethel. The cousin to my Grandmother, Bonnie. And the Harper chin, jaw, and ears are there, and she and I laugh and get along so very, very well. I remark a couple of times how much I enjoy her company, and what a nice woman she feels to be. She tells me that she, too, feels a kinship, and it is a fine time.

Until she and I hear a sound outside, someone speaking loudly, through a bull-horn, and we get up, and go outside, just as a Los Angeles Police car drives by, the officer inside telling us to evacuate.

Gulp!

She and I start packing up photo albums and some clothes, and then we hug and off I go, through Police and Fire lines, and the hills are ablaze and people are frantic, driving crazily and running down the streets, and it is a mess.....

after what seems like hours, I am away and on a freeway, heading who knows where. Just as I am coming to Universal City do I realize where I am, and that I've missed my exit miles back. I pull off the freeway and have a good cry.

Feeling much the better, off my my lovely hotel, the Amarano (www.hotelamarano.com). This place is heaven, what a find. Changing my clothes after showering, feeling so much better, off to Glenn and Barb's. What a great afternoon and evening, hours of conversation and stories and sharing details of one's life, what a great time we had. I hated to leave, but 10PM was my witching hour.

 

August 30, 2009

so, after a work morning, off to SFO and a quick and pleasant flight on American Airlines  (www.aa.com) into Los Angeles, the county of my birth. The first thing that grabs my mind is --- where did I get from, from here? Who is family? Who can I relate to? Who can I trust?

Trust.

Such an issue, to be sure.

It is not always clear, the path before one, and that is when and where one must take ownership of oneself, and boldly declare: Yep, that's me!

So, after getting my rental car, off to my Cousin Terry's home, and what a maze of freeways L.A. is...dodging and weaving and slowing down and speeding up and about an hour later at Terry's home, up in the hills and overlooking Disneyland and the fireworks and the beauty that is for us to see. What an evening...Terry and Carole, my Cousins from my Aunt Doris, such lovely women, and married to very nice guys, and lovely kids, from the looks of the photos and faces.

after at least 34 years, there we were, together again....has it been that long?

Married and children and grandkids and where did the years go......?

Such strangers, these lovely folks, nice people, not too anything or the other, but friendly. And funny, and welcoming. I can only imagine the difference between us, what with me being gay and all that that implies, heavens forbid, you go girl! and the conversations after....ah, to be a fly on the wall...

trust.

that's when that thought kicks in. Not feeling, as that can be the terrain of the past, the feelings from so very long ago. And then it is up to me to dispense with my fear and my negative feelings, as they erupt. Going for a walk and cursing my Grandmother Bonnie for being such a mess. And Grandpa Earl, for not enough love shown.

And that is where my heart came in, and I saw them, not as objects- not that, but as family, folks with whom I share the struggle of life, in all its richness and complexity, and I celebrate our differences as I perceive them, and love.

What a weekend!

and it continues...after a nights sleep.zzzzzz.... up!

and then off to my Mother's Brother, my Uncle, Ed.........95 years old, G-d love him, and such a nice man. And his wife of 70---can u imagine? seventy years, Leota nee Belin, such a sweet sweetie. She fixed us lunch and we sat there, at the small table backed by the couch, and talked. And talked,,,,,,,,and talked.

What one can learn in an afternoon....

My Grandfather, Earl, was a complex man. He came out West with his young Wife, Edith, in the late Twenties, and found work with Tom Mix.( www.okhistory.org), a fellow who lived in his neighborhood, Edendale, in Los Angeles. Being in the spot-light up-ended him, and he fell in bad habits, i.e., too much drink, and he left his wife and kids and later got divorced and settled on a turkey farm, near Barstow, CA.

Never knew that story.... Tom Mix, wow.

Starstruck! What non-sense that is. But we all must evolve and grow. I can imagine his struggle, out of his humble birth, and the allure of the lights and the glitz and the whatchamacallit, but it is- what it is. Once must own up to who and how and what one has been. I don't know that he ever did, but he taught me well. To love, to smile first, to relax. Such great lessons. Not because he was these things, quite the contrary.

He was pinched and dry and questing, not happy, but living out his life, doing what he wanted, but not as richly as he dreamed, not in that cinder-block house there in the high desert of California. And so much more...

and then on my Uncle-in-law, Glenn, and his wife, Barb, and what a lovely couple they are. Such love, for all to see. Very, very touching.

and the stories of family, and all about Glenn's family, the Reynolds, and all the way back, story after story, with names and dates and history, the very struggle to be Americans...

such wonder, how his memory held so much, all of it preserved in their study, binder after binder of the work he had done, to learn of the history of his family. And wonderful, funny, touching stories. Of lives well spent, robly, doing good and better. Late into the night....

driving to their home, in Shadow Hills, in Los Angeles, where fires are raging in the Angeles National Forest north of town, the smoke was quite thick, obscuring more than 4 thousand feet in the distance. Very weird. They don't seem concerned, and both say they are breathing well and OK, but it is weird....and then I leave, and as I drive away, I stop and look back after a couple of mies, and the hills behind their house is on fire, an angry red and orange and yellow line on the hillside.....and not so far away, it seems.

And now it sooooooo late, must to bed.....wow what a day, and it is just mid- afternoon.......

 And then up, and off to meet up with my High-School sweetheart, Denise, and her husband of 20 years, John. What a great time we had, especially as they are into wine and brought a couple of bottles to dinner and yummy, yummy wine and great conversation and such a feeling of being welcome and at ease and having a good time, after a couple of decades....friendship never dies.

 

August 28, 2009

Hello, Cameroon! Thanks for checking me out! Blessings to you and Mother Africa! and all the best!

50,000

That is a whole lot of folks, quite a crowd, enough to fill a good sized stadium.

That's how many people are in my family tree as of this moment, here on a Friday evening, and I am amazed.

Some of the lives that I have learned about have been the stuff of legend, like the guy to ran out onto the battlefield to get his commanding Officer during WWI, and was shot and died 10 years later of his wounds.

Or the woman, Sally Ballard by name, who gave birth to 17 children, and died with faith in her Lord and surrounded by loved ones, lots and lots of loved ones, nearly 55 people in all.

Such lives, and I am but a small part of this great big tree, more like a ball with fringes when I think of it. and there are more than 5500 names that www.ancestry.com says I should check out...oy gavalt!....

so, tomorrow, I'm off to LAX, short-hand for Los Angeles, and a meeting with my cousins Terry and Carole, who I've not seen since about 1964 or so....did I mention that we are a far-apart bunch?... well, we clearly are. More about this later.

And then on to my sweet 95 year old Uncle, to learn about my Mom's Dad....oh, oh, oh,,,,,,,the stories they say they told.... can't wait! or wail...

DNA says that I am one-eighth Latino......and I think Grandpa Earl is the missing part of the wood-pile, to so speak...more to follow!

Somebody introduced the Hispanic genes into me, and I have a sneaking suspicion it was good Ol' Earl, whose turkey farm I lived on when I was a little kid...such memories...

anyway, I'll keep you posted, so to write. Wish me luck!

 

August 27, 2009

Today the planet Mars is closer than its been in years and won't be this close for years to come.

Get out tonight and look up and take in the stars and the planets and the symphonic dance above you. It is beautiful. And make a wish, or more...

Happy Mars!

Happy Virgo! (More on this later)

Happy Weekend Windup!

 

August 26, 2009

Ted Kennedy is one with the ages. He will be most missed.

When I taught Elementary School in Watts in Los Angeles, it was because of an early childhood program that Senator Kennedy had championed in the Senate. He was a fighter for education, welfare, and especially health. His passing at this time is a sad one, what with the state of health care in this country.

There's a joke heard round the world, behind the back of most of the butts of the joke, about how full of #$%^ Americans are, saying 'We're # One' and having the worst health care among developed nations on the globe. 'Nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to get sick there' is the joke, and sadly it is true.

The health care issue is a big one, but it must be addressed. All Americans have a stake in this issue and should inform themselves about what is true and what is hype. Educate yourself, don't just listen to the sound bites and read the plackards on TV.

Thank You, Mr. Kennedy, for all the good that you did here on Earth.

 

August 25, 2009

"Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out"

How's that for direction? That's what is rolling here this foggy A.M., it's the wisdom from last nights Chinese food delivery, the knowledge found in Chinese Fortune cookies...

It's little things like that, small and dismissable, that help me to remember to look up and not out, as it were.

Each and every day will bring some bad/sad/mad news, and it is what we do in response, not reaction, that matters. It is all to easy to react to events and people, to get angry and shout and yell and feel the electricity of emotion boil inside us, and to let it out in the instant. The more challenging path lies in responding to events and people, and containing ones self and thinking instead of feeling and exploding. Later, one can displace that energy, usually negative and not at all helpful. Then one is back to balance, in feeling, thinking, and life. 

In some circles they speak of a Cartesian split, the difference between thinking and feeling.

All I know is, if I let my emotions get the better of me, I get the worse of life.

Here's to wisdom, where and how ever it appears!

 

August 23, 2009

Interesting times we live in, with so much change about and in the air and in all of us...

Years ago, in my travel agent days, being a retail venture, I dealt with some pretty shady characters. One was this guy, a real smoothy, very sure of himself, well spoken and mannered, who came in from time to time to buy air tickets. From the moment I met him I knew there would be a lesson in working with him.

Sure enough, after months of business, he comes in one day with a friend, a young woman, who buys a one-way First Class ticket to Kansas City on her credit card. The agent doing the tickets did everything correctly, checked identifications and such, but could not tell that this was a bogus card, made up by this guy, my client, sitting there calmly reading a travel brochure.

It turned out he was in several illegal businesses here in San Francisco, and was about to leave town to avoid arrest. An agent with the Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms division of the FBI came to the travel agency, and interviewed all of us who had seen or worked with him.  He was caught, in Kansas City of all places, about a year later, as I read in the local papers. Sentenced to 14 years in prison, he disappeared.

Until yesterday afternoon. I was downtown in San Francisco, enjoying the late afternoon sunshine and the crowds and the hub-bub around me when I saw him. There he was, walking in Union Square. He looked well, older of course, but still well dressed with good posture. Just then my cellphone rang, and I answered it, a call from a family member about my upcoming trip to Los Angeles next weekend, and just as I finished the call, there he was, in front of me, and as I looked up into his face he said he hoped he wasn't distrubing me, but did I remember him? I invited him to sit, and he did, and I told him that I had seen him as he walked into the Square and how I was glad to see him looking so well.

We sat and talked for half an hour or so, and he told me of prison, and how hard that had been, and how he had started to examine how his internal regulator had gotten so set to the bad and wrong in being and doing and believing. Amazing story, his, and during our talk I could feel inside myself that what he was saying was authentic and honest. What a transformation he has made.

Bad things happen here to us, all of us, from time to time, and it is about what we do with the emotional energetic impact that is important.

If we internalize it, these feelings poison us, slowly, over time, and begin the process of messing with our internal regulator, setting it toward the bad and wrong.

If we externalize it, displace it through action and effort and intention, our anger and hurt are released and our internal regulator turns toward the good and loving.

Easy to say, a life time in the doing. And worth everything in the world.

 

August 21, 2009

Aloha Hawai'i! Mahalo!

There is this small string of islands in the upper Pacific Ocean unlike anywhere else in the USA, and 50 years ago today, it became a State of our Union. How America did this is an ugly story about greed and corruption, and involves some of the biggest names of the day and some names that we come to know of today. Colonialism gone to hell.

My very first jet aircraft flight was to Honolulu, Oahu, Hawai'i more than 40 years ago, and that Hawai'i was warm and humid and after flying for hours from Los Angeles, seemed like no where I had imagined. We came off the plane and there at the top of the jetway were a couple of women and men and they were dressed for the beach and they were brown and smiling with armloads of flowers. When she put that lei around my neck and the fragrance hit me, I was swept off my feet. I haven't touched down since about Hawaii'i.

Go if you can. I highly recommend it as a destination. Even though it is part of this melting pot of the US of A, it has a flavor completely its own. And the food of Hawai'i is fantastic. There are miles and miles of pineapple fields on most of the islands, and there are varieties of pineapple that are grown no where else, and the color and taste are out of this world. The natural beauty of the Islands is breath-taking and awesome.

The people, especially those of Hawai'ian descent, are friendly and welcoming, for the most part. and goodness knows that with all the millions of visitors Hawai'i gets each year, it isn't always easy to smile. But smile most folks do. It is that kind of place, very calm, very laidback. Not the frantic buzz one feels in poor windstorm blown Manhattan (the trees!, oh), but with a gentleness to the pace. A lovely place.

By the grace of all that is, Hawai'i did not and has not lost its culture, and today the Hawai'ian language is taught, as are traditional sports and crafts and practices. The strenght of the Hawai'ian people is in their enduring nature and love. Here's to Hawai'i! Mahalo! Thank You!

 and the blessings of Ramadan to all who follow. May G-d be closer!

 

August 17, 2009

Been busy the past few days. That's what I do when I am 'sitting with' something, trying to sort myself out.

Getting my hands busy helps to structure the flow of thoughts in my head, and to put order in place and prominence. That always helps me.

Anyway, lately there has been interest in my offering something different: questions answered- $10 each. So now there is a tab on the website. Let's see what happens....

The 'new' is like that, sometimes life asks you to step into the un-comfortable, to challenge yourself. That is what we all do here, grow as individuals. Some of us set challenges for ourselves that seem too high, too hard. And yet those that push through all of their own fear and reluctance achieve greater happiness and success for their efforts. One must keep trying. The obverse is painful. Giving up, giving in, letting others control you, letting your fear control you- that is not a good life. Change and grow and try and again and again until you triumph! That's life! We all have 'stuff ' and 'issues' - that is the great common denominator, what makes us all human. What we do about our stuff and our issues is what makes the fabric and substance of our lives.

As for me and my part - well, busy is better than bored, and I've got a list of chores and projects to do that should keep me busy for quite a while. And that's what I'm gonna do - get busy. And stop my worrying and fretting and displace that feeling by being busy. Off I go!

 

August 14, 2009

Wow, didn't see that one coming......ow....ow......Ow....OW.....

that's what happens, and doncha just love that word - don't you? - because of all the options that it implies...?

this morning, in a quick "hello" call with  a friend, my feelings got hurt...and I got bummed out and sullen and quiet and 'down in the mouth' and felt sad...

in reaction to what I heard

How she felt about our relationship, and our connection, and to how much she could love and trust, me and herself...

and it hurt.

To hear her lack of love, her doubt, her distrust.

To know that there is a reason, a purpose, a rightness to all of life, to all that is and occurs...

and to feel her outside of that feeling....

sad.

and to trust, and to love and to go forward, suspending my disbelief.... in hope and faith and here goes....

 

August 11, 2009

Happy Eleven Day! This is an eleven year, if you add it up (2+0+0+9=11) and today is a day to celebrate our continued time here on Earth. And a Happy Belated Birthday to Betty Boop, who turned 79 this past Sunday. Boo-boop-bee-do to all of you! Let's keep going!

Speaking, or writing of which, just the other day I was walking down, or more correctly, up, one of the fair streets here in San Fran(cisco) and came upon 2 folks, map in hand, speaking in raised voices. I caught the man's eye, and asked if I could help?...the woman turned to me and started in rapid Italian to ask me how to get to the Embaracadero and then she caught herself and realized she was speaking in her native tongue and sputtered an apology and started again in English. Laughs all around when I replied in Italian and told them how to get a street car to take them there, and then my Italian began to sputter and we all laughed again, and then he cajoled me into sharing a toast in the bar near the F-line stop and new friends from Bari were made, Elena and Victorio, 

For years, I've been helping tourists when I cross their path. Some wave me off and others don't. Those I help sometimes just walk off with a grunt and others, well, Ellie and Vic are good examples of friendly folks. This all started for me in 1990, when we got lost in Milan, Italy. We were between trains and in Milan for 8 hours, and had been walking around and thought we knew where we were, and suddenly, lost...and there was no one around, it was a Sunday and most stores were closed and there were no people around us. We walked on and came into view of a woman exiting a doorway. I called out to her in my rough Italian, excused myself and asked her which way to transportation to the main railway station. She smiled and said "Avanti" and off we went, down the street and to the next and another and across a public square and then another street and then a big orange streetcar! She smiled and walked away, our Angel of Milan. We never would have found our way without her help. I repay her kindness with my efforts today.

 

August 6, 2009

I think G-d has a sense of humor, and irony as well.

How else does one explain that the atomic bombing of Hiroshima and the Feast of the Transfiguration occur on the same day, today?

We are part of a curious species of beings, you and I and all the others, and we can get up to some pretty amazing thoughts and things, as one can all too clearly read in the newspapers, that is if any of you are still reading newspapers. As an ex-newspaper employee (LA Times), I agree that papers today are not what they used to be, but holding onto the past will just cause grief in the present and the future. Things change. And if you can't fight 'em....

Learning to grow with change is challenging, and it takes a lifetime. Give it your best and get back what you give and become more.

Speaking of which, I saw my cousin Valerie the other day, first time since 1967. We've both grown up. And she has become such a wonderful woman, and our connection touches me deeply, the feeling of inclusion, the feeling of love. What a gift. Just like life!

 

August 2, 2009

Last full day in the Home of Black Soil...the corn is quite high, and the fields gently wave in the breeze, the top of the corn stalks moving to an other beat. The soybean fields are a darker green, much shorter, and just about as common as corn. Streets have numbers like '481 Street' and houses are few and far between, miles in fact. Talk about vistas! Iowa is not all flat, and here the ground shapes in gentle rises and dips, terraformed my man here and there, roads and highways and such. And huge Huge buildings for storing grain. And Elevators, buildings that clean, sort and separate for transport grain, huge rocket ship shaped things, rising like robots on the ground, gleaming metal shining in the cloudless skies.

The Birthday Party was 35+ people, and Walt, Joe's Dad, sang and played guitar. He is a student of old American music, and knows songs that are familiar and others that you've never heard before, and in the words of the songs you hear about love and pain and life and faith, lots and lots of faith. For crop failures, for dead children, for tragic lives, for bank foreclosures - these are the stories of farmers. Friends of Walt came, people he has known for 70+ years...old friends, the name he and his buddies call themselves when they perform around, as they do.

It's been a window into other lives for me this trip, seeing Joe's brother and 3 sisters, his parents, all but 3 of the grandkids, so many kids, and they're growing up and becoming their own individuals, and there we all were, in this tiny farmhouse out along some dirt and gravel road, surrounded for miles by corn and soybeans, cows, sheep, pigs and so many birds. The thunder and lightening storms scared me something fierce, especially last night, but the days were sunny and the cooler temperature was a blessing. Quite pleasant, in fact, in the high 70's, and nice breezes all the time. One surely gets a sense of the land here, and the weather sure blows through. Haven't seen a seagull since we left San Francisco, but there are herons and turkeys and so many others, wish I'd brought my Sibley bird book.

It never ceases to amaze me - the variety of lives being lived on this planet. And what variety! These may be farmers around these parts, but these are some pragmatic people, who believe that the dignity of the individual is to be supported, and who also tell it like it is, and don't beat around the bush when it comes to asking questions. And live full, rich and often nice lives, in touch with the land and space between each of them.

Not looking forward to tomorrow, frankly, as it is the egress of our ingress: a 5 hour drive and 2 planes and 6+ hours and home by Midnight...

G-d bless farmers. 

 

July 29, 2009

ooooohhhhhh.....it is waaaay tooooo early to get out of bed, it's 3:30AM-----

Catching a 6AM flight to Dallas and then another plane to Kansas City. Going to Joe's Dad's 80th Birthday party in Iowa, near Orange City. A long way from here, right this second. This journey will involve, in addition to my aches and pains and groans, 2 flights totaling 6 hours, and a 5 hour car drive. Did I mention how tired I am right now?

later- made it to the airport, upgraded by surprise! yay! and into and out of Dallas DFW...what a zoo that place was! And then a nice short hop into Kansas City and a rental car and off we go. It's a long drive but we're there. Horrors! No internet connection! Must write blog down! Pen and paper! How Luddite. Welcome to the Land of the Time Before!

 

July 23, 2009

40,000

and the winner is: William Lewis Hezekiah Balch!

Ain't that a grand name for Mr. Forty Thousand? I was beavering away, working like mad on my family tree, as I wanted to send invitations out to family members far and wide, inviting them to the family tree, and I glanced up and noted that I was approaching forty thousand members in my tree....wow, not bad, considering when I started I knew of so few, living and dead.

My Bavarian relatives have been so cool, so welcoming, and my California branch is amazed at the data, and the Arizona clan is most wecome, as are the folks from Jersey, Channel Islands. And on and on, so many places, so many new faces and stories and connections. And some very interesting lives lived, that I've learned about. Like the crewman on a ship that was struck in the night by a larger, faster ship, and how the crew, my relative included, sacrificed themselves to save passengers, especially woman and children. Or the woman, while raising 8 of her own children, took in her dead brother's kids, all 6 of them, and lived as one big happy family. Some of the photographs, especially the old ones from the 1870's and 1880's are amazing, and more and more is being posted, daily.

As an only child, the sole offspring of my Mom and Dad, I always felt a bit at a distance from my kin. My work in genealogy has brought family members closer to me, much to my delight and joy. No, we don't all get along like a pile of warm puppies, we are real people after all. But the connections are still there, alive and well and always mutable, changing and dynamic. They say that blood is thicker than water, whatever that means, and I have come to see that what a family shares is love, however strained and muted it can become.

and the search continues...and now I am trying to track down two of the most elusive branches of my tree, my Mom's Dad, Earl, and his connections, somewhere in Arkansas and Pennsylvania. I am hopeful that DNA testing will come through with some connections, now that I am part of a surname research project. Fingers crossed.

Speaking of family, we are off soon for the wilds of Iowa and miles of corn and soybeans. Joe's Dad is about to turn 80, and all 5 kids and their families are converging on Northwest Iowa for a family celebration. The family gets together every other year for a few days, and it is always fun and funny, and lots of fun. There will be stories and photos to share, I am sure.

Here's to you and your family, with wishes of joy and love for all.

July 19, 2009

Forty years ago...

I was working at a Kentucky Fried Chicken store on Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles, California, up to my knuckles in flour and '11 secret spices and herbs' and enough chicken to fill a small pen. As a newly minted High School graduate, I was looking forward to starting to attend the University of California at Los Angeles (UCLA) and figure out the rest as I went along.

When I was very young some adult around me said that we would never walk on the Moon. I thought he was wrong then and we all know what happened. And from the look of things, we are going back in the not-too-distant future. And to Mars with the Russians, as well, I've heard.

Tomorrow, if you get a chance, take a second and think of all the men and women who helped our advancement, and those today who toil at the same effort. The seeds of our future are all around us now, and any encouragement we can offer is to our benefit.

Forty years from now...

can you imagine? Almost mid-Century by then. As we have made much progress in the past forty years, there is a good possibility for our continued progress in the next forty years. Bio-fuel from algae, power from fission, health care for all, a wonderful future, and it's just around the proverbial corner, in time.

 

July 15, 2009

Happy belated Bastille Day! Hope you got Franced!

When I was 16, my grades were such that my Dad sent me to Europe with 7 other High School students, just the eight of us for six weeks, all around Europe. There are so many great memories that linger to this day, and the one that's been coming to mind lately is about Paris.

Let me disclaim from the start that I am in love with Paris, the vistas, the streets, the Metro, and many of the people. Oh, I know, Paris-ites can be terrible snobs, but you know what? Paris or anywhere is not immune from folks that would drown if they didn't remember to lower their noses when it rains, there are snobs everywhere. And the light in the sky of Paris, especially at dawn or dusk, incroyable, incredible. Lovely.

Last night was a late one, out until Midnight, having supped quite well at a Bastille Celebration at the Jeanne D'Arc restaurant (www.cornellhotel.com/jeanne) and listened to the singers and the violinist and the accordionist and sang along and laughed and celebrated France. All night I imagined we were in Paris, and just as the image would start to take hold it was dashed by some loud sound, and still, being in San Francisco, eating and drinking French food and wine, what's not to like, no? C'est si bon!

Nearby to the restaurant is Belden Alley, and it was awash with folks out celebrating. Colored lights and lovely sounds and many smiling faces, young and old, having a nice night out on the town. As we drove along, the streets had a sprinkling of pedestrians, and corner businesses looked busy, whether they sold sundries or food or booze. A busy Tuesday night, here in Baghdad-by-the-Bay.

And a beautiful, slightly chilly blue sky morning, and memories of last night and Paris and joie de vivre, love of life, and away, have a good day!

 

July 12, 2009

Sunday night advances, after a full weekend. MJ is still everywhere in one's ears, and the music plays on...

legacy.

I've been sitting with that word, and concept, for a couple of days now, and have come to some thoughts:

No one out runs karma, the law of give+get. Love works. Do not go through the motions or they will go through you. Live alive.

That's it, as far as I understand. Someone asked me recently "how do you stand it that some folks get away with it?'" and I replied that as far as I know, none of us 'gets away with it', that we do not out run our karma, our just desserts. I knew of a terrible man who was much regarded in the popular press, and hated by his wife and child, and died of cancer within days of learning he had it. His obit in a local paper mentioned that he had been convicted of white-collar crimes and was picked up in the national press, to much shock and horror. Karma.

Give and get, that's how it works. So as we give, we receive. This one has been a challenge to understand, that I must 'pay it forward', but yep, that's the way it works. One must prime the pump, so to speak, or write. I think I get it now, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, I heard those words sometime somewhere. That's what they mean.

So many folks have weighed in on the passing of the stars lately, the entertainment kind, and have wondered if the stars, the astronomical kind, play a role, and they do, I'm told. Take from events what you can, and learn along the way, that's my advice. Let life live in you, and live life, and love, love like you've never been hurt, and love honestly and authentically. Give, and get.

Legacy. What we live. The days ahead will bring events unimagined, moments untold, clarity abounding, and feeling, lots and lots of feeling. Think about that the next time you start to go on 'automatic' and lose yourself in the mindlessness of some routine. Try to be in each and every moment, as you live them, and come from love, be the voice of love, a sign of love. Then, watch your world improve...

 

July 8, 2009

Yesterday, a billion + people watched a tribute to Michael Jackson.

Several of my clients were invited, and later shared with me the impressions that they each had. All of them commented on how the space seemed to fill with energy as the memorial progressed, and how at times it was uplifting, sad, tragic, funny, very moving in all. Such a sad, lonely ending to a music filled life. I do not know the 'truth' behind Michael Jackson, if he was or wasn't a 'bad man', but I do know that his music touched so many people.

In Paris, at the shopping mall that has replaced Les Halles, I came across a crowd of folks mesmerized by the 'Black or White' video, and how, even though it was on a loop, most of the crowd stood rooted in place and some swayed along with the music, and some hummed. His music is everywhere nowadays, and I suspect that it will be with us for a long, long time.

Maybe someday, we will know more, maybe even the truth, about Michael Jackson. All we have now is his music.

on the family front, my recently discovered Aunt who died young, Mabel by name, sparked a conversation between cousins, 84 years old and 91 years old, and the next thing I know, I am talking with my 2nd Cousin Ethel Hughart, ain't that a great last name, and she is full, chock full, of family history and stories and had done some family research into her ancestry back to 1700 or so. She and I talked for almost 2 hours, and I uploaded her data into www.ancestry.com and that program lit up like a tree, with dozens of blinking green leaves indicating records on file in the ancestry.com program, and since then I have been working to incorporate this new information...some amazing stories about Scottish and Irish folks coming to the Carolinas starting in 1650 or so, there is so much more to learn. Very cool. Stories of Cornwallis and Daniel Boone and Thomas Jefferson and George Washington and wars and loves and lives lived.

All because of a woman I will never meet, my Aunt Mabel. Thanks, Mabel, you have done a wonderful thing in your all too brief time here on Earth, bringing family together. 

Ain't life grand? 

 

July 5, 2009

Good Sunday Morning to You!

Up early this morning, after such a great evening yesterday. Joe's Cousin Peg and her husband Randy came to town and we got together. Randy is the person who sparked my interest in genealogy years ago, and when he put together a book about two of the families, wow, was I and still am I, impressed. He had so much data, and I started thinking about my own families, the 4 clans who resulted in me. And my growing family tree. Surprising things in there, like the recently discovered Aunt who died as a child...looking into my families histories has been very interesting, and I encourage everyone to do it. The stuff you can learn....amazing.

Last week, with the sudden passing of Maddie, left a bit of a crater in me, and I worked and worked to displace my grief and anger and hurt and confusion, holding onto the love and the gratitude and the goodness that knowing that little grey tiger was and is: love remains.

Hello Manila! and a shout-out to www.xlibris.com, my publisher. Thanks to all of you for getting and keeping my book out and about.

And out and about is what I should be this day after Independence Day, I hope those of you who could, got to see fireworks in the sky...there were so many displays around the Bay Area, all of them caught on camera for replay later. Fireworks have always brought out the kid in me, when I would look up into the sky through a sea of adults and then: a bright flash of color and smoke and a big or not 'Boom', and I would go so I could have an unobstructed view of the lights in the sky, the colors, the shapes, the beauty. There was one year, right after I moved here to San Francisco, that we went up to the top of Buena Vista Park and watched what we could of the fireworks, and as the fog swept in the flashes of light disappeared into the clouds and the sky still lit up, still fun to watch, even while freezing in the cold wind and fog of San Francisco.

No fog last night, and today the fog is pent-up behind the Twin Peaks ridge to our West, spilling into the Presidio and north parts of the City. Threre's a bit of a breeze, and the day is looking to be a good one, with blue skys and pleasant temperatures. And it is Sunday, a day of rest for me and I plan on reading parts of the 2 books I'm currently reading, and doing a load or 2 of laundry, and cleaning something, somewhere. The smell of clean is one of my favorites.

Here's to you having a good day, too. Make the most of your Sunday, or Monday, or any day. Spend the gift of life well. 

 

July 1, 2009

sitting in the stun of it all, such a maelstom of feelings and actions and a very good death.

Hope I get one...and I am all too aware theseadays of what a bad death can look like...oy, some of the stories I've heard lately.

Like the man who got mad at his Mom because she would not give him his Daddy's ring and stopped calling her or taking her calls, and she got stricken and died and was not found for 5 months, and it looked like a crime scene and the police had him fly out to the house and claim her body, and he lost it, and is now institutionalized.

Death is going to happen, and the best thing one can do is be prepared for it. Make a will, spell out what you want, or wind up in a mess. I have heard those stories as well.

stories of financial rack and ruin, and a life lived out in some home or SRO (single room occupancy) unit...sad, messy endings.

For me, I have a will and sleep better because of it. All the fear that came up, years ago, when I first thought of making a will as we had bought a house here in San Francisco, and this niggling voice of superstition....oh what if I do won't I die right after making it???and other unreasonable thoughts and emotions had to be worked through, and now I have confidence that my end won't be messy. Touch wood...

The house feels emptier, just one cat now, Edy, named by Joe, as they all are. Middle name is Lunette, the name given her at the SPCA here in the city. Six years old, a Libra, and very possesive. Maddie has made her presence felt, a couple of times, and she seems a bit confused by her change in status...death is different.

on either side of it. Don't think it can't happen to you.

 

June 30, 2009

hello, from a different place... to be sure...owow...i kinda saw that coming, , , wtf wtf wtfffffffffffffff....

deep breath...another...and again...

and Hello!

folks for years have asked me' What's it like to be psychic?'........and my answer is......grounding at the least, depressing at the bottom, re-assuring in the end, no pun intended....

and that really is the main event, the subject.

 How will it be for you? Do you have the ending figured out? Maddie did, and it involved sunshine and chirping birds, and dappled sunshine, and we moved as needs be, to make sure we were in the center of dappled...such a cat...

so here's some woo-woo for you:

Evolution is a process, duh, and we spiral up the brain size ladder. Cat is not so high up, but in terms of telepathic communication is fairly advanced, And wowow, did I get , and hope to get, Madolyn. Madolyn Louise, both her names. She made the big leap, one that I could only encourage her to do, today at 6:11 PM...and 8...now, that would be Maddie.

Poozer, we called her around here. We first saw her squaling in a cage at the SF SPCA as a tech worker took her brother out of the cage, and he was clasped to the chest of a young woman and gone, and she sat there, as the cage door closed, and let out this yell.......i hear her and it now....i love you....always...

and gone, in body, out the door in the box from the SPCA she is...such a happy ending, in her bed, my bed, after 'under' the covers, my knees up and she on her side, stretched out, but then back into a vigilant pose...

and then the nice Doctor and his pain shot and we got woozy and looked in my direction, and then I turned her head and put it, and her, down.

Loving is an artifact of time...and time is kicking my butt. Reminding me that the time I have exists only on this plane, and that love will never die.

I so get this. It is so very cool.

Silly of me to wish that I knew about physics, but this is what I hazard:

Just as sound has a range that we cannot hear, so does light.

Death takes up a range of light most of us do not see nor realize. But we still are, and exist, and light and time are an expression of the duality that energizes life, 1, 2, 1, 2, like a heart-beat, until we're done.

and that is what Maddie was this day, she and I were up until nearly 2AM this morning, and she told me of her kidney cramps and her ulcers and her not getting nor going to get, better...

wow...

and I was so sad, and fell asleep to this news, and awoke to find her gone from my bed...and in the armoire in the hall, sitting on the rag-rug there for her, vigilant...waiting for???

me, as I scoop her up and carry her with me to a seat in the sunshine on the deck, and we both know that today is the last day...Goodbye! I love you!

 

June 29, 2009

Times almost up, June, it's your waning days...and then...it will not be June anymore!

speaking of waning days, what's with all the deaths lately? Everybody is dying and name after name splashes across the wire and another person from our past is gone unto death, the true 'final frontier', all apologies to Mr. Roddenberry and Star Trek, notwithstanding. and to top it off, our little Miss Grey, Maddie, is acting up and making weird sounds and not eating or drinking water and so, being old hands at this sort of behavior, we jumped in and fed her and gave her fluids...ick...and fingers' crossed, this too shall pass....hard to type now...

One of the things I like about July is that it always starts on the same day of the week as April...funny, that. So I kinda think of July as a warmer April, less flowers, more warm, and the waning days of June here in San Francisco certainly are warm enough, and out in the Central Valley of California, it is too damn hot, period...!

Work on my books is going great, and hopefully I will finish both travel journals this year....hip hip, hoorah! Finger's still crossed...

but the nicest thing is, I'm not cross anymore, not since I took an emotional 'dump' and got rid of the negativity I was feeling. How that nasty, old, funky stuff from the dregs of life can slow us down and stop us if we let it...scary thought, that. So more displacement. I am well known at my local Thrift Store as 'the guy who buys crummy plates', and am glad for every purchase, as it is one step closer to a more loving heart.

Every step counts!

 

June 28, 2009

The neighborhood has been jumping this week, and last night the city hung an 8 foot diameter disco ball from a crane 2 blocks away, and set up a live bandstand across from the ball. City disco, and thousands showed up.

I was in the space for a bit of a party, and the music was good. These past few days, I have been doing displacement exercises, purging myself of the negativity that arose in me during my brief trip to LA, getting the funk out of my system, so to speak. So last night came as a welcome surprise.

Astounding passings in the news, folks you kinda knew were close to dying, but others, wow, shocking and surprising, to say the least.

That we are going to die should not surprise us, but the timing can, and does, and will. Life is uncertain, and that alone is enough of a reason for me to get my sorry butt outta bed some days and get to moving and being alive, not dead, yet. Daily, this wonderful thing called life is there when I wake up and is there when I end my day, A true gift.

What I do with this gift is an expression of my self-esteem. Good or bad, or both. That's when it can get really confusing. That is why I set aside time for me to displace, to get out my anger and frustration and disappointment and blah-blah-blah, so that I can regain my positive outlook on life, and me and you and all of us, even when it looks quite the opposite.

It's nice to be back!

Happy Pride!

 

June 25, 2009

Good Morning, Vietnam...

I've wanted to write that and this morning noticed someone in Vinh, Vietnam, has visited this humble website. Thank you, and to all of you who visit me here. All the best to all of you!

Six Months to Christmas!

Yesterday...great title for a song, very inadequate to describe the day I had the day before today...

Uncle Ed and Aunt Leota are still 2 of the sweetest folks I know, and it was a great party. Got to meet every living descendant of my Aunt and Uncle, what a true treat that was. Fantastic, and so many faces showing love and life and the whole kitandkaboodle, all in one room for more than 2 hours!

If I were to add up all the marriages between my Mom and my Dad and compare the number of years married, Ed + Leota would win. 70 years!

and the data, just the little bit that I got, was invaluable to help me with my research. Sometimes even the smallest little data point can change the direction of the effort, and I got a tiny fragment of a larger story that will help me now track-down the right people. Very cool. Very cool, indeed.

as far as the rest of the day, getting out of here, even without Clear.com was a 'piece of cake', as was getting the car and to Long Beach. Still a very Deco city, lots of period architecture in good nick, and it was a nice clear day and the air was fresh and clean. Of course there was traffic on the 405, to be expected, but getting back to LAX is where we ran afoul. Going up to the desk to check in and the woman looks up and me as if I am a pain in her ass, and despite her tone and dismissal we are pleasant and civil, but what a bit*h, and then off to TSA Security and it's not too slow or anything, and then as we walk toward our gate, thinking our flight leaves in about an hour, and I glance up at a monitor and it shows our flight 2 hours late! 3 hours to fill...and if we had known, that is bothered to check, we would have known about this delay and kept the car and seen some sights, and now the only sights we will be seeing is the inside of Terminal 4, LAX. Oy...

getting home close to midnight, knowing that I have a 7AM phone session, kicked me to the curb, and I am glad I have an hour today that I will be able to nap, yawn, and refresh my batteries.

Family. I could pick apart yesterday if I chose to, and dwell on the negative stuff that happened, and believe you me, there was plenty of it, to be sure. And it is not the part that I will focus on and take delight from. I will do exercises today, before I sleep again, to displace any negativity I feel about yesterday. If only the good is remembered then life is good only.

Up with the good!

 

June 24, 2009

Up before the birds...but this isn't for the birds, it's for my Aunt and Uncle in Los Angeles!

My Mom's Brother, Ed, and his wife of 70 years are celebrating his birthday early (95!) and their Anniversary today, and have invited family only to a party in Long Beach, near where they live.

Joe and I are going, this will be his first time meeting almost everyone of this side of my family. I have not met some of these folks, ever, and was last with my Aunt and Uncle five years ago at his 90th Birthday Party...

down and back in a day...reminds me of the 80's when I did this kind of travel sometimes twice a week. Now it is getting up waaaaay toooo early and off to SFO and an early flight to LAX and a shuttle bus and a rental car and a drive on the 405 freeway and a party and then - reverse course and back home 12+ hours after leaving SFO...We do this to honor a very sweet couple of folks, who haven't always been as close to me as any of might have wanted, but have always been there, especially after my Mom died. They offered to have me move in with them then, but my Dad would hear nothing of it, and that was that.

There so many questions I want to ask them both now about family connections, I hope I get some new information about the Hall side of things. His Dad was born in the Arizona Territory 17 years before it became a State of the Union, and details are non-existant so let's hope Uncle Ed's memory is still sharp as a tack. He is such a nice man, I love them both muchly.

 

June 20, 2009

Happy Summer! or Winter! halfway thru a Sol year, either way you cut it.

what a difference a day makes...heard those lyrics and knew they were true,

and yesterday really needed to be a different day.

The day had started early enough, shortly after 6AM, as I needed to get up and get packed and get to Kennedy, JFK in airport parlance.

and so I did, and had built in enough time to take the Subway (www.mta.info)  what a great system of transportation it is, and go through Brooklyn and Queens to the Howard Beach stop - $2 USD. What a bargain. Another $5 for Airtrain and then at American Airlines (www.aa.com) and an Upgrade to Business Class and time to explore Terminal 8, which needs a whole lot more vendors. And then boarding and my nice big seat and a filling plane and we're just about to 'button up' and the seat next to me is vacant. Huh, 1 empty seat and we're waiting at the gate and just a minute or 2 before the door is supposed to close for a 'timely' departure, and there's someone taking up residence next door.

someone, such a forgiving term. After much kerfluffing and sorting and help from 2 flight attendants he is settled with a glass of Scotch. Me, funny enough,is drinking water, having taken on sufficient amounts of Vitamin V (odka) to be pleasantly sedated. And suddenly he launches into conversation, and since I am sitting nearest him, he must be talking to me. He breathlessly said he had just 'popped' in from Rome and the seat had been held for Roberta Flack, the singer (www.robertaflack.com) and they'd given it to him, last second. He says to me 'Lucky you'.

Oh lucky me!

He was so full of himself, and proceeded to tell me about his travels and their greatness and his friends and their greatness and himself and his greatness. And the greatness of Rome and Venice (so true), the rest, ummm, yah, sure, whatever you say, fellah. Ego on a stick, in a word or 4.

I listened politely, making the appropriate sounds, or so I reasoned. Things went fine, even waiting an hour for take-off (weather) with him talking and getting more loquacious and self announcing, and he seemed happy and nice enough, just a bit self absorbed and immature, but a nice enough guy, David being his name.

At one point I got up and used the loo in the front of the plane, being stopped along the way by a crew member who asked me if my seat mate was OK, by which I reasoned that she was asking me if he was drunk, and I answered 'I think so' and went about my business.

Getting back to me seat, and as I approach I see him out of the corner of my eye and he is scouling at me, and continues to until I am sitting next to him and turn toward him and his face drops to a mask, and he doesn't meet my eyes. Oh well, wonder what that was, and then he is talking, not to me but toward the cabin ceiling, and he says' Well, an old guy like you must've seen some sights in your day, back then. Pity it is over, old man, but move on'...!...wtf...,...,...,...,...,...,...,...,...,..., (that's me counting to ten) WTF...and I say, 'excuse me?' and he looks away.

Those were the last words either of us exchanged between ourselves.

I now know that after I left my seat, he had summoned a crew member and asked for more Scotch and was nicely told that maybe he needed to slow down on his drinking. But I didn't learn this vital bit of data until right before we landed.

What I did notice, at the time, was that he withdrew into his own cocoon and never spoke another word, to anyone. He would nod his head or shake it in response to the flight crew, and wrapped himself in the individual entertainment unit with headphones on and laughed quietly after that. The rest of the flight for me was a good one, with interesting stuff to watch and listen to and nice food and drink, ummm, that Prosecco!, a very nice flight in all. Good Luck, David, where ever you land, and when ever that is. Substance abuse is not pretty, despite the beauty of youth.

For me, what I observed was the effect of too much alcohol on too immature an individual, and his passive/aggressive nature. Many of us go through phases like his, and most of us out-grow it. My sense was that his phase is going to linger for years to come, and that any one in his path had better be ready for the switch in behavior and attitude when it comes, as it most surely will, just like the tide.

and with todays tide, switching subject, is Summer. Happy Summer for those of us topside Mother Earth. and Happy Father's Day in the USA. 

what a nice day to wake up to, and how nice to wake up in my bed, with my husband and kitties and all. How nice to be home, don't get me wrong, I do truly love to travel, but I prefer home as a place to live, to have roots. Manhattan is nice, but it ain't home, and home is where the heart is. I wish I had had more 'free' time there, with my apologies to friends and clients, but I was there to do a job.

While in Manhattan I added more than 800 people to my family tree, and learned more about my Dad's Clan, the Mills', than I ever knew. My Great-great Grandfather, John, was born at 114 Mulberry in NYC on November 24, 1821! And there's so much more, about his life working, first as a clerk and then with the police and then a Chief of Police in Newark, New Jersey in the 1850's and then a Judge in the 1860's. His life has opened up for me, and I now have a sense of the kind of man he was, and he feels like a very good man, quite disciplined and principled. Getting to read transcripts of his words was an amazing thing, to get a sense of his fairness and even handedness, he is quite an example for me. A good Father. One I will never know alive in this life of mine, but a good man to learn of, nonetheless. It's is comforting to know that there are good men in history, decent, honest, hardworking men, and that there are even more of them today. 

So, if you get a chance today, celebrate the men in your life, especially the good one's and let them know. You'll both feel better for it.

oh, oh, that little bit of jet lag has just gently touched me on my shoulder, and is beckoning me to Nap Land...and dawn has broken on what looks to be a lovely day here in the Republic of San Francisco... 

Hope you are having a lovely day where and as you are! Localize love!

 

June 19, 2009

What a week this has been...starting on Monday 6/15 with a 7:30AM packed to the gills flight to JFK, quite bumpy (could I get another drink?) and a late arrival due to weather so grabbed a cab into town as I was too tired to face the subway. Got to my hotel, the Herald Square, (www.heraldsquarehotel.com), up to room, unpack, and go get some dinner. The area is very interesting, it's known as K-town due to all the Korean businesses in the area, and being as it is Manhattan, everything is within walking distance.

Up early the next morning, out to explore the city - there is so much. How strange to see lawn chairs in Times Square! and lots of other places too. What a city. The Highline Park is open now and what a great use of old train tracks, a park in the air. Very cool. Nice sunny day, very crowded, but hey, it's Manhattan! Getoverit! Had a nice dinner with Jeff Campbell, a friend, client, and editor of my book and caught up on his news and all, so great to see him, we had to hustle to get him to Penn Station so he could get back to New Jersey, we talked so long. 

Wednesday, up and out the door to the New York Historical Society (www.nyhistory.org). What a treasure trove of data is in that building. I spent the entire day looking up records about my family that lived in Manhattan around 1800 onwards, and over the next 3 days found more information that I imagined possible, so much data! Wow!

That's where I am right now, with a stack of books surrounding me, records going back to the 1790's, trying to find out more about my elusive family. It is such a delight to have this data available, so much more than I hoped for, and the staff in the Research Library has been so very helpful, truly wonderful folks. They close at 8PM tonight, and I'll probably be here then, although it looks as if I will have to continue my research in Newark, New Jersey, as that is where the family moved sometime in 1850 or so.

Finding these connections has added so much detail to the sketchy facts I had about these folks, now I have street addresses and real dates and more. What a great trip this has been.

Tomorrow I fly home in the afternoon, back to San Francisco. I feel very much connected to New York City now, and hope to come back later this year and do more digging. And next Wednesday I will be flying down to Los Angeles to celebrate the 70th Wedding Anniversary of my Uncle Ed, who will be 95 this August. Hopefully I can learn more about family connections from him, as they say his memory is quite sharp, and we have little data about his side of the family, the Hall's.

As a kid I didn't much care about my family's history, and now I am immersed. Funny, that. Must be a side effect of ageing, ya think? Whatever the reason, I am glad to learn what I have thus far, and look forward to learning more. 31,800 in my tree and counting!

 

June 13, 2009

and my work week is done and over and kaput, too! Yahoo!

Time to start thinking about being in Manhattan next week and what clothes to take, what with the forecast for rain later in the week and temps in the 70's, and make my list so I don't forget anything (like my stone pouches!) or shoes or who knows?!

The anticipation of travel can sometimes outweigh the experience itself. I remember a flight to Bali from LAX via Honolulu (12 hour lay-over) and Biak and Jakarta and a crammed to the rafters DC-10 and loads of German tourists getting on in Hawai'i and the smell of beer after that all the way to our final stop in Indonesia, in Jakarta. Just to have to run for a flight to Yogakarta and by then the wall paper on the cabin wall was beginning to crawl and wave...or the time I was in Tahiti on business, and catching a flight to Bora-bora and the plane being loaded with cockroaches and flys and the flight crew walking around with fly-swatters and the sound of the thwacks throughout the cabin...

ah travel...!

My last flight through London Heathrow convinced me to buy a small roll-aboard piece of luggage. And so I went shopping and was soon over-whelmed by the selection, from USD$29 to over $4200! For one piece of luggage, a small-ish roller bit. Nothing all that, you know, but shopping was fun and I finally settled on a bag I saw in Costco (www.costco.com) for $49, and I figured at that price I could replace it should it fall afoul of Aeroflot (www.aeroflot.com) or some such terrible event rendering it useless. So's here's hoping that this new bag works!

and, finger's crossed, that the lines are not too crazy at Clear, a service designed to speed one through the airport. (www.flyclear.com). I have used them once before, as a free test, and was delighted that I went through TSA Security in just a minute or two, no line to stand in, and friendly folks to help me. What a blessing Clear has turned out to be, well worth the cost as I love to travel.

This will be a working trip,as I will be doing research for a book that I have been working on for awhile, and the research I am doing at this point all centers in NYC, and the great libraries there. The subject of my latest book is death, a subject that effects and affects us all. There are so many resources available in NYC, and I will have a couple of meetings there to provide material for the book. I'll keep you informed, now that I have a new lap-top from HP (www.HP.com). I got so tired of carrying scads of legal pads when I traveled, and this little 14+ inch computer is an answer to many of my prayers. I tried to get along with a small Nokia palm PC (www.nokia.com) but the display was not big enough for me ol' eyes...not to mention memory limitations...

speaking, or writing of limitations, let me best get on with it. Have a lovely Sunday!

 

June 10, 2009

School is out for the Summer, increasingly, as June rolls on. More and more kids are out on the streets, free from the rigors of the school day and teachers and all of it. The idea of having summer off came about mainly so that children could help their parents on the family farm. That gives you an idea of how old this schedule is, as I doubt many of us live on farms these days. Summer Recess is what we used to call it, way back when I was a teacher in Watts, California. Summertime - and the living is...for each of us to choose.

I've been going to my gym earlier than usual lately, and have run into friends I haven't seen in years. Changing my schedule has been a good thing, as it has given me more time to write, and to work on a couple of travel journals I have been working on, slowly for the past few months. There is something about after my workout, whether it is longer than an hour or shorter, just cardio, maybe it's the endorphins or something or other, but my vim and vigor have been increasing lately, since the change in my schedule. Whatever it is, I'm glad for it. I want this body to last in good condition until at least 100 years of age, and working out is the best way I know to help this happen.

Summer is almost officially here, as it arrives on Saturday, June 20 according to my Pocket Astrologer from www.quicksilverproductions.com.

I hope you make the most of your day! I know I will be trying to!

 

June 9, 2009

Hello Kenya! Nice to see you on my 'dashboard', my greetings and blessing to you and Mother Africa!

one from my files:

He came to see me, saying that his marriage was in trouble. After we talked, it was clear to both of us that his marriage was in trouble because he was lying to his wife. He lied for control reasons, and shame was eating him alive. My council was for him to begin talking about why he was such a control freak with his wife and to progress to telling her the truth, no matter how long it took.

He did nothing.

'Truth will out' is a very old expression in English, as I am sure it is in some form or fashion in other languages. And truth did come out for him.

His guilt and shame continued after I saw him, and he began drinking too much, too often. One night he lost control of his car. He crashed.

He crashed his car, and was found unresponsive by a cop, who called paramedics, who took him to a hospital, where he came to. Over the next week, due to his continued stay in hospital, the truth that he had hidden from his wife came to light. She moved out of the house not telling him she had, and kept seeing him daily, being kind and helpful, but her love was dying inside.

The day he was released from care, his wife talked with him about what had been happening while he had been ill, and told him that she knew all about the things that he had hidden from her since the day they had met, and that they needed help.

He did nothing.

His wife divorced him and moved on with her life, got re-married and now has two children, a boy and a girl. He is alone and refuses any offer of help. He is homeless and slowly slipping into madness, on the streets of Chicago.

Let's face it, life may give you stuff you did not plan for. No news here. What is news, and important to remember, is that what you do with the stuff you receive is up to you, to your self-esteem, sense of self, and love. Each of us in our lives make decisions as to how we will live and with what intention we engage life. For my part, I know that my power ends at my skin, and that the best I can do in life is to wrest control of me so that I am loving and compassionate. It does take effort and focus, but as the ad says, "I'm worth it", and the results are proof of the power of love.

Love on!

 

June 6, 2009

65 years and counting...maybe we're beginning to get it, seeing as how high the stakes are these days. Good on us.

 

June 4, 2009

June is bustin' out allover!

Everywhere I look, there is something blooming. This has been going on steadily since March, but theseadays even the sleepiest looking tree is suddenly profligate and floozy with pollen...and the legions of 'hay-fever' sufferer's sniffs and snuffs and grabs at kleenex and soldiers on...

and I've been beavering away on www.ancestry.com with all of my family research, now over 30,500 names and counting. My work has led to a spate of e-messages from others asking about my digging around for roots and one woman comes to mind who had no idea how many relatives she really, currently has. She was shocked and delighted on the telephone yesterday when we spoke. She had no idea that her family includes White folks, and her Sister is blown away. The weavings of lives, of peoples and races and families creates such a rich tableaux of history in my mind. I'm looking forward to some more time researching my family's past.

And to the opening of travel to Cuba, which I can feel in the 'not-too-distant' future. After all the years of brinksmanship and posturing and ego, we can look forward to a pleasant neighbor with the improvement of the diplomatic relationship between the USA + Cuba. Just give it time.

And give yourself some time to stop and smell the roses, or whatever it is that pleases you. Bust a move, June!

 

May 30, 2009

I traveled in time yesterday, backwards 44 years, to 1965.

What a year that was.

As you may know, my family scattered to the winds of change as I grew up, and what with all the marriages and divorces, you lose touch with people you called 'family'. The recent death of my niece, Diana, shook up the family tree more than ever before, and has resulted in some of us searching out, and I mean really digging, to find folks. It doesn't always work out the way one would hope, but it works out.

And yesterday morning, it worked out that I spoke with my brother Roy's first wife of 5, Mickey. I still love Mickey, and have since 1962, when I met her in Big Pine, CA before she married Roy. We went back in time, together, through deaths and births and hope and dreams and sadness and tragic events and all the years between here and now and all those years ago melted. It was wonderful. So good to hear the way it was from someone who is older and remembers so well. That certainly is a delight, that Mickey started to recall names that had not been in her head for years. Memory, a wonderful thing.

Especially when it results in one feeling relieved. That's how my 2 hour chat with Mickey left me, getting so delighted that I have this wonderful woman who always made me laugh, she had and has! such positive energy and a good outlook on life, in my life, again and still.

And my family tree grows, to more than 29,500 folks so far. Amazing.

I have been fortunate enough to have countless clients, many acquaintances, some friends, and few family. Finding and having them all adds so much to my lifetime. When I think of all of the billions of lives that have been lived just so you and I can be here...

it makes me humble and hopeful that I can use the memory of their lives as a propeller to drive me forward into today and hopefully, tomorrow.

Which is, by the way, the end of the Merry Month of May, such alliteration. Here comes June, named in honor of Juno, the Roman Goddess, she who 'is unique, who warns'. It is recorded that June was historically seen as the month of health and vitality by many ancient peoples, and that our culture today views as the month of Summer and School Year End and family vacations and hot days and nights and great weather to get out and about it.

Enjoy the last of our May days, and enjoy your time. So you can remember it fondly and well.

 

May 27, 2009

I woke up a married man this morning, much, much to my surprise.

One thing I have come to learn about the State of California is what a fast-paced, quixotic place it is, no matter where you go. It can be on the bleeding edge of things, and it can be in the 1800's, it is all just a matter of where you are in the State. The big cities are, for the most part, forward thinking, while most small towns are conservative. And there are more than 30 million people in this State.

Of that number, I am one in about 36,000 to wake up married today. What odds are those?

People that act in conformance of existing laws and the will of the People have been served, so it appears, with the ruling on same-sex marriage handed down yesterday by the California Supreme Court.

When Joe had suggested getting married last Summer, I was taken aback. We had had a ceremony back in 1992 and became 'Domestic Partners" a few years later, and suddenly, last Summer, an opening had been created by the California Supreme Court ruling that marriage was a right for all. We took advantage of the law and married in City Hall. Married! This is until the People of California decided last November to change the Constitution of the State to forbid same-sex marriage. Which put me, and 36,000 others in limbo, until yesterday.

Funny, ain't it?

That the ballot box can be used to nullify law in these United States...wow.

Power to the people, it is said. It looks as if that will be the chant as we move toward November 2010 and an election that promises to be a 'hum-dinger', to be sure!

 

May 26, 2009

Today's quite a news-worthy day hereabouts, what with a new US Supreme Court Judge to be announced, and the California Supreme Court weighing in on Proposition 8 and same-sex marriage.

There's always something new under the sun.

Sometimes the new hits us over the head (& shoulders) and other times it creeps in on cat's feet, like fog.

Nothing is permanent.

Even the tallest mountains will be worn down in time, and all evil-doer's and saints vanish only to re-appear.

When I was a kid, no, not a small goat, a wise woman who lived near a friend of my Mom's told me that there are always two of everything, like the story about Noah and the Ark, and that the better thing to do was to consider your options, because there will always be at least two, and maybe more.

Insofar as we are as yet unable to stop time, and change comes with time, we have 2 ways to look at change. Good or bad, and every shade inbetween. There are so many things that happen here on Earth, everyday, countless in number, that hurt, anger, confuse, and cause pain. We can react or respond, the choice is ours.

As an individual, I have learned to temper myself and my actions and words. I am direct to the point of blunt, but I always remember the first step is love. Not ego, not anger, not power, but love. Learning over a life-time to trust love has taken effort and focus, and a great deal of displacement. I cannot tell you how many light bulbs I have smashed over the years, or the reams of paper I have defaced with my anger and hurt and hate. "life is not a bowl of cherries" - I remember being told that at age 10, and it has proven itself to be true.

Sometimes life is the pits, and it happens to all of us. Give yourself permission to have a good cry, let your feelings out, express them without harming others. Then dry your tears and get up and find the love in your being, fan that flame of love until it fills your essence, and then go forward.

Love on.

 

May 23, 2009

America is traveling!

Airports across the land are humming, as are the nation's highways. People are out and about this Memorial Day weekend, a 3 day weekend here in the States as Monday is a Federal Holiday and is recognized as such. So, according to statistics, 10% of America's 306+ million people - 30+ million, are traveling this weekend. Wow, that's a lot of folks. Hope y'all travel safely!

When I was leaving Bali, on my way to Honolulu and home, I remember a guard at the airport saying to me "Selamat Jalang" which I knew meant 'Have a good trip' , and having read up a bit on the Bahasa Indonesian language, I knew to say "Selamat Tingal" which means 'Enjoy  your stay', which I think is one of the nicest verbal exchanges one can have in travel. To wish someone well who is not traveling, what a concept.

So this is a 'tingal' weekend for me, and I won't be joining the migration this Memorial Day. What I will be doing on Monday is honoring all of those who have served their country anywhere, any time, and wishing them and their families wellness and peace. As for Sunday, a non-work day for me, I will probably watch some TV stuff I recorded, read a bit more in the three books I am reading at this time, and enjoy what I hope will be a typical San Francisco weather day at this time of year: cool and cloudy and maybe foggy in the hours before noon, and as the central valley of California warms up the warmed air will force the clouds and fog out to sea, bringing sunshine to the Bay Area. Hooray!

For years I thought about living on an island, and flirted with the idea a time or three. Since moving here, I have learned that what I was looking for was a peninsula, water on three sides of land. Too much water is probably not the best locale for an Astrological fire sign like me. It is important to have a connection to the place one lives in, the stronger the connection, the better. Anything one can do to feel better about their 'digs' is so good and important, and will be part of my weekend this weekend. A woman I know, a zoologist, told me that happy animals keep their nest clean, unhappy animals do not. I think that if I clear up some of the clutter I will be a happier animal. I'll let you know!

Have a great weekend!

 

May 22, 2009

Technology - yeesh...

just when you think you have finally come to terms with some piece of equipment - BLAM! the unforeseen happens and you are in water over your head, so to speak, and now must use whatever resources you have to work with the situation and deal with your emotions. Such work!

Fighting battles on both sides, working with whatever it is and your own frustration and whatever you're feeling- now is when one must meditate.

Meditation is many things to many peoples, and for me it means mindfulness, paying attention, focusing.

It is possible to meditate in a moment and feel completely refreshed and reinvigorated:

Close your eyes, breathe deeply and gently exhale. Repeat as calm pervades with each breath. If needed, eliminate noise or add sounds. Continue to relax and go deeper.

Meditation can be done listening to music, any music that calms one. It can be done anywhere at any time. The more one meditates the deeper the experience becomes, much like a flower opening.

In learning to meditate, I learned how to integrate my emotions with my rational thought and my physical body, to produce a harmonious blending of my beingness, of my life. This awareness has helped me to better navigate and get through life with more grace, more calm. This has resulted in a grounded-ness, a feeling of balanced knowing.

Having a deeper connection to a more balanced me is good as I rise to face the challenges in my day. Now I can go meditate for a few minutes before re-engaging in the dance with technology that ended yesterday, late, and not well. Each day brings something new. My responsibility is to bring a better me to the day.

Have a good Friday!

 

May 21,2009

Interesting news, these days, eh whot?

England is going through a political crisis unseen in 300 years, shaking the very halls of Westminster and radiating out from there. All because a young woman decided to get some information that was legal to obtain, and then had to go through quite a process to learn the truth. Quite a wonderful story, and the fact it reveals is salient to all: everybody is human, and there are some of us that take advantage unfairly of situations and circumstances for personal gain. What is important is the old saw, 'Truth will out', that in time we will learn more than we know and will get to the truth, eventually. It just takes intention and focus and effort. That's life here on Earth...

and also here on Earth, Hello Ida. Have you heard of her? She was just unveiled yesterday to the press, one of the oldest proto-primates ever found, 47 million years old. She comes from a time before the primate line branched off and resulted in you and me and all of us. A scientist called her our 'aunt' in relation to evolution. Aunt Ida, Welcome. Your appearance will teach us more about how we came to be as a species, and hopefully will help us to further define what we are. This discovery is a big step forward in understanding of how we came to be.

and here in America, the tough smog legislation that was passed in California years back is being adopted on a national basis. Cleaner air, how wonderful. Maybe now that we have a strong, reflective hand in the White House, America as a nation can help the world to become a better place. Wouldn't that be nice? An America that we Americans can be proud of. One that leads the way to solutions to global and local problems, a nation that respects the Rule of Law for all, everywhere. Progress, forward. For all. Yippee!

Day by day, that's how it is done. Anton Chekhov once wrote that 'any idiot can handle a crisis, it's this day to day thing that wears you out.' Enjoy your day!

 

May 15, 2009

The Ides of May, halfway through the month, merry or not.

29,000 - quite a number, no? That's how many people are in my family tree as of this morning. And there are more than 2300 leads to follow to determine if there are even more members. It has been a trip. My ethnic mixture is American + English + Scottish + Welsh + Irish + Hispanic and Bavarian. What a stew! Seems as if we came over on the Mayflower, three of us did, and intermarried and kept on and today there are scads of us.

Just this morning I got a note from someone on www.Ancestry.com who had just joined with a temporary membership and was amazed to find out that lots of information was available online about her family, going back to the 1600's. And that she had living relatives she did not know of, that was the coolest part, how she had seen a name and went to a phone book and called a number and an Uncle she hadn't known answered and they talked and the rest is a dream come true with a very happy now.

Thank you to all who have helped in my search thus far. It is a trip, in the truest sense of the word. Sitting with Ancestry and www.google.earth has been so educational, and has helped to explain some of the connections I feel with places here on Earth. Thank you.

Speaking of which, have you noticed how cheap airfares are here in the States? Amazing, and getting lower by the day. Folks that fly tell me of half full planes and instant upgrades everywhere. As our economy recovers, and it appears to be, although we are not out of the water by any means just yet, we are going to see a shifting of priorities that will be more about family and friends and the true values in life, and less about flash and bling and posh, no offense Mrs. Beckham. Folks I know are feathering their nests and getting rid of the old and musty fusty, and serve as a good reminder to keep moving forward, day by day. That is how progress is made. 

As much as I would like to sit in the sun this morning, there is yard work to do before I start work, and my work schedule is filled to the max, today. Off I go, have a good day!

 

May 14, 2009

The other day I had an interesting chat with a fellow, quite learned and bright. He was complaining about how slow we are as a species, how we humans have so much to learn and how wonderful that someday will be when we are all more evolved.

I felt a bit like a monkey's Uncle sitting there, listening to him. He is a futurist and is part of a network of interested parties here in the Bay Area, and he had been delivering a paper on transparent technology. He imagines a world not here yet, and spends so much of his time thinking about 'then' that he becomes frustrated and angry in the 'now'.

Now is when we live, I told him, and further that we are making progress, quickly, and have learned of our part in screwing up the environment and are working to fix it, diligently. Not too shabby for a species that was just in the cave a scant 30,000 years ago.

Wishing and hoping and dreaming and the like is good and healthy, and fun. Our nows are built upon our intentions, whether we like it or not, and when we accept the 'cause and effect' of our intentions, we can begin to change even quicker. Sure, it'll be great someday when there is no more poverty or disease or war, and I look forward to those days and my incarnation then, but I am in the here and now, today, this Thursday here in San Francisco, this sunny day with summer like weather and a bright blue sky. Some other day may be better than this one, and I look forward to being part of it, but today is the only day I've got and can make use of. Using this day to make the days to come better comes to mind, and is part of my intention.

Making the most of your days, and nights, and live and love and laugh as you can, that's my hope and intention for you and me.  

 

May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day in North America!

Mother's are a mixed bag- some are good, some are great, and some are meh, not so much so, in today's parlance.

On this day I celebrate all Mother's as all of them do very important work. They give us a reflection of creation. Very significent, that.

We learn from our Mom's and we learn about us in learning about them. Motherhood. Maternal. Motherly. Those words are powerful linguistic icons that represent specific imagery and evoke specific feelings.

Over the years of my life with my Mom, who passed over when I was 14, I learned a mixed bag - some great, some good, some meh, and some bad. What I choose to celebrate, and remember, is the great and the good. The meh and bad have been and may yet be displaced, that is for sure. And what joy and positivity and love do I feel for my Mom? Bunches! Which is why I have been and will continue to buy flowers for my rooms, what ever grabs me fancy when I see them. Just like flowers, no Mom is perfect, they all try, and eventually they are gone from the body and live on in the heart and mind. Celebrate the best, let go the rest, and live and love on...

 

May 9, 2009

Happy National Train Day!

Studies I have read state that most Americans have not ridden a train, which I think is a bit sad. Trains have played a very large role in the creation of this country, and are important to millions of people who use trains each day to get to school and work. This is especially true in towns that have rapid transit of some form, as most cities are building 'light-rail' systems and some are building subways.

Recently, President Obama has noted the need to improve our rail infrastructure by adding and updating our nationwide rail network, and here in California we are talking about, and beginning to fund, a high speed rail link between Los Angeles and San Francisco, somewhat like the TGV in France with sleek trains that will travel around 200 miles per hour.

I first experienced a train when I lived in Mojave as a child. Mojave is a rail connection for much of California and each day dozens of trains would go through town, horns blaring, ground shaking, kids waving. One day, my Mom and Step-Dad took me down to the depot to see a passenger train up close. It was huge! Silver, shiny, bigger than big, at least to six year old me. The Conductor lifted me up at one point and put me on the top step inside the train - I remember looking at my parents standing there, waving to me, and I burst into tears. Hurriedly, I was returned to my Mom who silenced my crying. As much as I wanted to ride a train I didn't want to leave my family.

My first train ride came when I was 16 and on vacation in Europe. What a thrill to watch the scenery shoot past while enjoying a Coke. Ever since then I have been a big fan of trains, and love to ride them today, even if it is just the Muni here in San Francisco. And long train rides are the stuff of legend, what with the clicky-clack and the gentle rolling motion and the scenery shooting past.

The most amazing train I have ever ridden was in Shanghai, a couple of years ago. It was a Mag-Lev train that runs between the Pudong section of Shanghai and the airport. Magnetic levitation, that's how it rolls. When they started the motors you could hear a hum everywhere, and silently we glided away from the station, going faster and faster, more than 200 MPH at one point, silent and swift. Quite a train!

Trains have been instrumental in the development of our world, and have helped us in countless ways. As for myself, I am planning a short rail journey today for a while in the future, a train ride from Emeryville to Reno, through the Sierra Nevada mountain range. I hear it is a beautiful trip and look forward to it. In the meantime, I can content myself with the trains here in San Francisco for the time being.

If you get a chance, ride a train! Enjoy!

 

May 8, 2009

Still smiling after all of yesterday...and Thanks! to all who wrote or called. The encouragement helps alot! Living is full of the 'unexpected', and more often than not it is the 'unexpected' that helps us grow. What I have come to learn is that it is important how one responds to events, and not in how one reacts to events. Reaction is that first rush of feeling, which may not be the best thing to draw from. Response is what comes to mind as reaction subsides, and is usually the better thing to do.

As a child I reacted a great deal, and was called 'overly emotional' by an woman my Mom knew. What I learned growing up was that people could and would manipulate other's emotions against themselves, and that being perceived as 'emotional' made one prey,and pray.

But what to do with the red-hot feelings that occur during reaction?

That is where I learned of displacement, of using the energy of reaction to do something physical so that the energy is consumed, completely and fully, with no after-effect or lingering negative feelings.

That is what my rant in the shower yesterday was all about, getting in touch with the negative, ugly feelings produced during my 'street encounter'. And verbalizing them, loudly and forcefully. As long as it took until I started to laugh, at which point I knew I was feeling better, more positive and optimistic.

It takes work to 'be on the sunny side', as my Sister Melodie used to say, and I think that the effort required is good and right for me. When I see people walking along, downcast and unhappy, I know that I could be one of their rank, and have been at times in my life, and that today I am a happier camper, looking up and going forward. Life is uncertain and we can only do our best in the face of adversity and sadness. To do our best is an act of love, and until you love you it is difficult to truly love another. Love, like charity, begins at home.

I hope each of you has a wonder-filled weekend. Enjoy!

 

May 7, 2009

So, there I was, see, and we, a bunch of us, maybe 8 people, were trying to get on the F-line trolley-car, and there was this person positioned such that one could not get past, what with the umbrellas (3-count'em-3) and bags and rollabout luggage. And this person just stood there, and the driver is saying to this person 'Step up, come in' and this person is just standing frozen. Tempers started to flare and one man decided to push his way through and went to move some stuff and this person turned and started yelling and swinging an umbrella and started to fall. I was right there as this person fell against me, and whatever had touched this person touched me and my clothing and a smell of flowers and sh*t and vomit filled the air. Disgusting.

After a minute or two calm was restored as we all bounced along Market Street. At my stop I got off, the driver waving and saying 'Thanks' for helping in the mess upon boarding. As I walked home I slunk along, head down, hoping not to cross the path of anyone, but I did and this one kid shouted "Pee-ewwww" as I passed him...disgusting.

Once home, into bathroom, off with clothes, into shower. A good scrub and replaying in my head the events that had led me to the moment then and there, and I could feel my anger and disgust rise in my throat and the next thing I knew, I was talking outloud, cursing this person and a couple of others who had made getting on the #$%ing trolley so difficult. And it was quite a rant, and after a few more choice words and gestures I found myself laughing, laughing at the fact that there are times completely out of my control when sh*t happens, for real. And that I had had a 'close encounter' with street-life, and reality.

I was still smiling as I cleaned my soiled clothes, and today, when I go to get on the F-line trolley I will look around a bit more, and remember that some of us are not so well, or well-off, and that not all of us are 'daisy fresh'. And still do my part to help. It's important to 'laugh off'' some of the events in life, and easier to do if you first displace your anger. My shower rant still makes me smile.

 

May 4, 2009

Years ago, because of my hair at the time, a friend called me Farrah after Farrah Fawcett, who was part of a TV series called 'Charlie's Angels'. Gormless (stupid) me, I didn't know who she was and found out, and thereafter ran into her around LA, where we both lived at the time. The circle I was in then was very LA, and part of that crowd included many actors, Ryan O'Neil among them. From the minute I saw him in person I knew he would be with Farrah Fawcett, and this came to pass in time, to much joy.

Now in time comes the passing of Farrah, someone I have only known from glances and smiles and quick hello's, and yet have always felt connected to in a funny way. I wish her the best death possible, and hope she believes in the love around her. That love is real. God's Speed and pleasant night.

 

May 3, 2009

When we moved from the turkey farm we moved to Los Angeles, Highland Park to be exact. We lived in a poor neighborhood on Arroyo Glen in an arroyo, a depression in the terrain from Spanish. Most of our neighbors spoke Spanish. Starting school, many of my classmates were Hispanic, and in hanging out with them I began to pick up the word or two of the language, and found it easy to speak. There were no classes for Garvanza Elementary School students in Foreign Languages so I picked it up in context, helping my friend Anthony (Antonio) bring in the groceries and putting them away in his kitchen, or playing with the kids that lived in the arroyo near me. Que bueno tiempo! What a great time!

Living so close to Mexico has had a tremendous influence on me, as it started me on my travels as a kid, going to Loreto, Baja California, Mexico a few years later, and astonishing the locals with my fluency in Spanish. Such a graceful melodic language, almost as pleasant to my ear as French. Being able to speak Spanish led to learning French, Italian, Portugese, Russian, and most recently and still learning German. But Spanish is all around me these days, along with Chinese. And today in Dolores Park, here in San Francisco, it is Cinco de Mayo, a day of celebration toward Mexican Independence. Music! Dance! Food! Fun!

Mexico is taking it on the chin at the moment in the world due to an influenze virus, H1N1, and business has dropped $57 million dollars per day since a week ago, with worse news in sight. Travel to Mexico is being discouraged by Governments the world over, and the tourist market, so vital to the economy, is drying up. In the short-term I plan on buying more products from Mexico, and in the long-term plan on visiting Mexico and living it up and helping to put my own 'economic stimulus plan' in effect. Viva Mexico! Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

on a whole different note, have you heard about the new Poet Laureate of England?

Her name is Carol Ann Duffy and she is a Scot! And she is a Lesbian! And her work is wonderful and funny and touching and so readable. Poetry is a fine and amazing skill, such a talented use of language, and those that do it well deserve our attention. And this woman is quick and funny and quite opinionated. Do check her out if you will.

Enjoy your weekend, remember to buy flowers for someone you love, even you!

 

May 1, 2009

Happy May Day!

I was doing a bit of research on Wikipedia (www.wikipedia.org) about this time of year and was delighted to learn that it is recognized the world over, top and bottom, as a special time. It certainly feels like it to me. And the variety of flowers in bloom right now is fantastic and amazing, such shapes and colors and textures. At the Castro Farmer's Market last Wednesday (so cool!) there were a couple of vendors selling some very well priced bouquets and I was glad to see the brisk trade going on. Not to mention the excellent variety of fruits and vegetables (dandelion, spring garlic!) on offer. What a great addition to the neighborhood, and hopefully a year-round thing if enough folks want it.

When I lived in Paris I remember going shopping almost daily, partly because my 'fridge was so very teeny, and how much fun it was to get market fresh produce. That's what led me to meeting a lovely American girl and taking cooking classes at L'Ecole de la Cuisine. Going out and buying fresh is the best, and what's available changes daily, all the better. Here in San Francisco, thanks to the many chefs and food folks, there is a plethora of foodstuffs available, and there are markets and stores all over the area where one can find the best products, and some very interesting ones, to boot. Who would have guessed that lettuce came in so many shapes and textures and colors? Or that beets (beetroots in the UK) and carrots had cousins of such color and variety? Nature at its best, and you can pick it up and take it home and enjoy! Now, that's living good!

Today, there will be marches the world over in honor of the Labor Movement. I remember the ones in Paris, oooh la la! What colors, what throngs! Honor Labor! We all serve in one way or another. Today is a day to celebrate the contribution we all make. There are several marches here in the Bay Area, and having joined them in the past I can recommend them. It feels good to be glad one can contribute. And we all do, in one manner or another. Worker's rights have led to a better today than yesterday, and hopefully a better tomorrow for our children.

Today is Vappu in Finland, a day of party and drinking and love-making. It is usually a pleasant weather day in the country, and after the long, cold Winter nights, the lenghtening daylight hours arouse the carousing in the hearts of Finns the world over, myself included. Since it just happens (ha!) to be a Friday what a great evening to go out for a bit of a stroll, seeing as how the sun won't set until 8PM here.

Happy May Day! Make this start of the merry month of May good and fulfilling, for you and those you love! All the Best!

 

April 30, 2009

The last day of the month, almost gone and the month of May to come!

In the Celtic calendar this was mid summer, the time to take the animals to graze and work towards harvest. Beltane is the old Celtic name for May 1, some say until the 15th of May, the time of May Poles, an ancient symbol for the male appendage, doncha know, festooned with ribbons and garlands, a time to buy and give flowers, to celebrate. And bonfires!

Below the equator today is Samhain, like Halloween in the Northern Hemisphere. A time to harvest. I include this as I know that folks 'downunder' read my scribbage. Hello There!

Something I do yearly at this time helps keep me balanced: I write down all the f*%#ed-up things that happened in the past six months, and vent my spleen, so to speak, and record my anger and disappointment and frustration. This paper is then burned, usually on a beach or lake, but I've used the kitchen sink at times.

Displacement of the negative is mandatory for forward movement that is accurate, graceful, and honest. Get rid of any of your demons now, and move forward in your authentic life, in being your best, with your anger and hurt at peace. If you don't give this to yourself you deny yourself love. What sense or good is that?

Each day is given to us for our purpose, whatever that day is as we live it. We choose, all the time. Choose from love for yourself and live fully.

For me, that means scribbling down my junk and stuff and later taking it down to Ocean Beach and burning it, along with many others at the bonfires that will be lit there tonight. I'll take along a six-pak of sodas to share, and bask in the light that my anger and frustration and disappointment and hurt give me as I stand there. 

Here's to a glorious month, the one whose name gives permission: May 

 

April 28, 2009

From the Woo-Woo File:

The first night after Mollie's death I was awakened by the sound of a cat jumping onto my nightstand next to my bed. I opened my eyes in the darkness of 1AM or so and saw nothing but felt something. Later, in my sleep, I felt the old familiar nudge of Mollie at my shoulder, and felt lighter when I awoke. I knew that the sound I had heard and the presence I felt was Mollie, no doubt about it, not a one. And when the nudge came it nearly woke me, but again I knew to trust what I had felt and to suspend my doubt and disbelief and remember how good she felt, all the times she had ever nudged me in our 12 years together.

I had fully expected to see Mollie sitting on my nightstand and the right thing happened because I didn't. Trust in essential in going forward, and is the only weapon one has against one's fear.

on other topics: Many folks have written asking what they can do for their health, to feel better. My advice is walk a lot, a lot more than you do now, and laugh - as laughter opens up your third chakra (www.wikipedia.org) and helps your body to achieve balance. Most of us do not laugh enough, and our joy gets repressed, bottled up inside us, in our middle, which is where so many problems lie. Laugh more and you will feel better, I promise.

and if you can, get out to one of the 'farmers markets' being held in your town, your city. There are some wonderful foodstuffs out there that will help you more, and put variety in your diet. There is a new 'farmers market' starting tomorrow afternoon in my 'hood, and I will be there when it opens if not before. Some of the best times in my life were when we had a garden with vegetables and fruits. The growing of food made a wonderful and lasting impression on me, and each time a buy food I think of the people behind what I hold in my hand and will consume, and thank them for their effort. We all serve, in some manner, and being thanked for our contribution is part of giving it back. So give to yourself and give back to your providers, and the cycle will continue forward. And you'll eat some good food...

looking forward to more woo-woo...and I hope you are too!

 

April 25, 2009

I am truly touched by the thousands of folks who have visited my website and hope that there was something of help here for you. Thank You!

Death and taxes, both in the same month, the month of my birth. Did I mention that I was conceived in a caldera? Yep, fo reals! In Mammoth California during the 4th of July holiday in 1950. Second marriage for both Mom + Dad, and 2 prior mis-carriages. Guess I really wanted to get here, huh? Well, I did and have and am and hopefully will be for some time to come, until my contract gets canceled by the Publisher in the Sky...

I've been on Facebook (www.facebook.com) lately and have been delighted to see the variety of life that is here on this Earth, people the world over, in an electronic room so to speak, and how some folks use this room for connection, or communication, or exploitation, or exploration or...

and here comes the end of April and into May and Labor Day and then Summer and then...and I hope this has been a better April for you than for me and some others, and that May does, if you will. The Merry Month of May, sounds good to me.

Get out and Live!

 

April 24, 2009

Thank You to all for the kind words, works and prayers. We all love you!

 

April 23, 2009

It is 'Take Your Child to Work with You Day' here in the USA, and most folks won't do this, but some do and I would love to hear from them...

It is also Mollie's last day, as we have called a Vet to come release her from her body, her too light and painful container here on Earth. If there is any good in her death, it is knowing that we will not let her suffer further, and the joy in knowing that these past twelve years have been made all the better and finer because we shared that time with her.

I''m writing this now as I know that as the day goes on and we wait to hear when the Vet can come to our house, I will not feel like communicating and will want to withdraw and spent time with Maddie and Edy so we can mourn as a family. The loss of a loved one is deep, and grieving is part of living and loving. Love never dies.

 Update--This has been and still is a very trying day. Prayers most appreciated...

Mollie had a good, peaceful and calm death, attended by a very kind Vet and us. She was worn out and ready to go, and spent her last couple of hours on the settee in the hall, very peaceful, very loving. And she passed calmly, peacefully, purring...

and then, shock of shocks, I learned of the death of my Niece, Diana, from MS. She had fought a good and hard struggle and had been in decline since last Thanksgiving. My dear, sweet Niece, rest in peace...

and finally, to hear that Kathy is going to receive chemo again, next week, that her breast cancer has spread to her back and lungs...my prayers and love and support are with her, her husband Shane, and their two children, Zack and Maddy...

Life is hard, sometimes, and made better by love and support and compassion and all that we can give and do. Love on...Live on!

 

April 22, 2009

Hello! India! Love your country and its peoples! Such beauty! Namaste!

and Happy Earth Day! A day in honor of Mother Earth, and all that she is to us.

When I first heard of Earth Day, back in the early '70's, it had yet to take shape as a concern. Those days are gone, and today we are learning more about the human impact on this globe, and what each of us can do to make this into the Garden of Eden.

Here in San Francisco, we as a city recycle approximately 57% of our trash. Pretty good. There is so much to be done.

So, on this Earth Day, do what you can to make the planet a better place. Recycle, conserve, renew. Take a shorter shower.

On my walk this morning, something I like to do when I can, around the blocks near my house, I picked up trash as I went along, and deposited it in a trash can on a corner. Bits of newspaper and food wrappers, for the most part, and not alot of it, but I noticed how much better things looked behind me for my effort, and enjoyed my walk all the more.

There's a bit there, about my future being trash strewn and my past neater and tidier. The thought makes me smile. And think...if I divide my life in half and compare them, the second half is quite better in tone and taste than the first half, which was chaotic, violent, fear driven. So maybe on a walk it works one way, and in life another?

Thanks to all for their kind comments and advice re: Mollie these past few days. She has been more cooperative these past few feedings, and the sub-cutaneous fluid therapy is helping. It is beyond icky to stick her in her scruff with a needle, but necessary. Sometimes in love you gotta do something that is difficult and challenging. This is Earth, remember, and sometimes we have to deal with the dificult to get to the joy. The important thing is to stay focused on your goals and how good it will be when the difficult part is behind you.

As we continue to emerge from the former tone of America set by previous administrations, and our new President makes changes to how business is done here now, we are witnesses to what appears to be a new era, a sea-change of mammoth proportions. Obama spoke with Chavez and some folks think that he was wrong and we should never deal with those that don't like us. Well, that is how it was done and it did not make our world better for it, so it is time for a change, a new way of engaging. Change or die, it is said. We as a country need to change, to embrace a greener, healthier life. To make the words of our Constitution ring true, we must change. Change is good.

Happy Earth Day! To a healthy, greener planet and happier people the world over.

UPDATE! update! April 22, 2009

Mollie was breathing kinda hard this morning, so a trip to the Vet. A hundred bucks + later, we are at end stage, as she is developing mouth sores, and that is not good. We are given a pain lessening drop to give, and some antibiotics, and wished well, but not for too long.
 

Time to check out of Hotel California, such a sweet ride it has been...

That is life, one step, however faulty it is, as she can barely stand now, so weak and tired. Ready for the next adventure...

And that is life, one adventure to the next, on and on, until there is love and clarity and compassion, and peace...

the next steps are hard...pray for us, please...

 

April 21, 2009

At dusk starts Yom HaShoah, Holocaust Remembrance Day, a secular Jewish Holiday.

Dusk, when the sun is no longer visible on the horizon to the first star in the sky, is a lovely time of day. At dusk today I will remember all those who died in the insanity that was World War II, and those who suffer and die today because of blind hatred.

The more you learn about people unlike you, the more you learn about yourself.

Think about it, the next time you see someone who does not look like you, be glad for the differences and the variety that life presents, and learn from the experience. Growing is part of what we do here, as is learning. It is a school where the better you do the better you peace in life.

Peace in life, such pleasure, such delight, and it can be achieved in your life time, with love as your guide.

 

April 20, 2009

So, here I am, at a few minutes past 3AM, when most of the world around me is sleeping and I am up trying to coax a minky black little and light as a feather cat to drink some water...to no avail.

Have you noticed how your power stops at your skin?

For most of us, when we encounter opposition, we push harder and more forcefully, I've seen and heard about some amazing efforts. But the truth, the rock of creation, is that we can only do that which is within our grasp, our power, to perform.

There's this frustration that comes up, and I just wanna make it go my way! Period! And the multi-verse hands it back to me and says 'What will you do now?' I have learned not to push as hard as I can, and to try a different tack, on of love.

And so I'll go shortly and try again, and maybe even get some food into her if I am lucky. And loving.

 

April 19, 2009

Hello! to my readers in Greece. I love your country, and want to return again.

Here, at Casa Po-tent-c-all, the newspapers and mail stacked up while we were away, and I am just now about half way thru the pile. Some interesting stuff:

Back in November 2008, the 3rd to be exact, a man came to see me and I wrote about the session as it was brief and pithy. Well, he read about it as well, and wrote me a letter, following up.

Wow - What change is possible! So he walked away with my voice saying 'Love' ringing in his head, and got on his cellphone and listened to his messages, one from his daughter. He called her back, and started to cut her off as she started to answer his question that he had started the call with. And then stopped himself, and listened to her. And as she spoke he felt in his body, suffusing his being, love. Love!

He wrote to me about how love is making his life better, all the way around. His personal and professional lives are more balanced now, less drama and pique and stuff and nonsense, more clarity and decisiveness, and a whole lot more love. How her brought his wife some flowers one day, after hearing from her that her day as a mess, and how she was so affectionate and loving and how much better his marriage is now.

Change is possible, and it starts with you. Love is the first step, and too many people give it short shrift. Reconcile your self with who you are and how you are, and change what you do not like.

Then work with yourself on those around you, and root out those issues that keep you from loving fully and do what you can to change it, and talk about the rest of it with the other person, as communication is essential if you want a relationship of any kind to change.

And then, keep at it. Nothing exceeds like excess, and more love in this world would go a far bit to improve it. Start with you.

Some time back I wrote about the goodness of having mentors, and on this trip to NYC I got to see my new mentor, Angela. She is the best!

Manhattan is known for Broadway plays, and you can see actors in the flesh, acting. It is quite exciting to watch. One of the shows on offer is 'Blithe Spirit', a play by Noel Coward (www.noelcoward.net) about a couple who are intruded upon by the spirit of his dead wife, and a "Medium" they hire to banish the ghost, a character named Mrs Arcati. The actor playing the Medium is Angela Lansbury, who has been acting since the age of 19 and today is a vivacious and entertainingly delightful 83. Perhaps it is because of Mr. Coward's work helping her Mom to get her family, including Angela, to Canada many years ago, but whatever the reason, she gives this part her all, and is wonderful and over-the-top and beyond delightful. The applause each time she appeared sounded of the audiences love for her, and her spirit, very blithe indeed. Angela- you rock!

 

April 18, 2009

Last full day of Aries, my birthsign. What a month it has been.

Spring is just drawing to its fulsomness here abouts, and the tempo is picking up.

So many changes in the world, progress and pushback, ever the duality present before us.

Last day of my work week, then birthday parties and long drives and new people and more to come.

Thank you to all who wrote in and shared your stories about death. Such a big topic, and to read the personal reflections that death has brought into being has touched my heart deeply. While in Manhattan, a friend mentioned the recent passing of his Father, and tears welled up in his eyes. I smiled and told him to cry, that crying was a good thing, and the best thing he could do for himself was to wring the tears out of him so he can fully participate in life. Stuffing ones emotion is truly stuffing the bird, and it is one's own goose that is being cooked...

and Thank you to all who have ordered the L.I.F.E. T-shirts. Wear them in good days to come.

Springing forward, into the day! All the best!

 

April 17, 2009

(behind-the-blog)

Mollie has been avoiding food since our return last Sunday, but most importantly, avoiding water, and that is a very bad sign.

Josh, our housekeeper, said he had to jump through hoops to get her to eat, and what she was being offered was the bad good stuff, the stuff that is not just fat but protein, which is bad for her. And still she would not eat it...

So here I am with a plastic tube, cutting off its pointy end so the food will fit through, and then sticking my pinky finger in her mouth, on the edge of both, to get her to open her mouth, wider. Cat food sprays everywhere, the floor, the counter, the sink, me (have a told you how bad to me this food tastes?) and still and yet a tube or 2 goes into the old girl.

Animals are very matter-of-fact about their bodies and their physical experience, and when things stop working correctly, the animal will want to quit, to stop eating, to hide.

This morning, for the first time, I found 'Little Miss Black' hiding behind furniture, and I knew it was time to kick my tuchkas, one of many spellings, into higher gear. So today has been a bit more food, wrapping her in a towel and then gently coaxing food down her gullet. And she has a good deal of fight in her, to be sure, and drew blood from me tonight, poor Joe trying to help and Mollie vocalizing her profound and reasoned displeasure...

Death with dignity.

That's what I believe in, that there comes a time when the body is through, when the fight is all over, when it is time to move on.

Mollie may be telling me that she is in that place, 'Next', and 'Goodbye' and all that, but I want to give her every chance to live, to have a fullish bellie and enough water so that she is thinking, and animals do, you know, clearly and concisely, and is communicating direction.

There was this man I knew years ago, who was at peace with his impending death, but his children were not, and talked him into operations that didn't turn out so great, four of them, and finally he was reduced to being on an oxygen bottle, in a bed only, no chair or walker, crying, unable to speak or write or move, wanting to die. For more than two decades, can you imagine? This because he could not distinguish between what was best for him and what others wanted.

So, despite the scratch, one of very few from her in all these years, I will continue to feed and water this little soul in my care, and hope and pray and trust that I will know what is right to do for her as the time occurs. I surrender to love and trust...I really am unhappy! I trust that what I feel is appropriate and correct, the will that is good and right. For it is will alone that I live to another day...

 

 

Tomorrow is a big day here in San Francisco, it is the Anniversary of the Big Quake of 1906, and there will be a couple of folks there who lived through that terrible time, 103 years ago.

As you may know, as bad as the earthquake was, it was the resulting fire that really did so much damage to the city, along with the dynamited buildings that were created as fire breaks, some to no avail.

Earthquakes are a reality for most planets, according to scientists that I have spoken with, as the hot inner core of all planets cools over time and liquids become solids and that accounts for the shaking one can feel at the surface.

I remember my first big quake, back in 1969 in the San Fernando Valley near Los Angeles. Wow- what a shaker that was, scared me so.

Then along came 1989 here in San Francisco, and wow, again, what a bone and soul rattle that was.

Earthquakes happen, and much like many things in life, we should be prepared and aware, and respond not react when they happen. Reaction can be a mistake, as ones emotions can carry one to bad decisions. Responding, that is, acting with clarity and focus, is so much better, and leads to better results, most of the time.

Science has yet to accurately predict when earthquakes are about to happen, so I have learned to watch animals as they can sometimes exhibit behavior that is curious, like the time a cat of mine hid under an old claw foot tub right before a big tremblor, or the barking I heard in the morning in 1969 that woke me up so that I could run downstairs in my apartment building when the earthquake struck.

What to do, when. That is the question that faces us all.

 

April 15, 2009

There is something very special about waking up before dawn, when the world is much quieter, calmer, peaceful.

All you hear is the sound of nature, all around, the 'dawn chorus' of birds, what lovely sounds, like bells, and it blends into the most lovely feeling.

I had a job, oy, such a job, for a while. There had been this business seminar I had attended, and the speaker spoke passionately about the power of intention. So I went away with the intention of being among 'the captains of Industry', as a certain level of business is described.

Be careful what you wish for...

as I surely got my wish, and got to see those Captains of Industry and high ranking Politicians and World Leaders and the other Power Brokers on this Earth.

My week started Monday, at 4:40AM with an alarm (so aptly named), jump to shower + dress + pack and drive to airport (LAX-SFO-DFW-ORD-LHR which ever city I was living in at the time), check-in and hop a flight to somewhere, get a rental car or car service, go to the hotel, check-in and go to room, unpack, and go to the office, where ever it was. And then work 10-14 hour long days, lunch brought in, potty breaks OK.

Friday, if I was lucky and didn't have to fly to some other city on Wednesday, was up and at'em and to work and late afternoon, having packed and checked-out of hotel, drive to which ever airport and fly home, arriving sometimes as late at 10PM. That was a good week, actually, as some times, due to work problems, I would have to work a Saturday, at triple my pay rate-not too bad, but one day off was hard and I could only do that every couple of months. It was a very hard job. Some airline employee called me a Road Warrior once, and I laughed at the image.

Why'd I do that to myself for years?  to learn, plain and simple.

Business had always been held up to me as something that one could do, and be noble about it, with good ethics, fair and honest. It still is, to me.

What I learned was how cynical and two-faced so many people can be, and it is not just the one's with the big cigar clamped in their jaw, with the flashy watch and suit and car and stuff. No, corruption can infect the weak and the small and the down-trodden just as easily as the larger predators, after all, science does tell us about the food chain...

I was an upper-medium fish in my pond, and my pond was global. On the whole, my experiences showed me that most people in power are good.

But the one's that weren't? 'Danger, Danger, Will Robinson' as the Robot on 'Lost in Space' TV show from the '60's said...

Walking around Manhattan last week brought back many memories of that city for me at the times mentioned above. How some rich and powerful people still haven't figured out that 'pay-backs' also called 'karma' are for real and will come and do happen. And today we have cars that cost more than $400,000 and meals that cost $1,000 per person and having all that money to splash around is good as long as you splash others and share the wealth. Just to have a pile of money that you sit on? What is the point of that? How is that good? Spend it!

There was one woman I met, on business once, in a VIP Room at JFK, she and I the only people there, other than the waiter and her body guard. When the bill was brought she paid it leaving no tip and swept from the room. I hastily put some cash on the table just as the waiter came back. He came over and picked up the bill and, turning to me, said "Cheap bitch". He then proceeded to tell me how she, the 3rd richest woman in the world, never, ever left a tip. And how her hair wasn't hers and she farted alot and had terrible breath and barked orders like a spoiled dog. Quite a different picture from the one she showed me.

I hear she died, neglected by her nurses.

Last week I could walk streets I know fairly well, and hold my head up and be proud of who I am and how I behave. Gone were those days of rushing hurriedly to the next thing, until collapsing at the end of the day to sleep fitfully and incompletely only to rise the next day, for more of the same. And I saw some of the new Captains of Industry, and there are still a few new kids out there in positions of power and wealth that need to learn a thing or 3, but you know, what? They will. Of this I am sure. Today's NY Times (www.nytimes.com) carried a couple of articles about bad guys getting their come-uppence. Day by day, we are seeing a return to balance and better ethic and honesty, and wrong-doer's will pay. Nature insists on balance, and the Tao teaches us of the dual nature of life. Bad to Good to Bad to Good, each time a little better. That is our part in this thing called life, to work to be a little bit better each day, and to encourage in ourselves our best.

In love, there is the answer.

 

April 12, 2009

but it's really

April 05, 2009

Thanks to American Airlines (www.aa.com) and a wonderful flight into JFK ( could there be more planes on the ground not making money?) and the the New York transit authorities (www.mta.info.com) nothing could be easier than sliding into Manhattan and the pace, wow, those subways teach a culture unto its own, and sometimes its warm and sometimes scary and most all the time its just a tube in a hole in the ground from here to there, and now there is TV while you bump along, oy!

Checking into the Buckingham Hotel (www.buckinghamhotel.com) was so easy, a short walk from the subway. And what a cool hotel, themed around music, glorious music, what with Carniegie Hall (www.carniegiehall.org) up the block and Billie Holliday in the lobby and elevators, in honor of her birthday, and a small kitchen and its so reasonable even for NYC that it is the place to stay. Wow! Loved it.

so here's the deal, OK?!

one of my ancestors on my Dad's side lived in Manhattan in the 1800's, his name was - wait for it - Archibald....

what more can I say? Between that name and Kentucky and a turkey farm, I guess it is safe to say that I am white trash, by colloquial definitions. Always good to start on the bottom, eh?

It was amazing, too many words to write. But there is this one moment, when this book in my hand fell open

it fell open, and being me, I turned the page on the right, as the right symbolizes the future for me, and there it was

all of a sudden, without warning, my vision got weird, and the only thing I could clearly see diminished slowly, and the room seemed to get so much bigger and very loud and I knew in that instant that this was a classic "out of body" experience. It was so weird. I almost passed out. My breathing slowed to a stop, of which I was conscious. There, the only line clear in the book in my hand about the year 1812 was the name of my Great-great-great- great- Grandfather, Archibald. And an address, 393 Broome St, Manhattan, somewhere I had been the other day when I went to the Tenement Museum (www.tenement.org) . What a co-incidence, doncha think...?

seek and ye shall find, it is written. Happy Easter! Happy Passover! Keep the Faith!

and that was one of the gifts I got this past week, in big city Manhattan - attitude is altitude!

The folks that were having wonderful times beamed that feeling out like a blazing torch, and those that were in dark and evil places showed it on their face. What a lesson to see. It was a wonderful reminder to me that I can be effected and affected by those around me. And to learn to reach down into my self and find the best of me, my love, my deep and abiding love, a love that will never die, now matter what. And Manhattan can show one the what. We sat in a taxi for over 15 minutes while a street brawl was interruped by the Police (www.nyc.gov) and then the fight got bigger and cops were being beat up and so many more cops showed up. It was amazing. LIke something on TV. What a city!

shouts out to www.fineindiandining.come for one of the best Indian meals I have outside of India. Please come out West!

and there's more!

Sharing a birthday with Buddha has been a challenge at times. It is not all about being contempletive.

It is about being alive. and living, and being, and learning, and giving, and getting, and learing, and being and

that's what Manhattan was for me this Birthday, being. I give thanks.

and to all of you that read these words, I give thanks, and love, and encouragement.

Life ain't easy - Love takes work

Love is worth it.

there was stuff that happened this week that were also real terrible and icky, and I refused to give in, to dip my attitude. I was kind.

and in Manhattan that can take some work, as the economy has had a clear effect on life in the Big Apple, the expensive restaurants don't fill up at any meal much, and the suits on Wall Street look a bit smaller. A calmer place than a couple of months ago, quite a change. There must be a new Sheriff in town... 

Here's to the New, and the good, and the best in all of us. I could sure feel the wind of change in Manhattan this trip, a fresh, clean wind, one that does feel good. Conversations I heard mentioned FDR and the rebuilding of America, and how his first 100 days in office changed our great land. Finger's crossed! The world needs it!

It was Spring, wonderful Spring, all over, with plot after plot of tulips and daffodils and hyacinths. And blooming trees all over, every block! Looking around and about lifted my spirit when it was low, and reminded me that life is in every minute, and all too soon the flower fades and without love nothing happens.

Thanks, NYC.

 

April 3, 2009

My first time that I remember having an adult encounter with San Francisco took place in July 1967. Wow! Whatta city!

It was beautiful from a nature point of view, and amazing from a human point of view. What a town!

That was the first time I read a newspaper column by Herb Caen, who was a journalistic Grandpa to 'the City', as he called it. He had tidbits and items, some with no names, that amused and tittilated. And always fresh each day. He practiced something called 3 dot writing. A bit, then a bit more, then 3 dots...

He was funny, and wrote about San Francisco in a way that made it interesting. He hung out with 'the swells' and wrote about the worst of them, and the best of them, and reminded us all that we all have 'feet of clay', that we are all human, none of us perfect.

I finally saw him once, downtown near Union Square, he was holding a door for some women, and he smiled at them. Then he looked up at me, nodded his head, and followed the women into the building. Just a guy. Then I saw him again, on TV, and he was funny and warm and made fun of himself in a joyful way, seeing as how he was being honored for some thing or other, and it was cool.

The last time I saw him, he looked pale and ill, but still smiling and being very gentlemanly, and yet warm and friendly and a nice guy. He wrote about what a lousy car he had, a white Jaguar he called the White Rat for its troubles, and Vitamin V, his name for vodka. And how he never gave up in the face of mortality and beyond, and I hear through the grapevine here in his City that he died peacefully and calmly, and laughed alot before his Big Sleep, as he called it. What a guy.

                                                                                                      ...

Have you seen the Obama's in London?! What a reception! Not since the days of Jackie Kennedy has the foreign press been so overwhelmed by a First Lady. And to see the Queen put her arm around Michelle's waist, and her draping her arm on Her Majesty's shoulder...never mind the breech of protocol, how cool was that? Now its on to Paris and Germany and more photo ops and headlines and hopefully more good news. How wonderful to see our President and First Lady so welcomed, and to hear admiration of America. We are on the right track, it seems, full speed ahead...

Newspapers keep going out of business. Bad news no longer sells. Maybe it is time for a journalistic change of course...

 

April 1, 2009

Happy Fools, April!

No one is certain where the word april comes from, maybe ancient Greek or Roman days of yore, but what a month it is.

Today in the Assyrian calendar is New Years Day. Happy New Year, again!

The Saxon Goddess Oestra gives her name to a big event of this month, namely Easter. Did you ever wonder about the eggs and bunnies? Part of her retinue, you see. History kinda squishes it all together and makes it a bit of a mish in the mosh, chop suey as they say in Chinatown...and that's another culture to look to for some wonderful celebrations this month. Lots of special food, and dances, and music. Asia celebrates Spring in lovely ways, do look in.

I remember as a kid playing tricks on April 1, and learning about ways to have fun and not hurt people. Sugar in salt containers, cling-film on the toilet bowl, that kind of stuff. One of my Step Brothers put a container of water on a door top edge once, and wound up soaking himself. Great memories.

Here's to the fool in all of us,  love may we continue to laugh at our mistakes and learn from them as well.

 

March 31, 2009

Last day of the month that tells one what to do, unlike the other one that allows or the one that is proud.

Don't we live in interesting times?

One of the things that I love about my internet website provider, Citymax (www.citymax.com) is that when it first comes up after I sign on, it shows me a drawing of the globe and yellow/orange/red dots where folks that have viewed my site in the past week are. It is so cool to look and see that someones in New Zealand have come by, or the spots in India, Africa, even in the Atlantic Ocean! Thanks for checking in, I will keep doing what I can to help us look up at the sky and not in the gutter looking at...

Upwards and onwards

I am not a twit (www.twitter.com) but I know many who do, and some have asked me to join. Sorry, not at this time, as I do not have additional time to give, and am working on a book (or 3) that I would like to get out before 3 score or so.

Speaking, so to speak, of which: If any of you have stories about death you would care to share with me as I work on one of my efforts, please do. Death is such huge territory, and is such a mystery. I'm writing this book to provide information about what death is, what we have learned as a species, what we teach our children, and what we know somewhere inside.

Irving R. Levine has passed on to the Great Beyond, I have just read. See you later, Mr. Levine, and thanks for 45 years of on-air reporting. You were one of the best.

Last week of work before I go away for my birthday next week. Another year has rolled past, and I can see in its wake what I need to do in the days ahead. Time and space are the two biggest mysteries in my life. Time because it is given to me, and I use it as I do, hopefully learning along the way where I waste time and where I make good use of time. Space is the other one that makes me scratch my head. There are so many places here on Earth, and how space is used has a tremendous effect on me, I have come to see. Space can be inviting or repelling, nice or nasty, such a range of feelings. Making space around me has been important all my life, and today I try to put myself in nice feeling spaces as much as I can.

Marching forward into April, month of rabbits and eggs and rebirth. One with such a history. And such beauty. Blossoms on trees is one of my favorites. I remember walking through Ueno Park in Tokyo one year when all the trees were blooming, and the grass was littered with groups of people, eating, drinking, oh wow really drinking, singing, laughing, such great vibes. One of my favorite April's so far. Let's see what a week in Manhattan will do for me this April.

 

March 28, 2009

I was talking the other day with a nice guy, and he told me how depressing the news was and how it made him feel a bit hopeless and discouraged, as it looked to him as if the bad people in this world 'get away with it'.

If I believed that I would be discouraged, too.

I told him that from my knowledge and experience, the bad guys get their just desserts, one way or the other. I mentioned that the papers carry story after story of bad guys going to prison, paying fines, dying terrible deaths, and that we must remember that there is a yin and yang duality to life here on Earth.

Years ago, while on a consulting assignment in Long Beach, CA, I met 'one of the team', this terrible man who was an elected official who was on board to 'grease the skids'.  This man gave me the whillies the moment I met him, and later I learned that the company paid him ten's of thousands of dollars for his support. The company eventually failed and was acquired, and this creepy guy? He was discovered in a sting that the FBI arranged for him, spent every nickel he had to hire shady lawyers, lost his case, his appeal, went to prison, got out and died within months, broke, and broken. He never did repent, in any way or at any time.

He serves me as a big reminder of karma, what you sow you reap, what goes around comes around. Think about the examples you know.

Some folks don't realize what a wonderful opportunity being alive is, and they let bitterness, disappointment, hopelessness and defeatism overcome them. We always have the choice as to what to do, how to feel, how to be, how to become. No one controls us but ourselves. And yes, one can give others control, and that is always a mistake. Always.

Love yourself, forgive yourself, pick yourself up, and get to moving. Time and tide waits for no one, it's been said. Make the most of your time here on Earth, give the love in your heart to your life, to yourself, and then to others. You will have a good life. 

On a whole different topic, today is "Lights Out Day' and we are all to turn off our electricity for one hour at 8:30 PM whereever you are in the world, not so that dangerous conditions are allowed, just to use less, just for an hour. And to enjoy the darker skies, to see more stars. I look forward to an hour of candle light tonight. Maybe I'll do it more...sounds very peaceful...

 

March 22, 2009

Good Sunday to You!

Being thirteen was terrible for me, and was the start of many years of personal and deep turmoil. We, my Mom Eleanor and Step-Dad JD were living in Highland Park, California in an 2 bedroom apartment. Mom's health had been in steep decline for a year or so, and she would most often sleep on the couch in the living room, where I would find her in the middle of the night. I started to check if she was breathing.

Life was wretched.

My escape was radio, and I carried a pocket transistor one all the time. Music had become my refuge when I was about 10, when I could sit and listen and not be distracted by all that my eyes could see. The world that music brought to me on that little box was so much more than I had ever imagined. It was like a time machine. There was a station, it's call letter lost to memory, that played nothing newer than 1950. Can you imagine? That was I first heard Billie Holliday and the sound of vocal pathos. Amazing, sound.

In the mix, as we say today, were songs that had various messages, some positive, some funny, some sad, some angry. I'd always switch off the sad songs, and listen to the rest. Then this one song came out, and the words of the song opened a door to me that saved my life.

The song was 'Downtown', the singer Petula Clark. 

Last night, I once again had the delight of seeing and hearing Ms. Clark, here in San Francisco. This is a 76 year old woman who could pass for decades younger, and she is still into music and life and making the best of it. The crowd was a mix of young and old, and we were treated to a cavalcade of Ms. Clark's work through the years, as well as to new works and even a poem. Maybe it is her combination of English ancestry giving her a command of the language, and her Welsh ancestry giving her a deep and personal love of music, but the woman has got it. Still. I tried to imagine either of my Grandmothers up there, doing what she was, and couldn't, not for the life of me. Right then and there I elected her as An Example, someone who shows me how to live life, to make the best of it, even when life is wretched.

Mentors are wonderful to have.

 

March 20, 2009

Happy Spring! At 4:44AM this Friday (here in North America) the Vernal Equinox occurred. Winter has melted away, leaving its traces here and there and about, snow, ice, cold, lifeless looking trees, and some folks too. So many folks pull into themselves during Winter, spending time with family and close friends and a bit of party and folderol and lots of long nights and hibernation. The world takes a beat, slows down a tick, and regroups. Winter wonderland...and then...Spring, so aptly named.

Near San Francisco, there is a place, an estate with 650 acres of grounds, named Filoli (www.filoli.org) . It is ablaze right now with blooms, blooming trees, plants, bulbs, a beautiful painting in living color. It takes its name from the builder, a man named William Bourne ( when I see his name the phrase 'Will, I am born' comes to my mind) built a nice family home in 1917. 'To FIght for a just cause, to LOve your fellow man, to LIve a good life'- this was his motto, and the first 2 letters of fight, love, and life became filoli, his home. I was there yesterday, saying Goodbye to Winter and an early Hello to Spring. It was a glorious day, bright blue sky, warmish and calm winds. Walking the grounds of the estate put me in such a good frame of mind, and helped me to remember that there is good in doing if one intends it. That's what came to me as I walked around, how the man that built Filoli had a noble motto, and noble intentions. Not like some of our modern day Robber Barons, these fat and greedy cats that take money and don't give back (waiting for karma) and slink quickly before the cameras, hiding from the truth. That's not to say that all wealthy folks are bad, they are not, but it's the bad apples that stand out in the barrel, doncha know? Filoli stands as witness to the good that money can do. To the decent and kind and compassionate, the better part of our human nature. A good example of how good we can be when we try.

So, get out there today and breathe in Spring. Buy some flowers, brighten your room, lift your spirit. Do what you can to feel better today, this first day of Spring. If you don't do it for you, you can't do it for anyone, and you can do it for yourself, with love.

Here's to Spring! Here's to the good apples! Here's to the good in each of us. Here's to love!

Happy Spring!

 

March 18, 200

Last night, as I went to bed and to sleep, I prayed for the soul of Natasha Richardson, and her husband and sons, after hearing about her skiing accident in Montreal on Monday. I had such a bad feeling.  When I saw her in New York, this past January, she had been the lynch-pin in a play, 'A Little Night Music', and when she came to the curtain for her bow, how gracious she had been, how accepting of the praise of the audience, how delighted she was to hear the thunder of applause that rose to greet her, how she smiled and hugged her Mom, Vanessa Redgrave, on stage, and how we all cheered at that moment. Such a good memory...

This afternoon, word flashed of Ms. Richardsons demise. I immediatly thought of her husband, Liam, and her two sons, and of their loss. God bless.

None of us know when death will reach out and grab us, and to live life to the fullest is the challenge. I believe that she died having the time of her life, learning to ski, to try the unknown, learning, becoming, and then, poof, gone. No longer here.

We all will die, and how we die is a testament to the life that we have lived. Ms. Richardson, Mrs. Neesom, died alive, living life to the fullest, and is an example to all of us, how to die with dignity and grace. May we all die so well.

Thank you, Natasha, for the gift that your life was to all of us. To your love and courage and joie de vivre, Salut! I am so sad...

 

March 17, 2009

Happy St. Patrick's Day, a great day to be Irish, even just a bit, and if you are not, drink and eat a little Irish today and join in.

Years ago, when I was a kid, my Dad told me I was part Irish, but he didn't have any facts to back this up. Today, I do. Doing the research I have done on my family history has given me concrete proof of the Irishness in me, and has shown me dozens of connections, as has my DNA research.

A couple of years ago I went to Dublin Ireland to do some research into family history, and was amazed to find that there are records of my Irish relatives going back hundreds of years, to the 1400's. Of course I made copies of everything I could, and shared this info with my living family members. My continuing research at www.ancestry.com has yielded some awesome results: I now have more than 19,000 members in my family tree. Not bad, considering that when I started there were less than 30 names. And I have hundreds of connections to check out, suggestions of family links to explore. It has become a bit of an obsession, this research, but the results are wonderful. Having family the world over is a delight, and each time I hear from or speak with a family member, I am so glad that I have spent the time, effort and money to track down my connections. It is a delight, and continues.

So, today, celebrate with the Irish, it's not all about green beer, corned beef and cabbage. It's about a people that have survivied very difficult times, and still do. Wear a little green, spend a little green, and enjoy.

Even if you are not really Irish...

 

March 16, 2009

So, how was your Ides of March, yesterday the 15th? Better than Caesars, I hope.

Originally a day to honor the god Mars, the fifteenth day of March has an even older association as a harbinger of Spring. If it is a wet day, it will be wetter than last year, if sunny then more sunny in the year, and so forth. Old wisdom that still works. Kind of like astrological horoscopes. My Dad read them everyday in the newspaper, and would always cite them should they occur, sometimes taking the tatter of newspaper out of his wallet. Old wisdom, still in the newspaper today. Most folks read them when they see them, but guesstimates vary as to how many folks take the advice offered.

And here in San Francisco, today sunrise is at 7:18AM and sunset at 7:18PM, even though Spring isn't officially here until Friday. Spring is like that, all over the world. Old wisdom. Somehow plants know that Spring is here, and all over the City there are tulips and daffodils and more in bloom. Some people are starting to look like Spring, and brighter colors are starting to appear on the streets and in the shops. Springtime lifts most folks spirit, and as the glow spreads the vibe improves, making life more enjoyable for all of us. Starting today, I will make sure to bring Spring into my home, my work, my life, and delight in the longer and warmer days and nights to come.

Attitude is altitude. Up yours!

 

March 10, 2009

Yesterdays mail brought a card that as soon as I saw it, I knew for certain something that had come to me last week just as I returned from Berlin.

My favorite Step Monster is dead.

She told me to call her that, right after she married my Dad in 1969. She was like that, when funny very funny, and she was unlike any of my Dad's other wives, she made rude and crude jokes, and loved to sing. I would hear her, when I visited, walking in my Dad's house, humming. She had a wonderful voice, and that's how she met my Dad, singing in a club/restaurant (today a donut and Chinese food stand) in North Hollywood. They met sometime in the early 60's, and dated and loved and fought and traveled and became my de-facto Parents when my Mom died in 1965.

She loved to make people laugh, and loved to entertain. While not a petite woman, she had a grace about her, and walked almost floated when she was happy, which was most of the time. She would enter a room prepared, and always found something to keep conversation rolling along in gatherings. And could she cook! She was such a great cook, and having been raised on a farm in Missouri knew how to prepare 'comfort food', the kind of food that you want more of. Her stuffed eggs were always a source of delight, with celery or crab or chopped chicken or caviar or herbs or on and on...the woman knew her way around a kitchen. She once told me that the reason most men 'wander' in marriage was because of the rations they received. 'Feed 'em good chow and give 'em what they want and they'll stay' she said. She was right, right up until she didn't go along with my Dad's plans for my younger Brother Gregg. That's when all hell broke loose, as I remember. It was 1987

Marylou, I miss you. 'White Shoulders' will always make me think fondly of you, and I promise I'll use the cookbook you 'gave' me more. Last week I dreamed of you and knew you were about to leave us here on this plane of matter, and prayed for you and loved you. And still do.

I hope she can focus and read those words, but don't know if she will. What I do know is that my life was made richer for having her in it. She was the first adult to encourage me to do what I thought correct, and supported my education as best she could (egg money, she called it). Her love was unbreakable, as even after their divorce they lived in adjoining towns and saw each other a great deal before my Dad died. She was with him when he passed, and I know her Daughter was with her when she left us. Love is best seen in the eyes of another.

 

March 8, 2009

If you live in the US of A, did you remember to change your clocks? We 'lost' an hour last night, and dawn and sunset will be one hour later starting today. Tempus Fugit!

Happy Women's Day!

Years ago, I was in the former Soviet Union on this date, and went down to breakfast in my hotel in Moscow. Every woman I saw had a red carnation pinned on her, and as women entered the restaurant, they were handed a red carnation by the hostess. I enquired about the flowers, and learned that March 8 is celebrated in much of Europe as International Women's Day. What a great holiday, one where women are feted and honored. Not just Mothers, as most countries do, but all woman, girls too. A day to recognize the distaff gender, to toast to their uniqueness.

For years, I have heard women called 'the weaker sex'. Let's get one thing clear: giving birth is one hell of an experience, and nature correctly chose women for this task, as most men could not handle it. They say that the closest that a man can come to having the feelings surrounding birth is to pass a kidney stone. That's something I did a long time back, and wow oh wow, was that painful. I was wracked by pain for 2 days, and could not stand much of the time. Unbelievable pain shot through my entire body, rendering me non compis mentis(out of my mind) at times. When it was over, a nice nurse told me about the comparison of giving birth, and right there and then I knew that the 'weaker sex' was a label devised by men to ensnare women into thinking that men were stronger. Ha! Try giving birth to a bowling ball sometimes, fellas, and you'll get what I mean.

Without women, this would not be such a wonderful planet, and the presence of women improves and permits all of our lives. So take a moment or more today to honor the women in your life, and be thankful for their being. Without women, none of us would be here!

Happy Women's Day!

 

March 4, 2009

Two days of recovery from jet lag were just what I needed, as I awoke near my usual time (5AM+) and felt OK.

As much as I love travel, there were and probably will be moments when it gets a little dicey, and things don't go as planned. Isn't that just like life?

Making plans, forecasting, imagining, anticipating, we all do those things. But what do you do when your plans fail to materialize?

Contingency planning, what to do if your plans don't work out as you hoped they might, is your next best bet.

Some folks call it their 'fall-back' plan. Whatever you call it, it is always prudent to have one. Plan B, my Mom used to call it, and told me at some point that if she had not had a Plan B, she would have had a tougher time all around.

Case in point: The mechanical trouble with my flight to Dallas last Monday forced me to take the last flight of the day to JFK, where I got on the last flight to London Heathrow so that I could connect with the last flight to Berlin. Little did I know at the time that the baggage handlers in Berlin had called a wildcat strike Tuesday morning, and that earlier flights into Berlin were diverted to other airports, some as far away as Amsterdam. If I had been on the flight originally booked who knows when I would have arrived at my hotel? The next day at the earliest, to be sure.

The right thing always happens. Sure, I know, it can be nearly impossible to believe this statement, but give it a try. 'Man proposes, God disposes' someone once said. My power ends at my skin, is my belief, and everything else I have to leave up to God or Allah or Buddha or whatever. All I can do is to do my best, with my best effort and intention, and let what happens, happen.

Even though things may not go as you plan, go ahead with your plans, anyway. Life is an adventure, and the joy of living is in being, especially in the moment. Roll with the punches, as they say. You never know how well you'll roll until you try.

 

March 2, 2009

What time is it? Where? Who am I? Where am I?

oh yah, that's right, I am back home, as these furry bundles of cat love remind me. I can dimly recall yesterday, such a long day.

My last night in the wonderful city of Berlin was capped off in the most amazing way. Earlier in the week, I had bought tickets for Wini, Ed and I to see the Opera 'Faust'  by Gounod with Charles Castronovo and Marina Poplavskaya on Saturday night, and what a treat it was.(www.staatoper-berlin.org). I saw a photo of the set before the production began and was less than thrilled as it was so modern, with a pin-ball machine as a central prop. But was I ever wrong. It was fantastic, and the singing and the set and everything came together in the most delightful way. And the Opera House was beautiful with great acoustics. Truly a wonderful performance, and a great way to end my visit. I posted a photo of Wini and Ed taken at the Opera House. Such wonderful folks, and their my family! Ya-hoo!

The evening had started well enough, but on the way to meet Wini and Ed, woe is me, I lost my wallet. As I started to exit the taxi I had taken, the door suddenly opened and a guy tried to climb in while I was still sitting there, paying the driver. Somehow in the confusion, I lost my wallet with my money and credit cards. Major bummer...

Wini and Ed were understanding, and treated me to dinner and a transit ticket back to my hotel. Walking me back to the hotel, Ed made the comment that maybe the taxi driver had found my wallet and returned it. I was hopeful but a bit doubtful...and lo and behold, Got in Himmel, my wallet had been found and returned to the hotel. What an amazing relief, and such a comfort. Thanks to the kind taxi driver for saving my bacon, so to speak.

Up at 5AM, showered, packed and out the door at 5:45AM, into a waiting taxi and off to Tegel Airport and a swirling crowd and immediately through Security and onboard and off to Heathrow. That's where I hit another snag. Going through the tranfer line my carry-on bag was deemed too large, despite my protests that it had fit in the overhead storage for years. So there I was, having to go through Her Majesty's Customs and then back into the airport and yet another crowd in Terminal 3. Such a mess. Suddenly seized by an idea, I approached an American Airlines member of staff and asked about my luggage. The nice lady looked at it and told me it would be fine as carry-on...but all of this had taken nearly an hour and I had to rush to get to my flight to Los Angeles on time, and just made it, what with having to go through Security again.

Settling back in my nice Business Class seat (10B), I slept most of the way. Thank you American Airlines!

Into L.A. and zipping through Customs, I found that I had a small window of opportunity to make an earlier flight to SFO, but I really had to hustle. As tired as I was, I made it just in the nick of time. More thanks!

Arriving in SFO, met by Joe and home to the 'girls' and my bed. Such bliss. Such comfort. Such delight. Home Sweet Home!

Happy Birthday, Dr. Seuss!

 

February 28, 2009

Today is my day to explore on my own, and I have walked miles and miles today, exploring the city. Everywhere one turns, history abounds. And food...so many places to eat, so I have been snacking all day, enjoying the sights and the crowds and the sunny sky.

The most touching monument I have visited is the Holocaust Monument, hundreds, maybe thousands of grave sized granite slabs, some recessed and some not, near the Brandenburg Gate. So incredibly touching, to think about the lives lost because of a madman. Never again!

In talking with Wini, she confirmed a suspicion I have had for some time, that there is a Jewish strain in the German part of the family. Maybe this explains the feelings that arise in me when I think of the Holocaust, and a certain Catholic Priest who denies what happened...

There is so much to see, and I won't see it all, but what I have seen stands as a testament to the power of people to struggle and fight and die for freedom, for better lives for themselves and their children. Walking along today, passing kids playing, I am reminded time and again of the power of love, and the value of life

Berlin has been a gift to me, and is a gift to the world. We must all protect the freedoms we have and lead with our hearts and our courage and our determination, to make this world a better and kinder place.

Tomorrow will start about 5AM with a wake-up call, and a 7:30AM plane flight to London, a short two hour jump. Then time for breakfast at Heathrow before boarding my flight to Los Angeles, luckily in Business Class, where I plan on stretching out and catching up on my sleep. Then a short layover to go through Customs and off to my flight to San Francisco and my home and my loving partner Joe and our kitties. I can picture me now, falling asleep with three bundles of furry love surrounding me, welcoming me home.

They say that travel broadens ones horizons. This short trip has added much to my life, and has renewed my batteries. California, here I come!

 

February 26, 2009

Up early again and down to an excellent breakfast in the hotel. Then Wini came by and off we went to the Alte (Old) Museum to see the Egyptian Collection. Wow, what a collection. There were so many world famous objects on display it took my breath away. We were there for nearly three hours, and when we left I promised myself I will come back again.

We then walked over to the former East Berlin, to see the neighborhood that Wini grew up in. So much of Berlin was destroyed in WWII, nearly 80%, but here and there are some of the old buildings, scattered among the 'new'. Much of the former East Berlin has been remodeled, some of it quite nicely, some not so. History is all around.

After a full day, we took the subway back to their apartment and had a lovely dinner. Ed is quite the expert on Wagner, and I learned a great deal listening to him.

This family thing, finding my German relatives, is working out nicely. Wini and Ed have made me feel quite welcome, and having lived here over the years, off and on, they know the town quite well. Who would have thought that my family could make me feel so welcome? Certainly not I...but I am changing my opinion.

 

February 25, 2009

Up with the birds and into a hot shower, wow, how refreshing and warm and wonderful. Then down to breakfast and then Wini + Ed arrived and off we went, touring the town.

The history of Berlin is a long and sometimes sad one, but the sights and people of the city today are upbeat and lively. There are so many great museums, we spent the time just getting me oriented to the city. There are sightseeing tours, many, but we took a city bus and saw many of the sights. What a city! What a history!

In the evening we went to hear the Minneapolis Orchestra and Joshua Bell, and what great music that was. The Berlin audiences are big music fans and expressed their delight time and again. As an encore, Mr. Bell played  'an old folk tune' which turned out to be Yankee Doodle Dandy, and  I have never heard such beautiful music, it brought a tear to my eye, and I suspect I wasn't alone. A lovely evening and the end to a lovely day.

 

February 24, 2008

Yesterday was such a mess...got back to SFO and got on the last flight to JFK which was packed to the gills but the service was OK, then arriving at JFK only to make it to my London flight just as boarding started, another packed flight. Luckily I had upgraded to Business Class so I could stretch out and sleep all the way there. Arriving in London Heathrow and an airport that was crowded with folks and luggage and lots of crying kids. Unfortunately I didn't make the early flight to Berlin, so I had time to look around Terminal 5 and have a nice lunch. Then off to British Airways and a quick two hour flight to Berlin, arriving in the rain.

A fast taxi to my hotel (www.nhhotels.com) and into my room, only to get a message from my cousin Wini asking me to join them for dinner. Berliners like to shop, drink and eat, from the number of businesses supporting these activities.

We had a great meal, Wini and Ed and I, and made plans for the next day. There is much to see and do in this town. As jet lag was catching up with me, I headed off to my hotel and my bed, very tired. A long travel day comes to an end.

 

February 23, 2009 UPDATE

As Robert Burns wrote 'The best laid plans of mice and men...Gang aft agley.' Such would apply to the day I am having today, oy vay!

Left the house a little late, got to airport in plenty of time (22 minutes) and kiss and go and into a terminal crawling with people, lots and lots and lots of them, and they all have luggage and some of it is huge and wow - so very many people. This does not look good. So I walk over the the electronic kiosks that American provides. Follow instructions and then the screen say that an Agent has to come verify my Passport and then, after a couple of minutes, the screen goes back to the welcome screen. OK, let's try this one more time and the right thing happens.

And the right thing in this case is to go stand in a very long line and wait my turn and then the nice agent, shout out to Terri!, says oh she's sorry but my plane to Dallas has a mechanical problem, and the best she can do to get me to Berlin is to route me to New York Kennedy connecting to the last flight to London arriving in London too late to get my original flight to Berlin but there is one more flight that will get me into Berlin a little after 6PM, about 4 hours later than planned. The right thing always happens, I think in my head, and take the boarding passes she hands me (the ticket jacket is gone at AA) and wander over and mull my options. I decide to go on into the airport and cool my heels there. The right thing always happens.

WTF! Pardon my language, but once past Security (Thank You Clear.com, such a breeze and well worth the time v money if one flies enough) I am in a sea of humanity, and this is not the well traveled set, as folks just stand and see you coming and turn away and then do not move so you have to ask them to move and Wham! attitude...and there are too many people. The right thing always happens?

The energy builds up in me, and I start trying to go where people aren't, and there is no place like that. There are even lines for stalls in the Men's room. And the noise level is deafening, this is not a good place for me to be. The right thing always happens!

Flipping open my cell phone, I call and voila and viola, Joe is there and then he is really there, right where he dropped my off just under an hour ago. Back to the house and four hours to fill and here I am, blogging. 

and the right thing is to trust and go forward with love in your heart. Nothing is certain in this life, and we must roll with the punches, or go down because of them.

gotta run, must check and see what AA has to say about my next departure. All the best!

 

February 23, 2009

Up and at 'em early this morning, no time to waste, as there is a big silver bird at SFO waiting to take me on my way to Berlin this morning.

Staying up and watching the Oscar telecast last night, packing and laughing and enjoying the show, even though I did not see any of the nominated movies this year, except Kung-fu Panda, and that was on a plane somewhere. But the stars and the gowns and jewels and performances were wonderful, as always, to see. And the concept this year, like a very private club with all the luminaries down front, made for some great camera shots.

And then a fast sleep and no alarm clock waking me up, just three sweet kitties who sensed it was time for me to get into gear and get up and moving. Having traveled more than two million miles by air, the routine of air travel can still throw me the occasional curve, like the time I forget to take a belt or the time I wore felt clogs only to realize it when I got to security...such fun. So now, I make a list and check it twice(sound familiar?) and am deliberate as I pack. Some things can be purchased if you forget them, some not.

I remember once watching a woman in line to check in suddenly discover that her passport was at home. Oh, the anguish and hysterics, and the scramble and fury to solve her problem. Passport, check. Shoes, check. Money, check, and it's an E-ticket so that problem is solved already. Wonder if I'll forget something this time? I hope not...oh yah, my belt...

Well, enough plunking on this keyboard, better get back on the go and get my poop in a group. It will be a long day or two to get to Berlin, as I must transit Dallas/Ft. Worth and London Heathrow before my third flight, this one to Berlin. Thanks to the benefit of miles in my frequent flyer account, I have been upgraded to First and then Business classes on American Airlines, and the bump to Berlin on British Airways, although in Economy, should be just fine. Being six feet 2 inches tall, nearly two hundred pounds, I don't always fit so well in Coach, and am glad, oh so glad, that my use of American has given me the benefit of an upgrade.

So off I go, hi ho, and am really looking forward to chilling in Berlin. Should be easy as it is snowing there...alles gut!

 

February, 22, 2009

Fear is such a stumbling block here on Earth, have you noticed? I have yet to meet anyone fearless. I have met many brave people, and many that were surprised by how brave they had been, and everyone of them had fear.

A dear, brave woman I know recently wrote me this: When fear paralyzes you, it inhibits your transformation...we are souls on this planet with a primary goal of transformation. Having awareness of our fears is our first step toward mastering them, enabling us to move on from there. Only then can we risk to reach a deeper level of consciousness by trusting the Divine Process of our lives.- Nahara Mau

wow - that kinda puts it right where it belongs, on us. Each of us is, after all, the captain of our own little ship of fate, no?, and we as individuals determine, by our thoughts, words and actions, how we want our lives to be.

For years and years I struggled, and still do, with my fears. As I examined my fears, I sought to see where I had learned them. Was I replicating behavior? or was I expressing an authentic facet of my self, my being?

Fear is learned.

As children, we are like blank pages in a book, and along comes life and parents and kin and kith and before you know it, you are in a morass of unfamiliar territory and little glory, and it is fearful and we learn to fear.

I have spent decades of my life learning about my fears, so that they do not cripple me, and to this day wage that battle when it arises. There are some days when I can get so worked up about something that I am reluctant to leave my room, let alone my house. If I let it, my fear can do a full-court press, as they say in basketball (bb) circles, and slam me to the ground. It is clear to me then that I have two choices: to let it win and stiffle me and make my life so much less, or not letting it win, not giving in to it, and then, after taking many deep breaths - I am pushing against it and pushing pushing pushing until it gives up, and it always does, as fear is not authentic, it is learned.

Today I will work with my fears, and turn them to love. Thanks, Nar! XO!

 

February, 20, 2009

Today has been a long work day, as I started at 7AM and am still working and it is after 6PM, eleven hours and counting.

Somedays are easier than others, and being thankful for them as they come along has helped me to bear these longer days when there is work, oh so much work, to be done.

Years ago, I met a woman who did not have to work due to an inheritance from a rich relative. She spent her days doing as she pleased, reading, walking, shopping, travelling, whatever she liked. She always seemed a bit detached, a bit distracted, sometimes to the point of not being in the same room with others. Folks started to comment on her behavior, until one of them at a gathering asked her directly how she was doing and why she appeared so bored with us. She started to cry, and then began to sob. We gathered around her, comforting her, offering words of encouragement. She blurted out that she was bored almost all of the time, and felt like she was wasting her time and her life. She went on to tell us how she admired us, how she wished that she had a life that felt worth living. Shortly after this, she was offered a job at a friends flower shop, and took it. From the start, she jumped right in and loved it, and proved herself to be a good, capable worker. Later she opened a plant store, which she has to this day, 30 plus years later.

Not all of us get to do what we love. What is important is that we love ourselves living our life, and those we are close to.

Some years ago, a friend gave me a bumper sticker that said 'Honor Labor'. He was a member and still is, of a labor Union here in the States. At the time I had some stupid, boring job, and each day dragged myself to work only to feel like a tiny cog in a vast, uncaring wheel. Each day, my fellow workers and I would complain among ourselves about the dumb ideas foisted on us by the management, and the crummy way we were all treated. One day, a woman I knew had a melt-down at work and told her boss that what he wanted her to do was a bad idea. He blew up at her and yelled and made quite a scene, so much so that work came to a halt as we all listened to their discussion. The boss insisted she do as he directed, she resisted but gave in, did as he asked and was promptly injured by what she had been directed to do. She sued and got quite a settlement, the boss lost his job, new safety rules were posted everywhere for all to see, and management began a weekly discussion meeting with all interested employees. Productivity improved, attitude improved, and the profits of the company improved. What had been a lousy place to work became a sought after employer. What a change.

The Egyptian hiroglyph for human is an arm, bent at the elbow, palm up. It is literally read as 'I serve'. That's what we all do, each and every day, whether we work or not. We serve, and the gift of time is ours to spend as we choose.

Let us celebrate time well spent, lives well spent, satisfaction and completion and a job well done and a life well lived. That is what each of us wants and can achieve, if we set our intention and apply effort and focus.

 

February 19, 2009

Shortly, I will be taking a retreat / vacation, starting on Monday, February 23rd. After years of being and living with myself,  I have learned to 'take some time away' and relax. As I am wont to want to travel to cities I have never been to, this retreat will be to the city of Berlin, Germany. Part of the reason also is to visit with my cousin Winifried, who I met last September at the Boeckh Family Reunion, and her husband Ed, who I have not yet met. Combining retreat time with vacation time, something new for me.

Life is like that, trying the new, the unknown. Time after time, life puts in front of us new experiences, new moments of being, and each and every one of those moments is an opportunity to change and grow, to keep becoming the new and improved self.

It is all too easy to go on autopilot, and to stop thinking about doing something different, as we trudge through our days. Countless times I have seen folks who are not all there, in the moment, mindless and removed, detached and unthinking. I have learned to help them wake up, gently, to the moment that we are sharing, usually to their spoken thanks. Zoning out, I have heard it called. What about zoning in?

Moment by moment, second by second, minute by minute, you get the idea. That is how life is given to us.

The challenge to living a good life is to love yourself and to share that love. Regardless of what happens. In sharing your authentic love, you will truly be living and alive, and will create an experience that is timeless.

 

February 16, 2009

Just a few moments ago, as I was working on my genealogy, I had more than fourteen thousand, wowow 14,000, people in my family tree.

For me, this is just amazing, as most of my life I have not had many wonderful times with family members, and now, what with all the research that has been done by dedicated researchers, Thank you all so very much, I have family members all over the world. Many of the connections have been wonderfully surprising, such as the African American and Hispanic connections and all of the wonderful folks in those parts of my tree, and the German connections and those wonderful folks. To have total strangers reach out in friendship and kindness has truly been an uplifting force in my life.

Oh, to be sure, there have been some clinkers as well, like the cousin who only writes me when she wants something, or the cousin who wants to help me sell my house because he is convinced the US is about to collapse, but these are the rare ones, and the majority of folks that I have been in touch with have been decent, nice people. Family is, after all, a mixed bag.

What I have learned from all of this is to be true to myself, to be kind and understanding, but at no time to do or say anything that does not feel right to me. By setting this limit on my behavior I have avoided a couple of unpleasant moments, and have been able to maintain cordial relationship with difficult individuals. 

Having family is not something that all of us share, and to those without family I encourage you to open your hearts to the good and loving people that life puts in your path. The old saw - you can choose friends but you're stuck with family still holds true. These relationships of family are there for us to work with and through, and by our interactions maybe, just maybe, we can help people to change for the better. It is worth the effort.

 

February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day! Happy Lupercalia! Happy Love!

This has got to be one of the best days of the year, when love is celebrated. Have you noticed that Valentine's Day has spread world-wide? I have seen Valentine's Day decorations in Bangkok and Singapore on this date in previous years, and even the gloom of the economy nowadays can't hobble this cultural holiday.

A day to celebrate something that every human being is capable of - feeling love.

Once we feel love, as tiny babies, part of our being is infused with the wonder and magic and delight that love holds for us, both in it's giving and receiving. From those moments, life grows.

I personally do not think there is too much love in the world, and have come to believe that the one singular and unique thing that we do here on Earth is to love, for the love that we give to those in our life is transformative and life affirming, uplifting and noble. Our very best.

Recently, I saw a poll online that asked "What is more important to you: stuff or experience." The greater majority at the time voted in favor of experience. Love is an experience.

One of the most common mistakes that we make as people is to withhold love when we are upset and/or angry. It is at these times that we need love, our spirit is starving for love. To have love withheld at this point, our spirit is crushed.

'Come from love', someone said to me once, when all I wanted to do was get angrier and rageful. After I displaced some of my anger by punching sand at the beach, I could feel my ability to and desire for love, and engaged with love in my heart. It went better after that, and what could have been a nightmarish situation became uncharged and easier. 

Love is wonderful and transformative, it can heal you if you let it. Let love touch you today, and touch others with your love. Make the world a more loving and better place, and watch love grow and spread.

Here's to Love!  

 

February 12, 2009

Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, I thought for a second about writing my blog in the morning, and about Darwin and Lincoln sharing a birthday and isn't that a co-incidence and on and on.

Instead, I woke up to a text message that a woman I have known had passed over in the early hours of this day back East. Esther was a calligrapher, a woman, wife and Mother to her six children, and a lovely soul, that is now free of pain and her old broken down body, as she had lived her 80 years pretty fully, and was ready to go.

Gods speed, dear lady, you will be missed and remembered and loved.

 

February 10, 2009

Working on my ancestry at www.ancestry.com, I have learned some amazing things about my ancestors, what a crowd, now more than thirteen thousand, yep, 13,000 names and places and times and lives. I had no idea one of my connections, by marriage, was Booker T. Washington.

At www.familytreedna.com, I have learned about my DNA and my genetic ancestry. I had no idea I was part Hispanic. Ay carumba!

That old saying, that one 'cannot judge a book by its cover', is still true. As I have looked into my history, both ancestral and genetic, I have had several opportunities, with more to come, of meeting connections in this life. So many differing people, so many different lives. Some of them, many more than I would have imagined, cut short, lives that ended in childhood, some tragically. In learning about those that went before me, and in part are part of my connection on this planet, and let me tell you, there are some doozies! in my family tree, and they all are important to me. Since I have been looking into my connections, I have learned things about myself that have amazed me. Booker T and me? How cool, as he was a hero of mine when I learned of him as a child, and he looked so interesting in the photographs I saw. Right now, I'm trying to learn about my Hispanic connection, as I think it comes from my Mother's Father, and he was an elusive character born in the Arizona Territory in the 1800's. There is much to learn.

Folks tell me that I sure do not look or act my age, which I have learned is usually a compliment, not all the time, though. I think part of my youthfullness is my desire to learn more about the world I live in, as the more that I have learned up to now has served me well. There is always something new under the sun, I have found, and the answers to our questions lie in our moving forward, in engaging in life and living and the lot of it, the whole bloody thing. 'Just do your best, darling' - a line from a British sitcom. When I heard it that first time I laughed at the juxtiposition of the words and the actions, but the words stuck, and I try to do 'just' that as best I can. It's a daily effort, and the rewards that it brings are well worth the effort. Being authentically, genuinely happy is a wonderful state of being.

Live your life as best as you can.

 

February 9, 2009 (later)

Nine candles down...and none to go...so's I know...wow, what a load off! When I lit the first candle, for a minor annoyance that stuck to me like glue, lesson learned (knock wood), I felt a rush of lightness, a clearing in my chest and on my shoulders, and I took a deep breath. The breath after that was even sweeter. As the day has gone along, until just a few minutes ago, and kept lighting my candles and remembering the rot that was done me, and a time or two, I felt a shiver through my body as I recalled the circumstances of my feelings. As each candle has burned out, I have felt lighter and brighter and righter.

There are 'stinkers' out there in the lands of the bi-peds, our fellow mans, and we need to learn to recognize them.

Always trust your physical reaction to people you meet. If it or they do not feel good, recognize this feeling and give it attention. Do not trick yourself.

Life is a school, it has been said countless times, and yet somedays it feels like the first day of school, my wonderment for all to see.

February 9, 2009

Today is a special day for me, as it is the day when I get to displace bad energy from last year. And let me tell you, I have been looking forward to this day since early last year...

Today is 2/9/2009 - see the number sequence? This is a day unlike any other in this year due to its numerics. To be sure, there are special days like this in every year, something I discovered for myself years ago. When I saw this sequencing, I decided that I would use it as a day to get out any of the baggage, emotional and otherwise, that the previous year gave me.

'Into each life some rain must fall' - I know that this is true, but sometimes it decidedly feels like I am under a faucet, or worse. It is the energy from those times last year that I blow out this year. And that is a bit of clue as to how I will dispose of the negative energy that is still with me from 2008. For each and every event that caused me pain, anger, hurt, turmoil, whatever negative feeling, today I will light a candle for each of them. Each event will receive the proper sized candle, and there are a couple of big ones that I bought for a couple of terrible times last year just for the occasion.

There will be 9 candles this day, each of them a reminder to me that there are events that will occur here on Earth that are signs that this is not yet the Garden of Eden as mentioned in history, and that my job here is to go forward as unemcumbered as I can manage to achieve. There is an old story I heard as a child from a woman neighbor, who said that the true story of humanity is to keep re-incarnating until the Earth becomes a Garden of Eden. If that story is true, we all have a ways to go.

That isn't to say that some great and glorious things didn't happen last year, for sure they did. But let's face it, there were some crappy things that happened to us all last year, and we all had some garbage dumped on us in 2008. Choose a method of displacement, of getting that negative energy out of yourself, and follow through on freeing yourself from bad influences and energies. It is the rest of your life that hangs in the balance, and what good will it do to carry around the weight of badness that life can deliver? Get it out of you! Free yourself and choose a better path, a higher path.

Happy Purge!

 

February 7, 2009

Well, I finally did it, after weeks of looking and reading and asking folks and learning as much as I could. There were so many choices from which to choose, and different places that I could have gone to, and just when I would think I had made up my mind, some new data would reach me and make me re-evaluate my choice. The factor that pushed me to a decision in the end was price, plain and simple. So, now I have a new computer, one with a nice, big 22 inch display that can be rotated if the need arises. It's really quite a cool thing, and makes me think back on all the computers I have known, starting with the one at UCLA that was the size of the building that held it. Wow, how time changes things...

On the subject of time, this past month has seen little Miss Mollie continue to recover from her kidney incident, and she has finally come around to eating the food that is given her now, which was quite a struggle. She is a very stubborn individual, and repeatedly let me know that the new food was not to her liking. Persistance, coupled with love and patience, finally won her over and she now accepts the new food, although every once in a while she gives me this look that is a bit unnerving...

My partner Joe's parents, Walt and Geri, have been with us this past week, visiting from their farm in northwest Iowa. Of their five kids, Joe is the only one living out West, and coming to San Francisco is always a bit of an adventure for them, especially as we live in the Castro District of the City, which can be somewhat X rated from time to time. I remember their first visit, years ago, when we were walking up to catch a trolley car on Market Street. As we made our way up the block, coming down the street was a 6 foot plus drag queen, decked out in red sequin ball gown and towering blond wig. As he passed us he said 'Hello', and to my amazement both Walt and Geri greeted him warmly. A little later I heard them whispering and overheard Geri say how beautiful his dress had been. Ah, San Francisco, where the men is pretty and the women sometimes have to fight them for dresses...

This afternoon is the Chinese New Year parade, with the new dragon that the City now has. Not sure that we will be in the throng of folks at the parade as crowds are not enjoyed by my in-laws, but I know for sure that we will sample some great Chinese food. Happy New Year to you and yours, may this year of the Ox be a good one for you and yours.

 

February 1, 2009

Happy February!

This is one of my favorite months, filled the world over with meaning and indications, and has been the time of countless predictions, even here in America and Groundhog Day, our own contribution to the cultural melange that is our world. In Finnish this month is called helmikuu which means month of the pearl as this is when snow and ice begin to melt and form drops that look like pearls when they land on the snow below them. Finding a pearl is a special gift from the gods and goddesses of Winter of good fortune and wellness. The english February comes from an old Latin word, februum, meaning purification. A month of some gravity and a good chance to change.

As the days get longer, I am reminded of the good fortune that I live in, and am heartened by the positive around me. Those of us who have been ill are returning to wellness, and this is a good thing as I have always started my Spring Cleaning at the beginning of this month. Starting early gives me a longer time in which to get into gear, as it were, and really clean up my surroundings. Getting rid of clothes I no longer where, shoes too, coats, the lot of it. Old skins, shed and shedded. Time to let them find new folks and lives and move away from me. At I pare down the scatter, I can begin to see a fresher, more healthy environment, and one that usually needs a good scrubbing to make it perfect. Add flowers and enjoy. So that's what I'll be up to today, sprucing up the joint and inviting in some satisfying energy, making my home feel just that, my home.

By the by, hereabouts there is a new offering I'd like to mention: L.I.F.E. T-shirts are now available through www.heikkie.com, and make great gifts to you and others. Please do check them out. Made of a very good quality cotton, expertly printed with durable inks, and a great way of sharing your intentions with the world. Turquoise on light grey, Small, Medium, Large and Extralarge available. I hope you enjoy them and wear them in the finest.

 

January 30, 2009

I have been recovering from the 'flu, and it has been quite a road, there and back.

Elsewhere on this website I have written about numbers and the importance that I see in them, that each number 1 through 9, has a meaning that can be perceived by experience, as one learns about the world one lives in and on. In numerology, as the study of numbers is called, if you take the numbers of your birthday and add them up, you will arrive at your special number. Like this: Let's say you were born January 30, 2009. 1 (January) + 30 (the date) + 2009 (year). 1+30=4 + 11 = 6. Everybody has a number all their own.

I am a 1 in this system, and as such am influenced, pun intended, by that number. If I look back over the January's that I've lived, I can clearly see that each January brings some unforeseen element into my life, changing what I had planned. Getting sick these past 10 days (note coincidence) has been a reminder of the old saying 'Man proposes, God disposes', and that even though I had not planned it, I was given many days to appreciate what my life is about, and to spend time 'flat on my back' doing nothing more than tending to my physical wellness. Doing nothing but sleeping, for hours at a time. Many days more than 10 hours at a time. Able to do nothing, so tired and congested and achey and icky.

Now that I am on the road to wellville, and there is a Lunar New Year to celebrate, and Mercury is turning direct, I am feeling propelled to move forward in my life, and to meet the challenges that this year will bring. Mercury appears to being going in reverse at this time, and will appear to start moving in conjunction with all the other planets, as usual, on January 31, 2009 at 11:11PM. If you 'do the numbers' you will see that the number for this moment in time is 11, said by ancients to be a powerful, positive number. I plan on using this Saturday night to celebrate, in some fashion, the energy of  creation, of positivity, to imbue my lfe with this energy, and to remind myself that the life I live is a gift.

 

January 26, 2009

Happy Lunar New Year! In the Chinese calendar, this is the year of the ox. The forecast is for a slow and steady year, when one should avoid being too slow and plodding, but deliberate and determined, just like an ox. For you oxen in the crowd, this will be a wonderful year, and the rest of us will do well to follow your example. Prosperity through hard work.

San Francisco, with it's large Chinese population, celebrates this holiday with foods and festivals, and a great parade on the 7th of February this year. Chinatown is filled to overflowing with parties and the streets are crowded with folks out buying gifts for the new year. If you're here in town, try to get by, as it is quite fun, and the restaurants serve special foods at this time of the year that are out of this world.

Gung Hay Fat Choy (Happy New Year)! Again! Another chance to start the year on a fresh, new footing.

 

January 22, 2009

Happy Birthday, Graham Kerr!  He was such an influence when his television show about cooking came to the US in the late '60's, he was funny and quite a cook, even though there was nothing light about his cuisine. He was the first man I remember with a cooking show, and was fun and funny and entertaining. And he loved wine, and always featured it in his shows. Today there are cooks galore on TV, and even channels dedicated to cooking, but his shows will always be remembered for their light-hearted approach to a man in the kitchen.

I remember as a kid, watching my Mom in the kitchen, how easy she made food appear. I asked her to teach me, which she did when she and I had time. My first effort was boiling an egg, learning how one minute too little or too much made such a huge difference. She told me that learning how to cook would help me later in life, and wow, was she right. My first roommate didn't know how to cook, and the food he made was terrible, almost unedible. Even his dog wouldn't eat it. Having learned a little bit from my Mom helped me to learn more, and by the time Graham Kerr came along, I was pretty good. Then I moved to Paris and started classes at the Ecole de Cuisine, and learned that I had a lot more to learn. Compared to some of my classmates, I was inept, and practiced daily to improve.

Part of working in food was to take a job in a restaurant, and it was there that I learned that I did not have the temperment for the job. The chefs I worked with were difficult, demanding men, and made my job a misery. It didn't matter whether I was in the kitchen or on the floor, it was a hard, demanding job driven by hard, demanding people. I came to respect those who toiled in the food industry, and do to this day.

 

January 20, 2009

I hope you had a chance to witness the transfer of power in this country, the United States. Quite uplifting, and the photos of the first luncheon were something, what with all the ruling people of this country, was stirring. Hooray for the rededication of our citizenry, and a new and better America.

My Goddaughter, Maleka, is there in Washington, DC, along with her school class, lucky girl. She is a perfect example of this America, born in China, adopted, and raised in California, quite a blending of the world and its peoples. She reaffirms that this country is comprised of many differing parts of the worls, of differing races, classes, situations. The America we give our children is the one that matters, not any other version.

Here comes change, a new Administration, new people in new places, old people in new places, new people in old places, and old people in old places. All with a new direction to follow, to accomplish. A new leader, a man who is a clear indication of the power and right of America.

Here's to hope, audaciously.

 

January 16, 2009

Talk about proof! Yesterday afternoon, in NYC, on the Hudson River, a man named Chesley Sullenberger and his crew on that US Airways (www.usairways.com) flight showed us all just how wonderful this life can be. As the pilot of a doomed jetliner, Captain Sully, as he's called, made the command decision, and using his knowledge of both jet and glider aircraft, as a pilot of both types, glided his Airbus jet to a safe, stable landing on a river, saving 154 lives besides his own. What a hero! What a tale to tell! What a great example of how to be a great human being! Wow!

 

January 15, 2009

Looking at the entry below reminds me that sometimes one can forget and slip back to the old year from the new...so easily...

Sorry for having disappeared from these parts, but we were off to celebrate the 21 anniversary of our first date. Oh, I admit it, I am a SNAG, a Sensitive New Age Guy, and a bit of a Romantic.

Our first date, after meeting in Boston that previous December, was to meet again in New York City, Manhattan, USA, crossroads of the world. It was a frigid January then and now, and it was magical. As we explore the Big Apple, we have stayed at some quite odd and interesting places (www.hotelchelsea.com) or the safe (www.hyatt.com) and this time at the Algonquin Hotel (www.algonquinhotel.com). What an historic hotel, long associated with writers and the literary world, and this time our home for 3 nights. Very wonderful, right down to the cat in the lobby.

What helped was knowing that the nearly round the clock care our cat Molly was receiving back home in San Francisco made our travel, booked long before her kidney issues, guilt and worry free, thanks to some wonderful care givers. I had planned this trip as a surprise for Joe, as I had purchased tickets to a benefit for the Roundabout Theatre Company (www.roundabouttheatre.org) for a performance with Natasha Richardson, Victor Garber, Christine Baranski, and Vanessa Redgrave. Wow, what a performance of "A Little Night Music". Fantastic!

I am one of those folks that loves culture found the world over, and New York City is a melange of just about everything of the planet, it seems to me. The foods and goods on offer bring the world to ones feet, and the sights and sounds are like no where else. It is amazing to see what we can do as a species. We really are quite capable of creating achingly beautiful things, sights that bring tears to the eyes. And yes, if you are looking for the appaling, you can find it there too. As for me, I prefer to look up, glancing down and scanning ahead before lifting my eyes and my sight back up. New York makes looking up such a cool thing.

And from those heights, one can look down on the city as well, and revel in the pulse of it, like a living, breathing creature of its own, so alive it crackels. If you let it and yourself, you can have a great time there, it does not take a big purse, so to speak, to have a good time. Just walking along and in Central Park lifted my spirits, and the snow swirling and falling, cradling the world in a soft, white, gentle blanket, and the feeling of peace and joy that sprung up in my throat touches me still.

If you let it, this is a wonderful world.

 

January 9, 2008

Knock or touch wood, little Miss Molly Anastasia continues to improve, as do all of the souls and spirits in this scatter we call home.

From the information I take in from the world at large, via TV and the internet and folks I talk with, there is a great deal of change swirling around right now, most attribute it to last Fall and the events at that time, and cite today all of the changes that are taking place daily. Change is a funny thing, a perfect example of the duality that is the driving engine of all that is life as we know it. Change can be good and bad, and the part of us that struggles with change is the ego. We love good change and dread bad change, and are powerless at points in our lives to sway events as they occur.

So what does one do about change?       EMBRACE IT     That may strike as a bit confusing, when ones feet want to go in the other direction, to get away from change. By working with change, by accepting it as a fact of life, the turbulence of fighting truth will subside and one will begin to feel better, and the more one learns to trust in life, the better.

Fighting change is a difficult, scary thing. I have seen so many folks fight and struggle against change, and lose in the end, sometimes quite badly. I advise against fighting change.

A woman I knew used this analogy: If your confronted with a mob coming toward you, join the mob and lead the parade as you figure out what to do next. Her thinking was that change in inevitable and that it is part of life and one must accept it, like it or not. She was quite a figure, a woman who had survived two World Wars and the lose of her husband and oldest son, and most of her family by the time I got to know her in the 70's. To this day, I remember her sage and kind advice, and thank her for sharing her wisdom with me.

Live and share yours

 

January 8, 2009

'Drink your juice, Shelby'

That line from the movie 'Steel Magnolias' came to me this morning as I worked to wrap a little black cat in a towel so that I could feed her some organic pumpkin to help clean out her bowels and rid her of toxics brought on by her kidney issues.

There have been times in the past few days, when the sadness and helplessness of Mollie's condition have stopped me in my tracks and reduced me to tears. I have let those feelings wash through me, allowing this turbulent malestrom of feelings inside me to flow, taking me with it.

Once these feelings have subsided, I get back up and go back to doing what life asks of me, whether it is work or chores or whatever. And when it comes to taking care of the cats, I am filled with fierce love, a love that knows that illness is a struggle for all involved, and is one of the trials we have here on this hard little rock, flying through space. Bundling up this little black cat so she can be fed is part of that love, and she goes along with my program for a while, and then lets me know she is through, and off we go back to her bed or for faucet or whatever she wants. Cats are not that easy to read at times, as I am sure most cat lovers know.

Thanks to all who have written and phoned with your prayers and best wishes. There is a very direct and positive action in prayer, and Molly continues to improve, day by day, knock wood and thank you G-d and all who care.

 

January 5, 2009

Welcome to the first Monday of the New Year. Some of us will want to roll over in bed, some will slink from bed, others will haul themselves out of bed and just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and some will not even give it a moment in the mind. As for me, I am glad to see this day come, and to know and trust and feel the world moving forward, wobbly and unsure and sometimes painful, but forward, at whatever pace.

Around here, we had friends from England come stay with us starting on Boxing Day, December 26. Having visitors allows me a chance to go and see parts of my city that I don't always get to. This time it was the Academy of Sciences (www.calacademy.org) in Golden Gate Park. What a great place, and so educational. We spent the better part of the day there, seeing all the exhibits, and there is so much to see. The rain forest part of the building is amazing, the birds and butterflys, and even ants! So much to see and learn, and sometimes to do, too. It's a good thing there is food and drink available, so one is not overcome by hunger and thirst after passing so much time, lost in the beauty and complexity of our world.

Now, this first Monday, I am back at my desk, going through the mail, both snail and 'net, starting to answer folks who've written in while I was on Holiday. Having the time from Christmas Day to the first of January to relax, recharge, and regroup has given me a good start for this year, as it kicked into high gear as I came home from taking our friends to SFO for their flight back to London, when I discovered Mollie, our middle girl, ill. Watching her through the day and night convinced me in the morning to take her to her vet, but his offices are closed and so to a vet clinic her Doctor suggested. There we learned that she has kidney failure, and at age 12 is not a well kitty. She has been at the hospital, receiving fluid therapy, to remove toxins in her system, and hopefully to get her kidneys in a better state. Mollie is affectionate and alert, and we hope today to be able to bring her home, where she can join her older 'sister' Maddie, who also has kidney issues, as well as Edy, her junior and play-mate. Prayerfully, with fingers crossed, I go forward. Love Intention Focus Effort - LOVE - it is the best that any of us can do.

Welcome to this first Monday, may it be a good one for you and yours.

 

January 3, 2009

Waking up this morning, starting my first working day of the new year, I was surprised to find that my back was a bit stiff, and that it took a while for it to feel better. A hot shower helped, as did some food and some mindful time, relaxing.

One of the challenges here on Earth is to deal with having a physical body, what with all the maintenance, feeding, grooming, exercising and more. In my mindful time earlier, as I reviewed the past several days, leading up to New Year Day, it came to me that I had not been exercising very much, and perhaps that was the underlying cause of my back stiffness. So exercise I did, and lo and behold, I felt better afterward. And still do. A gentle reminder from the Universe, my back was, prodding me to return to my routine, the one that includes exercise.

2009 adds up to 11. This number, to Numerologists, is a powerful, dynamic number, and is known to bring change. Considering who the USA will have as President in just a few weeks, and the change in Administration that follows the Inauguration, eleven seems very fitting for this year, no?

Happy New Year! Let's make it a good one!

 

January 1, 2009

Happy New Year!

 

December 31, 2008

Well, here it is, the end of the old year, the leap into the next at midnight. Most years, frankly, I've slept through the moment of year change, snug in me bed, and this year brings a change to my routine - I will be out carousing - going hither and thither - with returns to home base during today. I am out the door, early, to my gym for a good workout, then home and dressed and out into the City, downtown, in town, maybe even out of town, no big plan, just a desire to mingle 'with the mungle', as my Gram said.

Such a year it has been, one of such lows and lowers, and highs and highers, too. As I reflect on the year I have just lived, it is clear that my attitude has much to do with the quality of my life. I have learned, ever more so, to minimize and distance myself from the negative things in life, whether it is the steady stream of news and information, or people and places and stuff. In the coming year, I will continue to reduce, where I can, that which robs me of spirit and love. I know that there are folks who just want to 'mess' with me and you, and in the New Year I will be open eyed to those new folks I meet, if only at a glance, and will continue to work on my somatic 'bull-s^*t meter', and trust myself and the power of love.

May the New Year bring out in you your best side, one that you can share with the world at large, as well as yourself. To the kind, be kind, to the less kind, be kinder. Remember what Mr. Obama said -Yes we can. Let us hope and pray that those of us working toward a positive future are encouraged along the way of the New Year, and that we never lose sight of the power of love.

Wishing each and every one of you a Blessed, Well, and Happy New Year, with Love.

 

December 30, 2008

As I started to celebrate the New Year this morning when I awoke, I went to see the sunrise. The sky was pink and blue and gold, the air was crisp and fresh, with a hint of the sea in it, all was quiet and peaceful. There has always been something about a sunrise that cheers me, that lifts my spirit. I think it has to do with the idea and fact of having a new day to live in, to be in, to become. For years, as a student of this planet, I listened to languages around the world, and learned a bit about them. It struck me one day, when I thought of what we call ourselves, human beings. Beings, I thought, sounds transitive, change positive, fluid, being, as opposed to been or be or become, being, in the now, current and fresh. Just like a new day at dawn.

Tomorrow I will make a list of the bad things that happened this year that effected me, to burn in the New Year. I will make a list of those souls that have crossed over to the realm of the dead, and write each of them a letter in the New Year to float away on a helium balloon. I will make a list of all my faults, as I know them, to keep in the New Year. I will make a list of my accomplishments, as I know them, to remind myself when my esteem and spirit lag. I will make a list of names of those who wronged me in this year, so that I may spend some time in the New Year wishing them well, and thanking them in the New Year for the lesson I learned from each of them. Lastly, I will make a list of the things that I wish to do, to learn, to understand, to have, to give, to be, to become, in the New Year. This list I keep on my alter in the New Year.

The New Year is a chance for us to begin, again, to start fresh. It is possible to change overnight, with the correct intention, focus and effort. I believe that we can become more than we are, through the pure and healing power of love, love for self, and love for others. One cannot give something that one does not have to give. If one does not love oneself, one cannot love another fully.

One last night in the Old Year. I had best get busy with my lists.

 

December 29, 2008

Happy Almost here New Year!

Can you believe it, it's here already, year end and year beginning. Seems like just yesterday...

When I was young, I went to live with my Mom's Mom for a few weeks, in Bishop, CA, such a pretty part of the world. Check out www.google.com/earth. There was one morning when she woke up and came into the living room where I was playing, and exclaimed how she felt she had just put herself to bed and here it was, morning already. 'Time flies' she said.

As I have gotten along in years, I have come to understand the wisdom of her words, and to make time more of a friend of mine. There is nothing that I can do to change the speed at which time flows over me and our world, so the only recourse that I have is to make good use of my time.

The Egyptians, who, like most early peoples were searching for order in the chaos that life appears to be, set aside the last 5 days of their year of 360 days, for celebration, a time of not working, of sleeping late and relaxing the day away. When I first learned of this concept years ago, I decided that I would take a page out of the Old Egyptian calendar and set the last 2 days of the year for not working, as well as the first three days of the New Year. However, as I am a 1 in Numerology, I work the third day of the New Year when it lines up on the calendar, like this coming year does. Working on the 3rd of January sounds good to me, jumping into the coming year with peace and relaxation having been lived.

Happy Almost New Year!

 

December 24, 2008

I have seen more Santa hats this year than last.

Maybe it is because of the grim economic news reports these days, maybe it is the time of year, maybe it is...

As I look around at all the bright lights and colors and smiling faces, I am uplifted by the goodness of human beings. Isn't it amazing that we can be such bright points of light? Especially children at this time of year, their ability to easily touch the wonder and the magic and the love that is in all of us. I listen more closely now for the peal of laughter, and delight that it is all around me when people are all around me. My work schedule has not permitted much time off, but with the time I have had, I have been out and about, not so much shopping as taking in the Holiday frisson, the Holiday energy.

There are skating rinks, 2, count'em, two, in the City right now, and it is such fun to watch folks iceskate, to see them glide and swirl and spin and start to lose and regain, or not, their balance. And the laughter is a tonic we all sip as we watch, and I am glad that I can drink it all in and give as much as I can back.

The entry hall of our house has 2 Santa hats this year. Hope you have yours!

 

December 23, 2008

I got the best Holiday gift this past weekend as I went to see Dame Edna Everage (www.dame-edna.com). Barry Humphries, a talented and funny actor from Australia invented, some say channeled, Edna fifty years ago. This past Sunday with the 10th Anniversary of Dame Edna's first appearance in San Francisco, and I was lucky enough to be at Sunday's matinee. There in nothing, and I do mean, nothing, like the gift of laughter. I laughed so hard that tears came to my eyes.

Lately, I have been reading about studies that show that laughter, the act of laughing, is good for the physical body, that the energy produced and released is unique in its composition, that the muscles used are ones seldom if ever used in most other acts. Also, that the mental and emotional condition of people is improved when they laugh. Imagine that!

Laughter heals.

 

December 20, 2008

Winter comes tomorrow, here on the West Coast, around 4 in the morning, when it will be at the coldest part of the night, and the new season is officially here. The word 'winter' first entered the English language in 888 AD, according to the Oxford English Dictionary (www.oed.com) in the babel of languages that the Celts spoke, and is one of 2 major calendrical events in the year, as is Easter time.

As a child, growing up, when Winter came, so did Santa Claus and Christmas and Christmas trees, red and silver.

As an adolescent, growing up, Winter was the time of Hannukah, the Festival of Lights, blue and gold.

As an adult, now that I know for certain that my direct family is an amalgam of Christian and Jewish, I celebrate both.  Having discovered that Booker T. Washington is a family member of mine, I am learning of Kwanzaa. I will do my best to embrace and support the world and my fellow beings, as I can. This is a great time to practice being the best me that I can be, and to be patient and kind and gentle and honest and diligent and balanced and grounded. And giving and loving.

Having written on this website about Winter, and having lived through many, many Winters, I know what a different time of the year that Winter is, what with the cold and the wind and the rain and the snow and the ice. Having lived where Winter started in October and ended in April, I know how the weather can alter how we feel, and that the shortness of daylight changes our brain chemistry. Every 2-3 days, I get 20 or so minutes of daylight on my face, to keep my spirit up. The cloudiness of Winter is a challenge, and I do my best to meet my needs, such as they are. Winter is a good time to take care of myself, and to learn how I can make my life better, and to be better, day by day.

In ancient Egypt, which all of my life has been a source of connectedness and a time when I feel I had been alive, the last five days of the year were given over to merriment and festivals, and no one worked and there were special holiday foods and drinks, and it was a time of celebration. I use this time in history as a small blueprint as to how to live the end of the year and the start of the next, to laugh and play and eat and run-around and live. "Life is a banquet and most suckers are starving", a line from the play and movie 'Auntie Mame', and I believe that this is true, that just the simple, small act of drawing breath is proof enough to me that I have a part to play here in life, on Earth, in this now and as many days as I am given.

Throughout time, this time of year has been special, the shortest night of the year is upon us, and Spring and all of the joy and bounty it promises await. Longer days are about to start, we've made it again, another year lived and lost and loved.

Welcome, and well come, Winter!

 

December 18, 2008

Such a wake-up-call I got the other day, all I was doing was cleaning my house, picking stuff up and dusting and stuff, and I reached over to pick up this light object, quite fragile, and all-of-a-sudden my left foot, which is on a very old Persian rug, a rug that I bought without knowing how rare and wondeful it is, started to slip on the red fir floor, a floor that was put down in 1870 something or so...and I torqued  my right side so as not to drop the thing in my hands and this bolt of pain went up and down my spine, and it hurt to take in the next breath. What a lesson. About as real as they get, when it strikes you in your body, and you have to cope or not, and whatcha gonna do????

So I've been gingerly getting back to my life as I know it, the one with the gym and exercise and active life. Having this stitch in my side, as it were, has been a very good reminder to me that there is a place that I can push my body with my mind that is not good for my body, that living in respect of both mind and body is the way to go in this life, that this expression of the eternal, munificent multiverse in it's duality is a truth that lives beyond time and space and place. Did I mention the pain in my side? Oy...

Does anyone out there have any contribution on the subject of fear to share with me and the blogosphere out there?

On another note, it snowed in Las Vegas last night. The night my Half Brother Roy died in Las Vegas, it snowed the day of his funeral. It was right before Christmas, he called me to wish me and Joe well, the only time he ever referred to my partner of long standing, and when I heard his message last that night, I held him in my heart, as I do today, and gave him love 'like I had never been hurt', you know, that pure, giving, generous love. Little did I know what the morning would bring.

Life is a big wake-up call, a summons to love and charity and giving, to being the best you that you can be. I have found in this life that the more you give, the more you live. Jingoistic, I admit, but very, very true. Give and live.

 

December 15, 2008

Surreal images on the television, of a man throwing his shoes at the American President, George Bush, in Iraq. Who would have thought that Mr. Bush had such good physical reactions and ducked, twice. Shoes are considered by many in the region as the dirtiest part of our dress and clothing, and the touch of the shoe sole is completely unclean. To have a shoe, let alone two, thrown at you, is a major insult.

At one point in my life, I lived, albeit briefly, in Lahore, Pakistan. I had gone there as part of my employement at the time, and knew that I might live briefly in differing places all over the world when I took the job. The company had sent me to places like Chicago, Dallas, San Jose, London and Paris, but when one of the senior guys mentioned a job in Pakistan, I knew what would come next, and started learning everything I could about the country. Such an amazing history had unfolded in this part of the globe, and Lahore is called 'The Garden City' because it is so beautiful. When I got the call from the company's travel agency, I was ready.

Or so I thought. Arriving in London to change planes, I sought out my Thai Airways (www.thaiairways) flight bound for Karachi via Rome. That was my introduction to the joys of flying with Thai, to this day one of the world's best airlines. As we approached Rome, the pilot of our flight, a nicely voiced British chap, informed us that there was an airport workers strike in Rome, and that we would be adding passengers and baggage, but no fuel. Curious announcement, I thought. Little did I know.

Leaving Rome, the pilot informed us that the flight crew were trying to find someplace that would allow us to land and purchase jet fuel. Eventually, we landed in Dharan at King Fahad International Airport. Not allowed to disembark, we could only look out the windows as our 747 was refueled. Then off again, to Karachi. Landing just as dawn started to break, the chaos inside the air terminal, the already high temperature, the babble of strange languages, and the crush of people impressed on me that a big adventure was about to begin.

There is so much that I learned while in Pakistan, about the languages Urdu and Hindi, about Islam and Hinduism, about being very, very different from those around me. One day I took the train north of Lahore, to a small village about an hour or so away. As I was walking down one of the dusty streets in the village, someone threw a shoe at me. It hit me in the back of my left leg, and left no mark. When I looked around, no one was looking at me, and I walked on. I had no idea that I had just been deeply insulted.

Dealing with people who do not like you is something we all experience at some point in our lives, and for some of us, this happens more frequently. How we handle this is a test of our soul. Learning how to rise about our reactive human nature to arrive at a reasonable response takes effort, as does displacing our reactive energy later.

When I told a couple of co-workers about my day outside of Lahore at dinner, I mentioned the shoe incident. One of them became visibly upset, and said that he apologized for the insult, that as a Muslim, he was embarrassed. For the rest of my stay in Pakistan, nothing unpleasant happened, and to this day I think fondly and kindly of the land and it's peoples.

Mr. Bush, just like all of us, creates karma, and has to live with himself. Hearing him speak after his shoe incident and about all the jeers and one finger salutes he sees from his limo tells me he is aware of his karma. I, for one, am glad he ducked, but as one wag I know said, George always ducks at Press Conferences or when news reporters are around.

 

December 14, 2008

What a great few days these have been in the world, what with all the news, not all of it negative, about changes coming, and the sky filled with the Cold Moon, big and bright and beaming. It is cooooolllllddddd here, for San Francisco, with temps dropping into the 20's in the surrounding area, like Napa Valley. Winter is almost here.

This is one of my favorite times of year, and has been since I was a small child. I have memories of snow piled higher than me, just about everywhere, making narrow foot paths to follow. And the smell of snow, you can learn to recognize it before it snows, when there is this sharp, clean smell all around. It's wonderful.

Something I learned while living in London was to have a public place one could go to, regardless of the time of day. A 'pub' the English call it, for publican house, an approved gathering place, an English friend explained once, sitting in a pub near my bed-sit, my room that I lived in. Having a pub became part of me then, and stays with me to this day. But I've taken the idea and added a bit, as pubs are not American bars. First was to find the closest bar near me, visit it and check it out, especially the bar staff (they set the tone) and if the place felt good to me, it became my adult watering hole, and then go find a coffee bar close by and do the same process. Then the closest 24 hour business, be it market or donut shop or whatever. Now I have 3 places that I can go in a day, near my house, where I can make new friends and be a part of the community. Doing this in London made the Yankee in me more relaxed, as I got to know my surroundings, and to have connections. I've used this technique the world over, and have met some of the most wonderful people.

The year end is a great time to embrace change in one's life, to 'shake it up a bit', to invite in the new. Change is inevitable, and once we learn to accept this fact of life, we can move toward working with change, going with the flow. This attitude toward change makes the process of change so much easier. Fighting change is futile, and painful, and self inflicted, a measure of self esteem, and an indication that help is needed. Year end is also a wonderful time to be helpful, to the people in one's life, and to those whose path we cross.

 

December 11, 2008

Television - such a word. An amalgam of greekish words, tele and visio, such a combination. Such an achievement, not just in language, but in evolvement, in being-ness.

Radio - such a word. Coming out of the air, unseen and everywhere, always. Waves sent through the air, through solid walls, that turns into sound that we understand, and can even dance to.

and now, with the internet and texting and communication devices that would make Dick Tracey proud...such a world. Technology will never fail to deliver, ever, and there will always be an 'ever new', a now, now!. Keeping up with it can cause quite an effort, and it is best that one choose wisely, in the long, long run, to be as close to real as one can be.

"Keeping it real", I have heard those words so, so many times, one that comes to mind is the older Brother of a young student of mine at 122nd Street School in Los Angeles. He was  20ish and black-proud, such a fine example of self esteem and self love. It was 1973, and South Central LA was not such a lovely place. I had not known about that section of the city until 1965, when my Mom died. I remember my Dad and Grandmother, who I lived with, turning on the televison many, many times, and a voice coming out of the box, talking calmly, most times, and sometimes a bit more agitated, a bit more hurriedly. I observed that the more the people in the house that I lived in watched television, the more they changed. It was as if the television was making them change.

Countless studies have shown that over-stimulation to media, of any form, is not a good thing. I know a man, so addicted to his Blackberry device is he, that when he mis-placed it, he became so agitated as to require medical attention. This is not a good thing. Moderation to all things, to all feelings, to all impulses, moderation, if you please. Run only as fast as you are steady.

For years, I used the excuse of astrology to explain my behavior, until the day I had to just stop running from the truth, that who I was, was who I was. I am me. Such a simple, powerful statement. I am as I want to, choose to, be, as I am always aware of how I am being.

Having such power, to be able to choose, sometimes scares me, a bit. That is when I take a deep, healing breath, and remind myself that life, or God, or g-d, or whatever, has not given me more than I can handle. I will be OK.

now, it's time to go look for a new cell phone, yikes!

 

December 10, 2008

As a child, growing up, I thought that everybody got married and divorced, several times over, as all of the parents of the kids I knew had been through a divorce, and both of my parents had ex's and other kids from other marriages. Perfectly normal, as far as the world around me appeared.

With this in mind, I embarked on my own relationships, and had several. I should have written several in capital letters to underscore the quantity of relationships I tried, most very briefly, some longer. Like the one I am in now. What I learned along the way was this:

learn the difference between reaction and response

act with compassion and understanding and do not lead with your ego

it took me more than four decades to finally see the wisdom in these words, and I fought against it for years and years, and had chaotic, unsatisfying relationships because of that fight.

Just the other day, I, or I should write: we, celebrated being in relationship for twenty-one years. Come to think about it, I have been in one relationship longer than either of my parents marriages. Knowing both of them, I can now understand why that is true.

Neither of them truly loved themselves, and their behavior reflected this truth. Along my way, I continue to learn to love me, which, as we all know, is a moment by moment effort. This allows me to love others more fully, more clearly.

Here's to love! 

 

December 5, 2008

The household here is comprised of a clear majority - cats. Domestic housecats, each who came from Animal Care and Control (www.sfgov.org) here in San Francisco. I have lived with cats since my Father's Third Wife, a wonderful woman named Juanita. We took a car trip to Oceanside, CA, my Dad and Juanita and my Half-Sister Melodie and me, and Juanita had insisted on taking her pregnant cat with us, a sweet affectionate tabby with bulging belly, and sure enough, we came back to the car after supper and, in her special cardboard box, there were tiny, wet, blind squeaking kittens. Each time she gave birth, my head hit the edge of the open car door, I was so amazed at birth, at the powerfulness of life. 

The eldest of the bunch, Maddie, to her friends, is quite the communicator. When I hear folks say that cats are aloof, I think of this little grey cat, and how she can make the loudest, spookyest sounds I have ever heard a cat make, and I have known cats who did some pretty strange things, like the one who loved Scotch Whisky, and knocked over an open bottle once, lapped so much he passed out, drunk and quite whisky stained.

Mollie is next, a sleek black to the eye but really brown and black furred charmer, quiet and reserved, with hooded topaz eyes and a commanding voice which she seldom uses. The big thing is to get a human to follow her into the bathroom upstairs and turn on the faucet, just enough for a small stream of water, which she will then lap at with her raspy tongue.

Edy is last, but not least, by any means. From the moment I met her, she talked back when I spoke to her, each and every time. She still does, and seldom enters a room where people are speaking not announcing herself. Her favorite place to sleep is the crook of a human elbow, and no one is safe from her gentle, sweet approach.

Living with these three is, like all of life, a mixed bag. There are some wonderful moments, some horrible moments. But never dull moments, as it seems as if there is always one cat awake at all times. Maddie is my alarm clock, as she has kidney disease and has to be fed a special diet, several times a day, which she announces to all within earshot, in escalating volume and tone. This morning, her Majesty Maddie woke me at 3 AM...a bit too early, what with the cold and the dark. But there I was, going into the kitchen to get her a spoonful of wet food, her preferred meal. She later returned to bed, next to me, and licked my hand. I could feel the love, the caring, the appreciation she has for me, knowing that she asks more than the others. Love is like that, if you feel it you give it, unthinkingly.

That's what I've learned from cats. I may be a bit cat fur covered, there are catboxes, and their food doesn't smell yummy, but what I get back from making room for them in my life is more than fair return.

 

December 4, 2008

The most amazing thing has happened, today. I had been working on my genealogy for the past few days, and just now, there are more than ten thousand names in my family tree. 10,000. Wow, I am just a bit shocked, as just the other day I was exulting in having half that number. Now, what with all the connections I made over the past few days has linked me to other trees and to so many new families and surnames and histories and lives, from all over the world, going back centuries. Amazing.

This year has been one, for me, of making family connections, both on the computer and here on Earth. What a great way to end this year, and to begin in the new year. I used to feel so alone as a child, shuttled back and forth from house to house to house to house and always a never-ending parade of new faces and never enough time and then more shuttling and more new faces. Now, these new faces have names that connect them to me, and they are family and it is a great big collection of souls, and we have the time, as much as we need.

 

December 3, 2008

Cyber Monday! Retailers, rejoice. Today, so those in the know say, you and I and many many others are supposed to be on the internet, shopping and buying. I have been watching our new President Elect, Barack Obama, speak on television, announcing more of his Cabinet of advisors, and feeling a wonderful blush of pride, hearing him speak. So intelligent, smart, with a dry sense of humor, not a whiff of Crawford Texas about him. Someone I know called Mr. Obama 'street smart', and I, for one, think that maybe that is what we all need to be nowadays. I heard him once say that he trusts his guts when he makes a decision, and thought at the time that he was brave to make such a statement, when most politicians that I have known are more compromised in their thinking, and seldom would reveal that much of themselves. Seeing him now, on the telly, was refreshing and uplifting, and maybe I will do a bit of cyper-browsing, just a bit...

 

December 1, 2008

Happy December, the last month of the year, as we think of it thesedays. And here comes Winter, and the leaves gone from some trees, and climate change on one part of our planet, and Summer and long, lazy days and nights on another part of our planet. A friend and client recently showed me his photos of Christmas in his home in Bondi Beach, Australia. Santa caps and sunshine, shorts and flip-flops, a wonderful picture. So different than elsewhere, and I know he is happy and fulfilled in his there. And I hope we all find what he has found. 

Most of the leaves that can fall are falling, and the streets are littered with them. People are dressing warmer as the temperature drops, and the nights get cold. The moon and stars have been putting on a wonderful show that won't be seen again until 2050 or so, so catch it now if you can. 

 

November 28, 2008

And they're off and running...Black Friday, shoppers delight! There were images this morning on television of shoppers lined up, waiting for the stores to open, at 5AM, can you believe it? 5AM, when so many are slumbering, some restfully, some not, some were out shopping, pumping up the economy, spending dollars. These dollars are worth more than they were six months ago, and today are buying more. I spoke with a friend this morning as he stood in line, waiting to purchase the new laptop computer he was gifting himself with, along with a Wii for his daughter and a blender for his wife. He said the store was packed with merchandise and people, and that the mood was upbeat and on the edge of cheerful. Before the store opened, he and his daughter had stood with a few dozen others, singing Christmas carols and other songs, everybody smiling and laughing, the store employees passing out coffee and hot chocolate.

There is a new sense of optimism in the air, it seems to me. Yes, it is still a very troubled world, and there are many things wrong with it, from one perspective or another. Communication and consideration are very important now, as we all edge forward into a new year, one that will see many changes never before seen on the face of this Earth. Someone told me once that I am an optimist. I told him I think I am a realist, one who knows that there is a struggle between the forces of good and evil, and roots for the good. It isn't all too clear to me, sometimes, that good will triumph, and for that reason alone, I do more for good, to help, to encourage, to bolster.

Which is why, later today, I will go out and join the throngs in San Francisco this afternoon, and shop around a bit. 'Looking incurs no obligation to buy' a friend and client says, and I hope she's right. I could use a new laptop, myself.

 

November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving! What a great idea for a holiday, the giving of thanks. In America, this holiday means for many a day off from work, and for those that do work, more money for working this day. It also means food, glorious food. Being founded in history, with the Pilgrims giving thanks to God and inviting the locals to a feast, shortly after having arrived in this country, making the best of it in the wilderness, such as America was at the time. 

Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy

As a child, I lived on a ranch near Barstow, California, in a little town named Newberry Springs. It was off of Route 66, the icon highway of America, and most folks just sped on by, noting the hills to the South, a ranch here and there, and lots of desert sage and cactus and tamarisk trees. We had moved here because my Step-Dad, JD, had broken his leg while helping to build Highway 395, and my Mom's Dad, Earl Hall, had offered to take us in.  He had homesteaded 80 acres years before, and later had bought an adjoining 80 acres. He raised turkeys, thousands and thousands of them, in these long buildings. Down the center of each building was a moving beltway with small compartments of fabric on it, which would be filled with ground grain. The chicks would gather round and feed when it was moving. Water was delivered in round pans filled daily. So there we were, Grandpa Earl, Mom and JD and me. And the turkeys, and the pigs. Mustn't forget the pigs.

Turkeys when small are cute and dumb. Turkeys when grown are mean, at least they were when I let myself into a pen of them to show my Mom what I had found. As soon as I entered the pen, some of these large white birds saw me and thought I had food for them. They rushed me, and started to peck at my hands and then me. You may not think they have teeth, but what they do have are these rasps in their mouths, and wow, did they hurt. My Mom came rushing over, shooing the turkeys away, and led me out of the pen, scolding me for having entered in the first-place and making sure I was OK. I had never disliked turkeys until then, and had thought of them as benign and felt sorry for them when the trucks would come and the big ones were herded on board. Now, through new eyes, I saw them as malevolent with black scary eyes and sharp claws. Nasty things. Better eaten. With gravy and cranberries and mashed potatoes and dot dot dot and all those things you like on Thanksgiving.

Happy Turkey Day!

One year, I worked at a soup kitchen on Skid Row in Los Angeles. I remember that Thanksgiving fondly, the feeling of camaraderie and good-will that passed among all of us that day, everyone doing what they could to make the day better, even one of scariest guys was beaming that day as he tucked into his plate of food. Even today, that good-will is part of this day for me, the sense that we are all in this, together, and none of us is better than another, that we all share this one planet.

Happy almost Black Friday!

Tomorrow, and in some cases, today, is the start of the consumerism that marks this season, worldwide nowadays. Retailers make the bulk of their income starting now, and this year the discounts are pretty big, 80% in some stores. The shakes and rattles in the economic news have produced results for consumers, and all of the sales inserts in the newspaper this morning underscore this fact: Go out and buy! More! Don't forget friends and family!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today, you will find me watching the Thanksgiving Day parade from New York City. I love the huge balloons and all the music and marchers and the crowds. This year, there will be new balloons and innovations to the parade, and I am excited to see them. At the end of the parade, Santa Claus makes his first appearance of the year, and the kids in the crowd always go wild. Santa!!!! And the kid in me is thrilled and excited and very, very alive.

Happy Thanksgiving! 

 

November 20, 2008

1431 AD,  five hundred seventy-seven years ago, a male named Thoman Beck was born in Swabia, southern Germany, northern Bavaria. He is the oldest point in the Boeckh Family ancestry that I have been able to trace back to in that part of my genealogy.  I can sit at my computer for hours at a time, researching records, looking for family connections, and have been astounded by how large my tree has grown, with now more than five thousand members. There is a woman whose family touches mine, and I noticed that she has more than 19,000 members in her tree. She told me she has been working on her connections for nearly 50 years, having started with 2 of her Grandparents names. These days, I am hearing from many of my relatives from all branches of my family tree, as the end of the year draws near.

On trees, the tree in my front yard, such as it is, is a red flowered horse chestnut, a type that I chose from having lived in London for a while. I would go into the parks in and around London, exploring and enjoying, and I would see these huge, towering trees with these massive leaves, in just about every park I visited. In the autumn, the leaves would change to a warm golden color as the temperature dropped, and then darken to brown and fall to ground. The front yard tree is in transition today, with a few golden leaves fiercely clinging to their branch, and others heeding the call of time and surrendering to what must be. Fall, a season of change. 

 

November 18, 2008

Today I write to remember my client and friend, Susan Birkeland.

Suze was such a crazy quilt of a person, so many facets, like a dodecahedron, most of them beautiful, loving, and kind. In our work together, we identified the varying voices that she heard in her head, and she gave each of them names, and as time went on, we learned of their distinct personalities, and she even put one of them to work, in her performances as Ruby, the Entertainer.  Through our years together on this Earth, we talked about every little bit of her life, and sought clarity and compassion for her and for the other's involved. Her death came on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, with the window shade pulled back mostly, in her beautifully decorated San Francisco General Hospital room, the effort of an old friend from Suze's Texas days, the sky ablaze in reds, golds, and oranges, the clouds drifting by, dark from the sun behind them. That was when Suze slipped behind one of those clouds, and everyonce in a while I imagine her up there, behind some cloud, or even more likely seated on it, still sharing her love with those she left behind. Thanks, Susie B, for everything and more. You were the best here.

 

November 14, 2008

Yesterday was quite a day in the neighborhood. For as long as most folks around here can remember, there have been utility poles in the backyards of homes in the Castro District. A few months ago, all of us were notified by mail that AT&T (www.att.com) would be working to remove the poles and put the telephone lines under the sidewalks in front of the houses. There was much cutting of concrete followed by gangs of men digging and putting and pouring concrete, and dirt, everywhere. This was followed by a lull in activity, and then friendly crews went door-to-door and ran telephone lines from the back of all of our houses to the front and installed a new telephone box, one by one, house by house. Then a long lull.

There are few sounds as singular as a chain saw. I am not a fan of movies where this hardware is a cast member, if not the star of the picture. Chain saws do not make me feel good when I hear them, and hear them I do, first thing, before I see them. So there I was, walking downstairs to go do a load of laundry in the morning before starting work, and rrrrriiiiiiipppppppp!!!!!!!!!!! the air is split, as are my thoughts. Following the sound, I walk into my backyard and look toward the West. There, on a utility pole, is a man with a chain saw, carving it up. Looking to the East, I see another man with a chain saw carving up his pole. Dueling chain saws - oy....

In the evening, as the sky darkened, I looked into the back yard and noticed the tree line for the first time, sans poles, without any visible sign of man. how beautiful. I hurried to stand on the deck, and was taken in by the swirl of colors and shapes of the trees: cherry, podocarpus, norfolk pine, flamingo maple, and others. Taking a seat, I let my psychic and etheric and physical bodies take it all in, and just got still in my soul. The beauty of nature does that for me. And here she is, in my back yard, and as I basked in that warm feeling in the warm air, I heard the chatter of the new neighbors, Chip and Dale, with thanks to Mr. Disney, the squirrels. There they were, scampering along the ivy covered fence in back, on their way to grab a few sunflower seeds from a bowl in our yard. Bliss....

 

November 13, 2008

To all of you who have written to me, thankyouthankyouthankyou! I have learned so much from sharing your pain and frustration and grief and joy and love and life, and that is what this website is supposed to do, give each and every one of us a place to communicate, to express, rather than repress, our feelings.

Each and every day, I look forward to my e-messages, to my correspondence. Hearing from folks, knowing what is up with them and maybe dialog with them, so much the better. And just to read what folks write in, express, is so very cool. Thank you, all.

Tonight, I have had the pleasure of sitting at a table with 12 people, knowing that 13 at table is the origin of the curse of 13 (the Last Supper, remember?), and wishing someone would pull up a chair just to see what would happen. Superstitions are limitations that we choose to obey, or not. Most of us wonder what it is that fate has in mind for us. The truth is, each and every one of us is the master of our own fate, that we all choose, all the time. We choose from a place of self esteem, from a sense of self love. Many of us do not love ourselves, and spend our lives locked in struggle with ourselves, from the light and dark of our souls. Have you noticed the yin/yang symbol, those two teardrops in a circle? We are that, two halves in a container. Each of us chooses, all the time, what to do, to say, to feel, to express, to repress, to be. Tonight, at table, I chose to be light and bright and funny and kind, in contrast to the dark and heavy and sad and stuck that I felt around me. At the end of a long, twelve plus hour work day, it would have been so all too easy to give and just be in a crummy mood. Instead, I took a deep, cleansing breath, eyes closed, heart open, and asked myself to go forward to give my best, just for tonight.

One moment at a time, one day at a time, one step at a time, living life and love. I think of it like this:

Love is where one must start.

Intention is next, what do you think you want to have, where are you putting your energy?

Focus is next in getting go your goal.

Effort is the final component, the fuel that takes you where you want to be.

L.I.F.E.

 

November 11, 2008

In honor of all those who have suffered in battle, since the beginning of time, Thank you for your sacrifice.

When I was twelve, just as I was about to graduate from Elementary School in Los Angeles, where we had moved due to my Mom's health, my Father informed me that he thought that I should go to Military School. I had no idea what he was talking about, and when he began to explain it, I lost interest. He, however, became more into the idea, and told my Mom what he was thinking. She told him it was my decision, in front of me.

I went right before Junior High School started in September, to an academy named Black Fox. Spending a weekend, with all the rules and regulations, not to mention having to keep my left hand in my lap during meal times, was not for me. The education part was great, but it was not enough to make me want to live there for nine months. Years later, I read time and again, that I would be a good military officer, when reading astrology. Maybe in my next life, not this time.

 

November 10, 2008

Have you ever stood in the wrong line? Or waited at the wrong counter? You know what I am on about, that feeling that says 'Why me?' in a plaintive voice. As a kid, I was sometimes told not to whine, as I would. That would start me whining louder and lead to consequences, and you know what those are. Growing up, I began to encounter others who would whine from time to time about something. It would annoy me, and I usually took my leave, getting away as soon as I could. My ambivalence was born.

I struggled with this thing about whining for years. Was it an artifact from childhood, something that I was supposed to outgrow? Or was it deeper, the tip of the iceberg, and underneath was this larger, doom laden darker thing? So I sat with those times when I would want to or would whine, and I would try to understand what it was that was taking me there. Many times, I would have flashbacks to an earlier time in my life, some point at which the child in me would react to deprivation, to lack. In looking at this, I came to understand important stress points in my personality. This has allowed me to have a bit of a remove, so to speak, less reactive and more responsive. Think first, act second. In doing this, I feel like a grown-up, and I do notice that my life has a great deal less drama. And as far as whining in concerned, I accept it, both in myself and others. Life is about being, becoming, and change. Whining is a release, and is normal. I do it, you do it, we all do it, and it is OK. Working toward change brings results. Next time you are in the wrong line, relax and enjoy the time.

 

November 8, 2008

Most of my fellow citizens appear a bit happier, such as I have seen them today while I have been out and about. One of the things I really enjoy about my days are the mornings, early, before dawn, waking up and feeling alive. And going out for a walk for a while, 20 minutes or more. It always makes me feel awake and alive and sorted out and clearer for the day ahead. All of this before coffee or tea, just water.

I used to be one that could not function without coffee, a great big beaker (mug) of it, with lots of sugar and cream, not milk, none of that chemical compound designed to fool you, no sirree, not for me. Only high-test, full bodied Arabica Familia for me, and maybe three or four more of them before my day ends. Legal mini meth and I was overwrought and highstrung and anxious and nervous and damned it I knew why...

What we put in us matters, and what we do with our bodies matters, as well. Wellness is in doing, daily.

Since it is Saturday, at the end of this day I will be taking a second walk for the day, this being the end of my work week. I always like to make the most of my weekends, to fully live and love and laugh in the moment. Taking another walk today will give me a chance to remember how special time on Earth is, and to make the most of my time.

 

November 5, 2008

There were firecrackers in the Castro last night, and on television last night there were tears in the eyes of Jesse Jackson. What a wonderful new night to fall asleep in, and the papers of today are keepers. There is a shortage of newspapers today across the land - as America wakes up to learn what change has come. Not all decisions have been reached in all states, and some results are disappointing, and there will be recounts here and there. Clients and friends in Europe and Asia have been sending me many e-messages and some have called as well. All with the sound of joy and optimism in their voices, alive and loving life, and this feeling of the new. Change is a very good thing.

 

November 4, 2008

It is just a few minutes before 8PM here in San Francisco, on the left edge of America. There is a race for President, along with a countrywide host of issues before the electorate of this fair Country. Obama, a Democrat and McCain, a Republican. So fitting for a country that is a democratic republic, no? The state of Michigan has just been called in Obama's favor, and the faces on Fox TV (www.fox.com) say it all- The Democratic Party has won the Presidency! Hooray, hoorah!!

America is just like this, it can be good and bad, sweet and sour. There are some countries that are sour all the time. I have been to places where you cannot wait to leave, they are so creepy feeling and heavy and dark. This election process here in American has been going on for more than 22 months, this running for the highest office in the land. The Leader of the Free World. Quite a job. The states of America, it's economy, laws, regulations, are in need of change. This new First Family are all about the new. Forty years after the racial tension of this country convulsed and shook it, we have a Black man in the White House.

I am proud of this country tonight, to the vote for change and work and progress and fairness. Hooray for us. May the dream of a better America and a better world manifest in reality.

Yes we can. 

 

November 3, 2008

and then there have been days like this:

He showed up early, ringing the doorbell and knocking loudly on the door, just as my client were ending our session. I excused myself and went to the door, opened it and he stepped up and into my entry hardly giving me a chance to move out of his way. He stood looking at me. I turned to my prior client who was standing in the doorway to my home office, who looked at the man and then came over to me, leaned in to hug me and whispered 'Good Luck' as she went through the open front door. I saw her partway down the stairs until I heard him say 'Enough already', it which time I turned to watch him enter my office. By the time I had closed the front door and entered my office he was scrutinizing my decor. He positioned himself so he could see all angles of the room, and sat. His thinking was cold, logical, strategic, without emotion. His face portrayed not one iota of feeling, not cold, just distant and removed. He looked around the room, his eyes calibrating each and every object as they appeared to him, indications of which to measure me, to 'figure you out' as I heard in my head, to judge me, another puzzle to solve, another thing.

With no pleasantries he asked his question 'Why am I here'?

I smiled when I heard his voice, and knew that he and I were in sync with all that is, and said 'Karma, all that that happened before this now.'

'And what am I to do?' he asked, his face a blank.

'Love'

He stood, reached into his jacket pocket of his business suit, withdrew his wallet, opened it and withdrew my fee, handed it to me, looked me square in the eye, then turned away and let himself out with me bringing up the rear, he was moving at such a clip. At no time did his face show any trace of emotion, not one little bit.

As I closed my door, I said a small prayer for him, and for all of us who sometimes get confused by all the hubbub that swirls around us in this life here on Earth. It can be difficult to trust this life, to learn from it, to continue to become as time goes by. I knew that he was caught up in trying to do all the right things he had been told to do by people he respected, yet he was also trying to find what felt right to him and true for him, and that he felt like he was on a tightrope, all the time. Spending the few minutes he did with me was something he had done out of curiosity, and he got what he came for.

Each day, at some point, I say a prayer for us all, for all of the people I have met, all that I meet now, all that I will meet, and all that I will never meet. This is, according to Buddha, samsara, the world of illusion, and that there is an eternal now without illusion. All that I can do is my best, with love me and all whose path I cross. I remind myself that I am called a 'human being' and that the word being signifies an evolving, changing state.

IMPORTANT: If you are allowed to, tomorrow is a day to vote in the USA. Please do, it is a privilege, not a right, for so many of the world's peoples, and America matters, as does your vote.

 

November 2, 2008

In honor of the day, I thought I would share something I experienced recently.

The other day, I had a 'special' client, a woman of means who wanted to see me in her hotel room. To this end, I arrived at her hotel suite a couple of minutes early. The door opened and a young woman will a cellphone to her head looked me up and down and did not reply when she heard my name, she just stood aside allowing me to pass over the threshold. As I did so, i noticed a guy sitting in one of the striped chairs in the entry glance up at me before returning his attention to his newspaper. The young woman indicated that I was to follow here, and walked into a large living room area, further indicating where I was to sit. The chair was very comfortable and faced a large sectional sofa that had magazines on it. I sat and waited. And waited.

Nearly 45 minutes later, I heard the approach of a woman's voice and knew it was my client. All of our communication had been through two others, and I had been given a name which I knew was untrue. My intuition prepared me for a face that I had seen countless times before, looking back at me from magazine covers, videos, interviews and films, but I was struck by the honesty I saw flash in her eyes as they took me in in a sweep before darting elsewhere. She went and stood near a window, gazing out of it from time to time while she continued her phone conversation. She would laugh from time to time, very musical and uplifting the sound of it was.

After about 10 more minutes, I heard her say my name and turned to see her sitting in a chair, one of two along the wall of windows of her suite.I stood and walked over, she extended a delicate hand, we touched and I knew in a flash why I was there. She sat and settled in, as did I. I had felt how complicated, how busy her life was, how full her emotions, and how she was from time to time the victim of her feelings, usually to her dismay. I felt such compassion for her, and still do.

We spoke of death, a subject that had troubled here since childhood and the earth death of her Mother. We talked about how we both saw death not as the end of life, but part of life. She talked about feeling the presence of her Mom, and how it comforted and calmed her. I suggested she use photographs as a tool to facilitate a connection with her Mom, which she now does quite often. She has since told me how much better she feels these days, and now travels with many photos of those she misses, living and dead.

On this day, the Day of the Dead, take a moment to think how you came to be here now, to imagine all of the lives that have been lived so that you can be here now, in this moment. All of those people are just like you and me, a mixture of light and dark, and that we choose to effect for better or worse ourselves and those around us. It has been estimated that approximately 4,500 generations of humans separate us from early hominids, from early man, from a time of living in calves and being on the verge of greater change. Here we are, today. Live the love in you, bring out your light. Share it with those around you, and help make all of our lives better.

 

October 31, 2008

Happy Holiday! Such an American holiday. I recall my first Halloween, living outside the USA, in Paris. No one knew about it, and there were no decorations, anywhere. Some of the folks I knew were having a drinks (read:booze) party to celebrate, but that wasn't for me. That was the year that showed me that I love this holiday, I missed it so much.

From an anthropological psychologic perspective, imagine that the year swings through this hot to cold cycle, and some years, as we call them now, are worse than others, and the cold is deeper and longer and people and animals and plants freeze to death. Out of fear, actions take place, to placate whatever forces control this climate swing. This is why we have so many holidays worldwide at this time of the year, starting as early as September, lasting until the start of Spring. Depending on where you are on the planet, you will find the holidays gravitate to the mid cycle of this time, centering on what we now call New Years Day.

Each holiday has a theme, and the one for Halloween is death. Such a subject, the great fear that provoked us as a species in the first place.

Here, in the Castro District of San Francisco, Halloween got a big boost from a local hardware store, Cliffs (www.cliffvariety.com) in 1948. The store is still there, purveyors of all things Halloween at this time of year. For many, this Holiday centers on the Castro, and thousands of people come to the neighborhood on this date.

One year, when we lived in Mojave, California, there was a U.S. military base nearby, and they flew in these huge jet planes, called B-52's. Eight jet engines, screaming overhead, especially at night. That is the first Halloween I remember, getting dressed up in my store bought from Sears (www.sears.com) clown costume, complete with red rubber nose. Going out into the twilight with my Mom, and all these kids dressed up in all sorts of costumes and the planes coming in every few minutes, so loud and so low that the ground shook underneath my feel, going up to a house near us and the lady that lived there gave me candy, and then to another house and another nice lady and a piece of fruit, and other houses and nice people and more candy and fruit and even some coins for my piggybank. What a great Holiday.

This year, I will be costuming myself to join in the festivities on the streets around here, and joining friends for holiday cheer. I wish you a fun and safe Halloween and all the best.

 

October 28, 2008

I promised that I would write something about breast cancer in honor of all the woman I have known.

Look behind the pink ribbon. Make sure the organization really does something in support of the struggle.

Do not think it cannot happen to you or to someone you know. Get examined in everyway you can to get clarity, to know for certain in your heart and mind.

Three women I have known come to mind. One was a Step-Mom of mine, Breeon nee Juanita, who made use of the state of the art as it was at the time to prolong her life, and to infuse it with deep meaning. Another was a client, Susan, who did not let the cancer win, she withdrew from the contest. The last is a woman who refused to accept her diagnosis, and struggled to her end as she did not believe in cancer and refused to seek treatment.

Each of there women lived with the horror and tragedy that breast cancer can be, how it can attempt to rob one of life. None of these women were victims of the disease, as each lived how she chose, to the end.

Prolong life - seek wellness. www.oncolink.org

 

October 27, 2008

Tony Hillerman was a wonderful writer who wrote mysteries centered in the Navajo Nation. Years ago, on one of my many trips through the region, I came across his first book and enjoyed it so very much. This morning, I read of his passing. Godspeed, dear man, and Thank You so very much for all the wonderful times. www.tonyhillermanbooks.com  

 

October 26, 2008

One of the best things about blogging is the ability to be au courant, to be timely and responsive.

Someone wrote to me the other day, and asked me to post my answer to his question on my blog, so here it is:

Being psychic is something that all of us are. Your intuition is another faculty of your being, like your sense of smell, your visual acuity, your palate. The more you use it, the more you start to understand yourself more and to be able to make more of yourself in this life. Your 'unspoken knowingness' is one of these abilities. Every single person I have ever spoken with about this subject has told me about have some degree of psychic-ness.

The more that you use and trust your intuition, the more able you will be to navigate in life. Just like using any of your senses can help you in life. Being psychic does not make you better, or special, or anything other than human. There are no magical powers conveyed. It does now help you escape karma, or give you the ability to cheat death, or become rich and famous, or assure you of a life without bumps and bad times.

No matter how psychic you are or become, you cannot know anything that the person you are reading will not allow you to know, period. No psychic rape, never. Yourself included. Accepting your intuition is key to making use of it. All of us are given this sixth sense, whether we make use of it or not, and the vast majority of us do.

Keeping yourself grounded and in a calm, non-reactive state assures greater psychic clarity. For me, this means spending time preparing, getting me and my surroundings ready. Growing up, I lived among Piute Indians at one point, and learned from them. I recall this man take a metal dustpan and put some plants growing nearby in it and then set them on fire, creating smoke and embers and ash, and waving it around his yard to drive away the grasshoppers that were infesting his garden. The smell of the high desert sage that he burned has created a deep sense-memory in me, and I burn sage each morning, and sometimes between clients, and sometimes at night as well. Doing this small act restores a sense of peace and calm in my home and in my life. It helps me to function in a healthy, adjusted way. Do something that helps you in your environment to feel more at peace in it, you will be glad you did.

This is a good time to be intuitive, what with all the stock market swings and lay-offs and elections. Fear is rampant rightnow, and it is all too easy to fall prey to it, to get swept up into it and let fear get the better of you. Having intuition has helped me to recognize the difference between my sense of knowingness and my fear, an important distinction, that has helped me go forward. Becoming comfortable with my intuition has helped me to weather the storms of life a bit better, to handle what life has thrown at me. I have learned not to discount thoughts that pop into my head, or to ignore things that stand out in conversations. In learning to trust my intuition, I have been able to discern situations more effectively and thoroughly.

Most of us have had the experience of talking with someone and hearing them tell a lie. You can feel it when that happens, there is a break in the somatic resonance, a physical feeling when you hear an outright lie. The more one learns to recognize and trust one's knowingness, the more one's psychic ability expands. I compare it to a muscle, the more you work with it, the stronger it becomes. Having relied on it all these years has been a great help to me, I highly recommend trusting yourself.

 

October 22, 2008

The other day, I went shopping in San Francisco. In the next couple of hours, I could choose from products made the world over - Mexico, Brazil, India, New Zealand, and many more, so many places in the world had shipped stuff here. I thought about all those people, working, making the stuff I held in my hands, and just for a fleeting second I had a connection to them, to their effort and lives.

So many folks think that what they do is meaningless, and most of them are so wrong. Even the most menial task is an effort of intention, whatever it may be. From what most folks tell me, they are somewhat distracted in doing their jobs, partly out of boredom and partly for selfishness, just running their personal thoughts through their minds, endlessly.

I have had some of the most silly jobs, fry-cook, assembly line worker, counter help, golf ball finder. When I would space out, so to speak, something always went not so well, and sometimes it cost me that job. What I learned from these experiences was to make sure my job required more of me and not less, and that I would be a happier person in the long run if I kept all those little grey cells in my head busy. Since then, I have sought greater and greater use of my abilities.

Today, I have a job that requires my full attention. It is fulfilling, interesting, challenging, and productive. There are some parts of my day that are less intense than others, and from time to time my minds wanders, but not very far. I now know that the distance it wanders is under my control, and that I choose what happens, based on my sense of what is right for me. That is where self love, self esteem, comes into play.

Even in the most simple job, my intent was always to keep body and soul together, and to benefit from sleeping indoors. Self esteem, stripped bare.

We all serve, in some way. Enjoy your service and the service of others.

 

October 16, 2008

Since blogging about my Bavarian family, I have heard from more than a dozen relatives, many who had no real idea where in Germany their ancestors came from. In some cases, the family name had been spelled differently, like Bach and Boch and Berg, which of course made finding connections ever more difficult. Sharing my family tree has helped these folks to find their own connections, much to their delight. One woman wrote me, telling me how amazed she was to be able to trace her ancestors after wondering for years about her personal history. She is now avidly tracing her roots, and is so very happy. For years, she had thought her family had come from Canada, and now she knows, thanks to her research and DNA testing, that three generations back she has a Bavarian connection, and has a much bigger family tree that she imagined. I love sharing the joy of discovery.

 

October 10, 2008

A friend once said 'Make pain your friend and you will never be alone', he was so pithy. I have come to see that one can substitute pain in that sentence for fear or anger or any feeling. He popped into my mind this morning as he was a fan of crisp, cool mornings and the weather reminded me of him. His name was David, he was from the Boston area, and had a restaurant i Provincetown for a number of years. He was such a wizard in the kitchen, knocking out consistently excellent, fresh and tasty food, comfort food, meals that one tucked into with relish and delight.

Food, it turns out, has been part of my ancestry, especially the Bavarian Boeckh clan, for more than four hundred years. I have these photographs of me as a baby, a fat little butterball. I have struggled at times with my weight all my life, too much or too little, and now after half a century of battle I know that the fulcrum is my self esteem. I am learning to balance the intake with the outflow, to balance food and exercise, and now walk daily and get to the gym three times a week in a good week, at least once a week always. Keeping fit, as I age, is very important to me. I enjoy my health (knock wood) and know that what I eat is alot of what makes me go along well. As is my state of heart and mind. At the end of each day, I check in with myself and see if there is any anger or negativity in me. If there is, I do an act of displacement to rid myself of this garbage. I take my personal trash out.

Because, at the end of my day what I want to feel is good and loving and kind.

 

October 7, 2008

Fear is an amazing emotion. It is one of the things that we all share, and we all struggle with it. I have never met anyone who was not afraid of something, and some of the fears that people have do not make sense to someone else, and that can be even more fear inducing. Insofar as fear is part of what I have heard called 'the human condition', I decided that I would examine by fear and wee what made it sucha powerful force in my life. What I came to see was that I was part and parcel of my fear, that my fear was not always like someone else's, and that my fear could get the better of me and direct my thoughts, words and deeds to my detriment.

It was not like I saw my fear and beat it down. It was more like accepting that somethings in life scare me, and that there are scary things in life. To recognize risk, this has been a very big lesson. To believe in myself, another very big lesson. To learn to trust me has been the biggest lesson of all. These steps have helped me to create a way of thinking about life, and my part it it. This is not to say that my fear is gone, it is not. The difference is one of my awareness. I have come to realize that when I get afraid, I hold my breath, which reduces the oxygen to my brain and makes it harder to think other thoughts and shake my fears grip on me. Now, when I feel my fear rising, I take a deep breath, perhaps close my eyes to cut down on the sensory overload I may be feeling. Just this simple, effective step permits me to think more clearly, and to see what options, if any, exist. It also gives me a sense of calm, which I can further by reciting a positive statement, an affirmation, to calm me more. With each step, I feel more at peace and calm, able to deal with what the situation is.

With all the tempest in the newspapers, on TV, on the internet, radio, everywhere, it is far too easy to give into the rampant fear. Work with your fear, learn that it is you, and that you can work with it to make your life better, less fearful, more loving. For me, I remember that if I am caught up in some less-than-pleasant emotion, I am not helping myself, and then change that awareness to a positive, uplifting feeling, to a way of thinking that will help me go forward in peace.

 

September 28, 2008

There is this memory that came back to me last night in a dream. I am on a train and I am not in my body and I am looking out the window on my left and I am seeing corn fields that are green and lush, ripe with ears of corn. Waking, I had this flash of memory of the train pulling out of Bopfingen, Germany just a couple of weeks ago, and then fields of corn and some apple trees, and the image from the dream and my recent memory merge. C. G. Jung wrote about the collective unconscious and how we are all part of it, and that it may be the source of part of what we feel. This is not the first time I have had a feeling or impression of having been someplace before, of deja-vu. This specific experience stands out in part due to all the effort I have done to find relatives, to have a sense of connection with the lives of others that have lived that resulted in my being in this here and now.

Growing up, there were not Grandparent around much, due to death and divorce. There was never a sense of being part of any group, fragmented as both of my parents lives had been. Both had prior marriages themselves. I do not remember any 'family get together' or reunion at any point in my childhood, mainly just the shuttling back and forth between my parent's respective houses, and no contact with anyone called Grand anything. When I did have access to a Grandparent, they were reluctant to talk about ancestral connections, and gave me vague references to 'back East' and England and 'Why don't you go out and play' and that was that.

When I first checked out www.ancestry.com I was surprised by the amount of information that was available online. I could look at United States Census Forms, ship passenger lists, so many sources. Through the internet, I could access and get physical copies of records. Wow, how cool is that? So far, my family tree included more than three thousand names, dating back to about 1000 AD.

Through another website, www.familytreedna.com, I have been able to track down a very large group of people with whom I share genetic history. In my e-messages that had piled up while I was away was a message from a man in Florida who wrote me as he had just gotten his DNA results, and as an adoptee, he is anxious to find his family connections. I wrote to him and directed him to my records online, and hope they help him in his search, and have gotten back a message expressing his delight and excitement. Here's to him and all who search.

Just this morning I was looking at the list of names on the lists of Boeckh connections I got last weekend. So many new names and so many people to get to know, and people to locate, some living, some dead. They all matter to me. People I look forward to being in touch with, of visiting and getting to know better, all over our world.

 

September 27, 2008

I just got back from my Boeckh Family Reunion in Nordlingen, Germany, and WOW, was that a trip, or what? in every sense of the word.

Due to weather delays across the country, my flight from SFO (www.flysfo.com) was delayed long enough to miss my connection into Zurich. American Airlines (www.aa.com) was good to me, though, and upgraded me to First Class to New York and then re-routed me to London and on into Zurich in Business Class, although I did have a four hour layover at JFK. Being able to sleep on both flights really helped, as by the time I got to Zurich, there was no way I was going to get to Nordlingen until the next morning, as there was no overnight train for the six hour trip. I had used my long layover at JFK to surf the internet, trying to find a hotel for one night, to no avail. The only options that came up were quite a distance outside of Zurich, and a couple in Zurich that were more than $800 a night, too rich for my blood. With the help of the Tourist Information Desk at the airport (www.zurich-airport.com) I did find a hotel room right at the airport, with all of the great services available there. The only wrinkle was the fact that the room was something like $500 for the night (www.radisson.com). I must say, however, that the hotel was excellent, the service great and friendly, prices were, of course, high, and the room was very comfortable and I slept really well. This is what credit cards are for (www.mastercard.com), I guess...

The next day, I got up early to catch my first of three trains. At the airport, one can connect to trains throughout Europe. After six long hours and three train changes along the way, I arrived in Nordlingen (www.cometogermany.com). Walking into town took me just a few minutes, and took my breath away with the beauty of the old city wall encircling the city, with watchtowers over each of the roads into town. My hotel was originally a cloister (www.nh-hotels.com) from the 1300's and had been modernized and was very nice. When I checked in, I mentioned that I was there for a family reunion. The desk staff told me that the hotel was filled with Boeckh Family members, and that I was the first to arrive. This gave me time to walk around and get to know the town.

I had used the internet to prepare me for this visit, and found www.google.com/earth very helpful, especially the panaramio overlay, as it showed my photographs of what to expect. The town is a bit like a movie set, as there are no new buildings for the most part, and is very storybook. Nordlingen was used at the end of the 'Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory' movie, and all the red roofs are still there, as they have been for hundreds of years. I stopped into the Tourism Office (www.geocities.com) and got a map and guide information from the helpful ladies, and off I went to explore.

Walking around the town on the city walls, I came to understand the town and its history very well. Such a cool place, and most folks smiled and nearly every house was in great shape and good fettle. Drawn time and again as I passed restaurant menues and bake shops and market stores, I walked near the main church and came upon a couple of farmers selling product from tables set up on the walkways, and bought a fresh muffin to eat. It was only when the sun began to set that I realized I had spent the whole day on the loose, I had been so captivated.

The next day, in the afternoon, the front desk stopped me as I was coming in from a late lunch and told me family members had checked in and more were expected. I had seen a note in the lobby that indicated a 6 PM start time and goodness knows what else as I couldn't read the German, so at the appointed time I went to the meeting hall in the hotel. As I walked toward the doors, I did not see anyone, and began to wonder if maybe I had it wrong or something, perhaps we were meeting someplace else. Just then, a woman and small girl came out of the meeting hall, smiled at me, and held the door slightly ajar. Imagine my surprise at I pulled the door open and stepped into a huge meeting room with lots of round tables, with maybe 100 or more people sitting and milling about. A man at the front of the room with a microphone had been addressing the crowd in German, but stopped when he saw me and said in English 'You must be our cousin from San Francisco, California'. At this just about everyone started applauding and many came toward me, shaking my hand and greeting me in English and German and Italian. I was speechless, absolutely dumbfounded.

I spent the rest of the evening meeting everyone there, and had many translators to help me with German, although I did OK in French and Italian, just having brushed up my skills with Kathy and Family in May. We had a great dinner, buffet style, with lots of toasts in the mainly beer drinking crowd. One of my cousins said you could spot the non-Bavarians by the water or wine glass in front of them on the table. At midnight, I stumbled off to my room, leaving about 50 new friends and family, knowing that we would all be meeting for breakfast before touring the town on foot in the morning.

The next day, after a massive breakfast of fantastic variety, these are Bavarians and they do love to eat, we walked around town, visiting houses that had belonged to family members in the past. Many of the buildings date back 400 to 500 years, and the owners of a couple invited up in. We then had a tour bus take us to a nearby village where the family had lived sometime in the 1500's. Later we toured the countryside and visited an amazing monastery. It turns out that for 600 years, many of the men in the family have been either clerics or bakers. Imagine that.

That night, we had our final big fancy dinner at the hotel. The family members tasked with organizing this years reunion had put up long sheets of paper detailing the genealogy of all of the living family members descended from one Georg Boeckh in 1685, more than 300 names in all. I found my name and then looked at all of the connections between me and Georg, a long line of names and dates. It turns out that the family has been having these reunions for the past 40 years or so, since after the war, when so many family members died in the fighting and bombing, meeting every three years to keep in touch with the relatives. I learned that my Great Grandmother was one of 15 kids, and one of the very few to emigrate to the United States. 

Toward the end of dinner, I was asked to get up and talk about my branch of the tree as I was the only one of my local branch and generation to have been found thus far. At the end of my talk, I distributed postcards of San Francisco on the back of each I had written, in German, 'Come visit me' and my e-mail address. Many said they will be coming, some this November...Yikes.

It took me eight years and DNA testing to find these folks, and I can now clearly say that all the time, money, effort and work has been completely worth the expense. I can now add more than 300 names to my family tree, and most assuredly feel part of the Boeckh Family. Parting on Sunday, there were many hugs and kisses and not a few tears, my own included. Never had I imagined anything as wonderful as fulfilling as this experience, and I promised that I will keep learning German (www.livemocha.com) and be at the next reunion. 

Das ist sehr gut, alles. It's all good. 

 

September 13, 2008

Thanks to all who responded to my classes comment, I will get it together.

I have always been a big fan of food. There are stories of what a fat little baby I was. My Grandmother on my Mom's side, Edith, said it was because Mom had had two miscarriages before me and was anxious that I be well attended to, and that my Mom had stopped smoking and drinking during her pregnancy for the most part. Luckily, at puberty, I shot up from 3 foot something, the shortest kid in the class, always, and started to grow taller, but not as wide. My Mom began to both brag about and complain about how much I could consume, and still stay skinny. Which is what I was until my car crash. Over those next three years, during hospitalization and all the years of rehabilitation, I became a major fan of food, the cheaper the better. Fast food was #1. When so much of my body hurt, and I could not just get up and go, I could take comfort in food, glorious food. In sympathy, folks I knew would drop by and always stop at Mickey D's (www.mcdonalds.com) and get me a goody bag. Seventy five pounds came to live with me, taking up residence all over.

I spent the next ten years, maybe because I am a one in numerology, working with my weight, learning how portion control, exercise, boredom and emotion all play a part in my relationship with food. Today, I am at a weight that is good according to how I feel, not so heavy that my skeleton has too much stress, not so little that I am faint from hunger. www.webmd.com  As friends say, I 'work my plate' when I do eat. Having Julia Child as a relative, took me to look at many of her books, and to learn how her personal style was revealed along her lifetime. Ooo la la, all that lovely French food, pas minceur (not skinny) but yummy every spoon.

Learning to find my style, my own authentic relationship with food, a balanced, self loving feed mix, is an evolving process, as I am always discovering new cuisines and food products. Bite by bite, bit by bit, I am working at getting it.

 

September 8, 2008

Everyone is psychic - absolutely everyone. I have never met anyone who is not. Years ago, I taught a psychic development class, and invited my Attorney to attend, which she did. During some of the exercises, she would not get the results she wanted, and kept saying 'I'm not psychic'. Lately, when I saw her, she described to me an incident that revealed she was indeed psychic. She laughed and said 'Guess I've got it after all'. That's really the important thing about being in touch with your intuition - just admit that maybe it is possible, maybe you are psychic, or have intuition, or a knowingness, whatever you want to call it. Our sixth sense is how many folks think of it.

I have spoken and heard from countless people who have had an intuitive moment. Some of the most delightful have been from the folks who thought that being psychic is a bunch of hogwash, and had discounted it. One was from a policeman who had been having the same dream, night after night, about a car accident happening in front of him. My advice to him was to see if in his dream he could change the course of events, which he was unable to do. I then told him to trust his dream, and to act in his dream to the best of his ability, which he said he was able to do. Weeks later, his dream came into being, and he was confronted by images he had already seen many times. He knew what to do in advance of the events occurring, and he made a bad situation better by his actions. From then on, he has never discounted his intuition, and laughs when he recalls how he used to think.

I am thinking about teaching psychic development classes, please let me know if you are interested. Thanks.

 

August 25, 2008

Lately, my guts have been in a rumble. That is not to mean that I have gastric distress, as I call it, just that my mid-section has been sending me lots and lots of messages.

Years ago, I took a yoga class at the Self Realization Fellowship Center in Los Angeles (www.yogananda-srf.org). The teachers there were a varied group, and I learned from all of them. I first heard about chakras there, and remember the importance of my third chakra, the band around my middle, my stomach and lower back.

Now, lately, this band has been sending me messages, telling me more about my surroundings, the people I meet, the vibe, if you will. Maybe it is the end of Summer, or the Olympics, maybe the stars and planets. All I know is that me trusting my instincts feels good and right, and I will keep paying attention. As I continue to learn about life as I live it, I can see that I have been equipped with the necessary to go forward, especially my trust and my love.

On a whole different note, the squirrels that visit the yard are very friendly, and do not run away when I am there. I have watched them, one and sometimes two, and they are so quick and purposeful. Sunflower seeds seem to be the big thing for them, and they come daily now. Even the wild birds that visit the bird feeders in the yard have come to accept them, and some stay when the bushy tails come. Such a peaceable kingdom in our back yard.

 

August 18, 2008

As a child, I was not with my Grandparents much. My Father's Dad had died before my birth, and his Mom was distant and strange, my Mom's folks divorced in the 1930's and went their separate ways, she to Bishop and him to Newberry Springs, near Barstow, California, where he owned  a few lots. When I would ask about where we were from, what countries, both Mom and Dad were vague, with mentions of England and Wales and Scotland but nothing concrete. Back in the 70's, I had a friend who was into genealogy, and although he tried to find records for my family, he never did.

In the late '90's, I heard about www.ancestry.com and was intrigued. I went online and looked at the website, and was impressed. They had a 14 day free membership, so I signed up and started looking for connections and records. Before long, I had found my Dad's Dad, and his Dad, and his Dad, all the way back to Liverpool, England. My Mom's Mom's folks could be traced all the way back to Kilmaurs, Scotland to about 1500 AD. Even more amazing was to start receiving e-messages from distant relatives, all over the world. England, the USA, Iceland, France, even Tahiti, and more. And then even closer to me, a cousin in Santa Cruz, CA and her family, and another cousin in Oakland, CA and her family. Connections, finally, after years and years of feeling like I had such a fractured and distant family.

A couple of years ago, I located records of my Father's Grandmother, Anna Babette, from Germany. I started posting on genealogy bulletin boards and various websites, and to my delight, a woman in Austria and then a man in Fussen, Germany, started contacted me about my Great Grandmother, Anna. I was referred to a website in Nordlingen, Germany, and there I found records of my Great Grandmother and her ancestors going back to 1680 AD.

The next thing I know, both of my relatives in Europe are writing to tell me that there is going to be a Boeckh Family reunion in Nordlingen this September. I have never been to Bavaria, and am so very surprised to discover this connection. Finding these family connections has been a mixed bag, as most things are. The good folks and the good times have been real and some of the best moments of my life. I am looking forward to this reunion, and have been trying to learn a bit of German, just to be polite. There will be 80+ people there, and I hope to come away with 80+ new friends.

My Dad married three times, that I can confirm, more if I believe some of what I have heard over the years. My Mom also married three times. As some of these marriages had produced children, I had 'brothers and sisters', some older, some younger. And of all the relatives that these marriages brought, so many people. But so few of them were related by genetics to me, and I wanted to know what I could learn of those with whom I share DNA. When genetic testing research came along I heard about a project hosted through the National Geographic Society (www.nationalgeographic.com) that was conducting genetic research all over the world, and I signed up.

Suddenly, I had all this information, and went looking for more through www.familytreedna.com , and even more data presented itself. It was amazing to see my history - going back eighty generations, all the way to Mongolia. I never would have imagined in my wildest dreams what I have learned.

I have been able to trace my Mom's Mom, my Grandmother, back to Scotland and have compiled a record going back so far to about 1500 AD, and hope to go back further as I do more research. I remember driving to the village of Kilmaurs in Scotland, and then on to Cunninghamhead, where the Cunningham family got it's start. As I looked around the gentle rolling ground, the slight rise toward the West and the town of Irvine, the soft sunshine that warmed the air that May afternoon, such peace. Maybe it was all the research that I had done, but I felt a connectedness to the place, and to Scotland, and still do. It feels alot like home.

Now I go to learn and to trace my Dad's Mom, my Grandmother from Swabia, dear Anna Babette Boeckh, pronounced 'Berg'. The adventure continues, I am finding my roots.

 

August 6, 2008

Years ago, I went to Japan (www.jnto.go.jp) for the first time as I had gotten a free ticket from American Airlines (www.aa.com) and had always been curious about the country, the culture, the people, and the food. Growing up in Los Angeles part of my life had introduced me to many people, Mr. Kobyashi among them, a nice man who worked at a local market. He was always friendly and nice to everyone, such a kind man. That summer of '61, my Mom, JD, and I drove to see my Grandmother in Bishop, California. As we drove up Highway 395 (www.395.com) I was looking at a map of the area, trying to learn about it. On the map was a place called Manzanar. I asked my Mom about it and she told me that it had been used in World War Two. A few days later, a neighbor of my Grandma's who had worked at Manzanar told me all about it, how it had been an American concentration camp for Japanese families, many of whom lost their holdings and possessions during the war. I was so saddened and ashamed. The next time I saw Mr. Kobyashi, he was walking home from work, and I was walking home from a friends house. I saw his face and remembered what I had learned and burst into tears. He stopped me and asked after me, and I told him how badly I felt for what had happened in the war, and he, too, said that he was sorry and hoped that all of us would be friends in the future. He was always very warm toward me after that, and in time I met his wife and daughters, and to this day we are all friends.

On this date, Hiroshima, Japan, became a death zone. May there never be another nuclear device used against people, anywhere.

 

July 31, 2008

My Mom graduated on this date in 1965, and it is a special day for me. It is the day I considered at the time as the demarcation point of my transition from childhood into adulthood. I use graduation to describe my Mom's death, as I think that part of life is like being in school, and her death was my elevation to the next (then) major stage in my life.

At the time, I was angry and confused and most of all, afraid, as her death put into motion dramatic events in my life> leaving one home and school and place for a house I did not know in a place I did not know with the very soon enrollment in a new school and new people everywhere, strangers everywhere I looked. I had to leave my Step Dad, JD, for a life with my then between marriages Dad, who had designed his life not expecting to be with me more than every other Holiday and maybe two weeks in summer, if at all. A rocky start, to be sure.

This day is a day of celebration for me for another reason, as my Mom's death was the cessation of years of pain and suffering and struggle and never-ending fear. Her death, by cerebral thrombosis, ended her 49 year run, and it had been a run, all the way from Sultana, California, in the central valley, to Los Angeles and bright lights and lots of stuff to bad marriages and Big Pine, California, east of the Sierra Nevada Mountain range, healing her wounds at her Mom's home, to another marriage and Mojave and Glendale and Newberry Springs to Los Angeles, again, and finally Forest Lawn cemetery in Los Angeles. She lived a rich, full and often funny and dramatic life, one with smarts and guts, with booze and cigarettes, all the way to the end. In our brief time together, I learned much that children are not supposed to, a bit like 'Aunty Mame' without the money and the manners, I sometimes can identify with the character of Patrick in the story. I got to see and hear so much more than most kids, and some adults, do not know about, all about jealousy and money woes and domestic violence and naughty things galore. By the time my Mom died, I felt there was not much that life could throw at me that I could not handle, one way or another.

I learned to displace the anger and hurt that I felt as her child, on of two, and came to see her more as someone who made the choices she made to learn the lessons she needed to learn, and that I could be a learner from her by remembering to trust myself above all others, her fatal and oft repeated flaw, and to change what I do not love about me, and to love the rest. Good things to learn. Thanks a lifetime, Mom.

 

July 26, 2008

Years ago, I had a job that gave me a freedom I had never had in the arena of employment - I could live anywhere in or near a major city with good airport service to the world. My job required that I fly around the United States, mainly, and had me for weeks in places like Chicago, Dallas, San Jose, and Seattle. At the time, I had just moved back to Los Angeles ans wasn't sure I wanted to stay there. So I embarked on trying to find a city that would satisfy my bosses and make be feel at home.

After three years of searching, I gave San Francisco a try. I had been a visitor to the town many times over the years, but had always thought that it was an expensive city to live in. Spending a couple of weekends convinced me that I could easily move there, and so I did.

What I had discovered of the City (borrowed from the late local columnist Herb Caen) was that it was a bit like Los Angeles, lots of little pockets of differing qualities, some ethnic, some architectural, some view, some economic, some landscape. I have now lived here, in this city, longer than any other place on the face of our planet, and still delight in it. Just today, walking in North Beach, past a crowd waiting for a bus, and hearing Italian, Chinese, Spanish and Filipino and not sure what else in addition to English, such as we speak it here, gives such an impression of the globalness of San Francisco. Then later, seeing a huge cruise ship docked along the Embarcadero, white and flag bearing and towering over the pier buildings, and then the wonder that is Coit Tower, whether looking up at it, or out from it.

This morning took me down into the mini-Manhattan that is here in San Francisco, those big, tall thrust-up into the sky buildings that block the sun and chill the air. It was clear and crisp, and the streets around Union Square were crowded, as was the Square itself. I was stopped by a man with his family, wife and two sons. He asked me how to get to Market Street. With hearty thanks, partly because our conversation had been a mixture of French and English, which delighted them all, off them went in search of the old trolley cars that run on the F-Line on Market Street.

Being a tourist in one's own town can be great fun, do give it a try sometime. See if you like living there. 

 

July 24,2008

Squirrels! Two of them, bushy tailed and as fast as can be. This is the first time I have seen them in our yard, and the cats sit at the windows and stare and stare. This morning, as I was sitting on the deck meditating, I heard sounds coming from the flamingo maple tree in our yard. Looking up, there they were, looking down at me. None of us moved for several seconds, then the larger one scrambled up a branch and flung himself onto the Australian Tree Fern and away. Neither of them seemed bothered in the least by my presence, and the smaller one proceeded to eat some of the cherries in our cherry tree, slowly and with much gusto, and a good deal of clean-up afterwards as they are juicy and plump cherries. The birds came to their feeders and ignored their new neighbors, until one of them wandered over beneath the bird feeders. Then there was an explosion of chirping and flapping of wings and the squirrel jumped as well. Meditation may be more challenging in the future...

Going back inside, I was greeted by our three cats, Maddie, Mollie and Edy, all anxious to get out of doors, to no avail. As we all watched the squirrels clambered about, and eventually discovered the bird feeders. Then, quick as you please, one was up the pole and then swinging first one feeder, then the next, spilling a goodly amount of seeds. Luncheon was served.

New neighbors! With black, glittering eyes and bushy, twitchy tails, fast as the dickens. Welcome to the 'hood.

 

July 23, 2008

There is something about San Francisco mornings that I just love: you wake up, just as it is getting light. Stepping outside, you feel the chill in the air, and looking around and up you notice the low clouds about you, and if you look in the distance, you will notice the fog rolling in and along. The temperature is in the 50's F, and it feels a bit colder due to the moisture in the air.

As the day wears on, the fog begins to lift, to disappear, and the sun breaks and peeps through, and the air warms and the fog continues to melt away in the air, and suddenly, the sun is fully in the heavens and you can feel its warmth on your exposed skin.

I have lived in many cities, and visited many more. There is something about the small, peninsular feeling that San Francisco has, it feels to me a bit like a city in Europe and a bit like nowhere else. Today on the F-Line streetcar that runs down Market Street, all around me I heard voices in French, Chinese, Italian, Spanish, Russian. The babel of foreign and local folks engaged in being in the moment, bouncing along on the way to somewhere, all of them smiling and laughing and enjoying the day.

At one point, a young woman who had been talking on her cellphone in Japanese started to move toward the door. A young French couple moved so she could get closer to the exit, and all parties exchanged words and nods and smiles and just for a moment, the whole world felt brighter and kinder and better.

Those of us that observed this scene sheepishly looked at one another, and meekly smiled, and the moment spread.

Life seems to me to be a gift, a wonderful series of moments and minutes that come to each of us each morning we awake. The delight of being alive, of having more time to do and be and see and feel, more. A true and perfect gift, thanks to whatever or whoever or however it has come from.

Here's to Today, and Thank You too!

Look around you, try to see the world as new and exciting, vibrant and alive, full of life. It is, and so are you, if you choose to be.

 

July 19, 2008

I have not always lived in cities and have been amazed by the 'wildlife' that I have lived near. When I was a little kid, there were deer that came into our back area, too big to call a yard, and later opossums in Mt. Washington in Los Angeles, birds in London, cats in Paris...lots of animals. When I have told people about the animals I have seen in cities, some have expressed disbelief and been skeptical that animals could live so close to us. One has to look around, and try to see the world as beautiful and wonder filled. Nature is all around.

Since moving to San Francisco, I had come to think of the City as not too wild. Sure, there were cats and dogs, birds and rats, hawks and crows, but that was about it, as far as I knew.

One night, we were awakened by the sounds of raccoons, and the destruction of our pond, a sad night. I learned how brave some raccoons are. There were three of them, two males I think, as they were not in the least disturbed by all the bright lights and human voices, and they left our yard slowly and calmly, making us laugh, delighted in our discovery of new neighbors. They have come back many times since, but the pond, their main interest, is now gone.

Sometimes we get so caught up in the hectic that life is that we miss things, sometimes very close to us.

This morning, in our backyard, a small, dark, darting shape was jumping through the trees. I didn't get a clear sightline, but there is new wildlife in my life.

 

July 10, 2008

Yesterday, a man came to see me. He had called a couple of weeks ago, leaving a message as I was in session. When I called him back, he was surprised that I could not see him that day and told me that he was a very busy and important person and that I should make an exception for him. I told him that I did not like to 'should' on myself, and that I could not make an exception for him. He said he understood and we made an appointment for some days later, which was yesterday.

When I opened my door to him, I recognized him immediately, having seen his face for years. He settled himself and said that he really just had one question that was on his mind: Why are we here?

I could sense that he was troubled beneath the calm emotional surface that he projected, and as I sat quietly I sensed a woman behind him, a young woman who had recently died. I said to him that I sensed a young woman with us, and as I said this, a name popped into my head and onto my tongue, and I said it. He gasped and started to tear up, then fought back his grief and sadness and said that his beloved daughter had recently died, and that he was beside himself. I could feel the sadness in him and the love surrounding him from the spirit of his daughter. As we talked about her passing, it became clear that her sudden death from an undisclosed physical problem had shaken him to his core. The energy of his daughter stayed with us as we spoke of her life, and how many great times they had shared together. He laughed as he told me of the good and great times with her. He said he understood that life had to end at some time, but he didn't understand what any of it had to do with the bigger picture, why are we here?

We are here to love, I said, that is the one thing that we can do as humans that makes the world better for our having been here. That our ability to love is what we give of ourselves, and that the gift of our love lives on, even after death. I told him that he had been a very good teacher of love to his daughter, and that she had died knowing that she was loved by him. Things that we make or do or create my survive us, but the lives that we touch with compassion and love are living momentos to our time here on Earth, and he began to smile and lighten, and as he did there came into the room the smell of flowers, and he gasped again. He said that he had just had a vision of her, briefly, and had smelled flowers which had made him think of her and her beautiful garden. His face had changed, the deep lines that had creased it had smoothed, and the color of his skin was pinker, healthy looking, and not the grey pallor he had entered with.

When we parted, he suddenly reached out and hugged me quickly and tightly, then regained his composure and left.

Have you ever heard the expression 'love like you've never been hurt'? I personally know how hard that can be, and how there can be so many conflicting feelings in life, especially when you feel wronged or hurt by someone. Doing the work to move beyond the hurt can be challenging, but is always worth it. Holding onto anger or sadness just burdens us and depresses us. Working to forgive and go forward lightens us, and makes life better. I make it a practice to displace any emotion that keeps me from being loving, even to the worst intentioned individuals who cross my path. I would rather do the work to keep in touch with my loving compassionate spirit than dwell in the hell that for me is anger and resentment. Anything that keeps me from loving is something I work to resolve, no matter how difficult, how deep my emotions, how great my hurt. My ability to love is the best part of me, and I will not let it be compromised or diminished. My love is why I am here. Love is what brings us all here, and I suspect it is what keeps us here, life and life.

 

July 4, 2008

A celebration of independence. Such a concept. For some people, the idea of being free to think and feel and be is remote and a dream in their life. Some take their freedom for granted, not realizing their good fortune. I met a man in what was then the Soviet Union, and we talked late into the night on the train from Moscow about freedom and the lack thereof that existed in the world at the time. Despite the limitations imposed on him by the state, he felt he was freer than some, and was thankful for this. We traded contact information, and years later he called me from New Jersey. He had emigrated and was living with his wife and the sound of his voice clearly was that of a happy man. He described the difficulties of leaving the new Russia, and how he was glad that he had gone through all the time and effort so that he and his wife could have the life they now were living, cooking hot dogs and hamburgers while watching the neighborhood children run around and play. He said, and I agree: Freedom is a very good thing. Celebrate yours!

 

June 26, 2008

After Great Uncle Otto died, my Dad arranged a trip to Hawai'i in the summer. Because of schedule conflicts, I would miss my Step Brother Max's baseball game. The night before my first jet plane flight, I had a very disturbing dream. In the dream i was walking up this metal staircase and at the top are a man and woman in blue uniforms smiling at me. I was happy until I turned around and looked to see Max standing off to one side, near a doorway. He was waving and smiling, but as he turned toward the doorway he began to cry.

The next morning, I said nothing about my dream, and sure enough, later at the airport, as we walked up the movable metal stairway to the plane, there at the top were a man and a woman in the blue uniforms of Pan American Airways greeting all the passengers. I looked around but never say Max, and dismissed my dream as nonsense.

The next day brought a late morning call from my Mom, and after talking briefly with my Dad, he handed the telephone to me. Her voice sounded far away, and even though there was a brief delay in the connection, I could hear a note of sadness in her tone. She started speaking, her voice cracking as she told me that Max had died in an accident at the baseball game, and then I dropped the phone and started to wail. I went to my room and threw myself on the bed, and cried for a long time. The rest of the day I felt numb and sad. I cried a couple more times when I was alone, and then later as I started to fall asleep that night, it hit me: my dream the other night was Max saying Goodbye. That's why he was crying. To this day, he still appears in my dreams, from time to time, smiling and waving, ever youthful. His death served as a turning point my my development as a person, and I do not fear death, as I see that it is not the end of life, just the end of life as we know it on this plane of being. The spirit, the soul, lives on. Most of the world's religions have a belief in life after death, as I came to discover.

My own experiences tell me that death is so much more than we can imagine, that the body is a shell, for a limited time, of a spirit that comes back time and time again, a spirit that transcends time and space. I've known so many people who have died. Recently, a dear friend of ours named Jane joined the legion of the dead, as she called it. There was a party in her honor, and several times folks said how much they knew that Jane was floating about, enjoying the party with us. One man made a point of saying that he was sure Jane was in the room, as he had seen an image of her briefly as he came into the restaurant. Then a woman said she had been so sad at one point earlier, and all of a sudden a joke Jane had told her popped into her mind, making her laugh. We all smiled at one another, comforted and comforting. That night, I dreamed of Jane, and there she was, in the midst of so many people, reclining on a big, fluffy pillow, in this harem-esque setting with feathered fans swaying and platters and bowls of food being laid out before her. So very Jane.

When folks ask me what to do about the death of someone, I advise them to take a photograph of the person who has died, and before falling asleep one night, to look at the photo and ask out loud for the deceased to come to them in a dream.

 Several folks have reported back to me, telling me of their wonderful dreams where their loved one's have appeared in them. One was from a woman who told me she had dreamed of her long dead Mother after trying my suggestion a few times. She described finding her Mom in her front yard, weeding. A man I know told me of seeing his son again, playing basketball, and how these scenes comforted him. From these kind folks and many others, I have learned the same thing, that life does indeed continue on. This idea gives me peace of mind, and has shaped my life in wondrous ways. I am currently working on a book about death, and all that I have learned about it. Death is no longer the 'boogey man' of fear and horror, but an expression of the duality of life, and a reminder to make the most of being alive.

 

June 25, 2008

Happy Summer! Here we are again, with the sun long in the sky, and then the solstice and the slide to Winter begins. An affirmation of the duality that appears to lurk behind all that is: hot - cold, up - down, left - right. You know of which I write. As a child, I preferred my left hand and countless attempts were made to change this, to no avail. This was taken as a sign of my will-power to come by my Mom's Mom. I hope she was right.

Life and death has seemed to be another duality we have in our lives. I remember my first experience of death, when I was a little child of 3 years. This was at my Grandmother Edith's house in Big Pine, CA. There was a stand of pines in her yard, and there were birds, perhaps starlings, that lived in them. Seeing these flying things would always make me smile, and I would watch them when I could. One day, she and I walked to the bird trees and there at the base of one of the trees was a tiny bird. It had almost no feathers and could barely move. As I watched it, it stopped moving. I turned to Grandma and asked her what  had happened and why the bird wasn't moving. She said it had fallen to Earth too soon and had become spirit again. I didn't fully understand in that moment everything she had just said, but I knew it was true, it felt true.

There were many dead birds, and animals that I saw after that. Some part of me accepted death as just another part of the landscape of this life. Perfectly normal. When Great Uncle Otto died, his was the first death of someone I knew. That event changed my thinking about death, and I began to worry and think about it, often. Death had come to my childhood. I was 13 years old and I could feel that more was on the horizon and that it wouldn't stop.

 

June 14, 2008

Life has a way of sneaking up on one, and today it snuck up on me on cat's paws and got my attention, fully and completely. In my quest to keep some of the scatter around our house manageable, I have chores to do. One of my chores this morning was to clean up some in the clutter of photographs that have been accumulating for several years now. When we moved to this house 15 years ago, I promised myself that I would make sense of all of the photos that we had at the time, and I did. Then I didn't keep up with it, and envelopes of photographs began to pile up. And up, and up. Until this morning, when the mail brought photos from a friend. After looking at them, I thought to put them on the stacks of photo envelopes and started to when, with a whoosh, dozens of photos fluttered out and about and scattered far and wide. Damn...

With my hand, I reach out to calm the flurry and my fingers seize upon an envelope, and the photographs tumble out and all over the floor. The cats think this is great sport, and run chasing the sliding photos, making me laugh. At I look down, I see images that make my heart skip a beat and send a cold chill all over my body. I am looking at what remained of my car after my horrible car crash on June 18, 1986, nearly 20 years ago.

I have not seen these pictures in more than a decade, and had begun to think that I might have destroyed them during some displacement exercise. But lo, and behold, here they are. At first, when I saw what the images were, I felt my head expanding, and now I manage my breathing and slowly pick up a photograph. The roof of the car has been sawed off, I have flashes of sparks flying inside the car, in my memory, and I feel my heart rate increase and I breathe calmly and evenly. And then I smile, and say a prayer of thanks for my surviving what the first responders thought was a fatality.

This Wednesday will find me celebrating life and all of its wonder and magic and all the rest. I look back on my car crash as being one of the best things that has happened to my in my life. That instant started my reformation, my penance, if you will, when I wanted nothing more than to live, to stay alive. After decades of having wanted more and more, more and more often, I now found myself crumpled into the footwell of my shattered car, just wanting to live. I got my wish, and each and every day I say a word of thanks to my continuing to receive my wish. Life is a gift and a miracle. My car crash convinced me of that fact, hopefully forever, and has helped to make my more reflective, more loving, more thoughtful. And hopefully a better person.

 

June 13, 2008

In talking with Kathy and Shane, they told me that they are still taking in the trip, and had been looking at something that had amazed them more than most things on the trip. These were the Scala Santa, the steps from the palace of Pontius Pilate that Jesus ascended. They had been brought to Rome years before and on a whim, after a day of sightseeing, I suggested we walk to see them at the Lateran Palace, and soon we were inside, marveling at the beauty and majesty. Then across the street to the Scala. The stone steps are covered with wood, and can only be ascended on one's knees. With no delay, Kathy and Shane and Zack and Maddie were on their knees on the steps, silently praying with heads bowed. The simple, evident and honest faith they profess, especially in light of Kathy's diagnosis, is deeply touching, a blessing to behold. The power of faith.

When I was studying the Bible years ago, I came across a translation that substituted the word 'trust' for 'faith'. This was an early example of the Bible, from the 10th Century. Since then, I have made the same substitution time and time again. Trust is a powerful and life changing tool we can use to make wonderful changes in our lives. Living in the absence of trust, living in fear, weakens and robs one of so very much, of the joy and delight that life contains. Hating your fear will not make it go away. Loving that part of you will change it and you. When my fear comes up, I remember that fear is part of my dealing with a problem, and that if I can sit with and not act on my primary reaction and let the fear subside, I will be calmer. Then I can think about what to do about the problem, and use the combination of balanced head and heart to resolve the problem. F alse E vidence A ppearing R eal - the capital letters spell it out, and the words underscore the truth. Fear only has as much power as I give it, and I have learned to feel my fear and instantly start a mental dialog of self comfort and reassurance. Taking care of myself leads to my fear to diminish, and as it does, my trust, my faith, is restored.

 

June 12, 2008

As a kid growing up, we moved around a fair bit. My Mom and Step Dad were hard workers and worked most times as a team. We lived in seven places in six years" Los Angeles, Big Pine, Glendale, Mojave, Eagle Rock, Newberry Springs, and Highland Park, all in California. Each move brought new faces and experiences, and always involved me trying to fit in with the other kids. Humor was my saving grace, and I knew from trial and error that if I could make someone laugh they usually left me alone. Growing up and moving many times underscored a few facts: Being neutral was safe, friendly was safe, sometimes, but not always. Being grumpy made things worse. These were some of the little rules that came to me as I grew up. Trying to fit in to all of these different places was hard work, and when it didn't work out, I learned a great deal about what we call 'human nature', or the evolution of cannibals into modern man, as I see it. Kids can be really, really mean. These hurts I suffered festered in me for a long time, and led to the chaos that was my teenage years. It wasn't until I was in my third decade that I came to realize that energy in equaled an effect on me. My half Sister Melodie's death played a big part in this as well, as had the death of my Mom years earlier. Life can sometimes deliver the unexpected, and what one does with it and because of it shapes one's moral fiber, and I believe, creates karma.

My anger and hurt at all the junk in my life resulted in me being challenging of authority and getting in quite a few scrapes, at home and in the world. From those events, I learned more about 'human nature', like that time I told the CHP Officer who was taking me to my Dad's house that my Dad was going to hit me with his fists, and he stopped talking to me. He came by my High School the next day to see how I was, and burst into tears when I showed him my bruises.

What I eventually learned to do with my anger was to get it out of me, to displace it. By that I mean that when I got angry I would act it out as soon as I was alone. My first means of displacement was the act of writing, and I would write down all the hateful, nasty, angry thoughts that were coursing through my brain, and then I would tear up the paper and throw it away.

Later, displacement became driving nails into scrap lumber. Saving burned-out lightbulbs and smashing them. So many ways. What I began to realize was, the more I displaced, the better I felt, not just physically but emotionally as well. I began to see that I was less reactive to people and events, and I went from being sullen and shutdown to being neutral and engageable. It was quite a change in my life as I started College shortly thereafter. The burden of self sufficiency at 17 years old did not deter me from going first to a Junior College and later other Colleges and Universities to get the education I wanted. I went from thinking of myself as an angry young man to seeing myself as someone with difficulties to overcome, just like all of us. That change is self perspective has been good.

 

June 11, 2008

Someone asked me, via e-mail at heikkie@aol.com how to find good places to stay abroad. I recommend travel books, recommendations from people you trust, and researching the internet. Years ago, travel information was not so easy to get, and much of it was hooey and ballyhoo, lies in effect. Today, thanks to the internet, one can surf the world www.google.com/earth and even see where it is they want to go, or have been. It is striking to look at one's house on one's computer. Travel is something that I delight in, and try to do often. It does not need to involve airplanes or cars. I can travel in my own town and see things I have never seen before. Get out and travel. See more of your world while you are here.

 

June 6, 2008

When I had my travel agency, I led a group to Russia. This was back in 1983, when Communism was still gripping the country and it was teetering. I mentioned this to a relative one day, and was shocked by the verbal spew he directed at me, accusing me of aiding the collapse of Western Civil